My sorry looking SOA

Morn

I am going to jump in on this because I recommended that the op came to this forum section from another to get help and support.

Please remember that she came here for help, and whilst I accept everyone's right to an opinion I think we need to remember that instead of having potentially heated discussions between ourselves we are trying to help someone who has had the courage to ask for help.

So I say make your cases for you particular method of dealing and let the op make an informed decision.

I am not having a go, but I don't want the op to be scared off.

pink_princess

butterfly_01 wrote: »

That is not just groceries, its all toiletries and clothes etc.

I don't want to get rid of the car completely. I already get the bus to work and there is no way my boyfriend would want to. I will try and do anything else before giving the car up completely.

Hi butterfly this is still high, i include every-thing from alcohol to takeaways for £350 a month for 5 people .Why not join us on the grocery challenge for tips to reduce it anything saved you can throw at your debts.
Clothes until your sorted should be non-existant .

I would rather scrimp for 7 years than owe anybody money,if you lent it pay it back,thats why theres a credit crunch.That comment isnt aimed at op

Dithering_Dad

Morn wrote: »

I am going to jump in on this because I recommended that the op came to this forum section from another to get help and support.

Please remember that she came here for help, and whilst I accept everyone's right to an opinion I think we need to remember that instead of having potentially heated discussions between ourselves we are trying to help someone who has had the courage to ask for help.

So I say make your cases for you particular method of dealing and let the op make an informed decision.

I am not having a go, but I don't want the op to be scared off.

I don't think anyone is having an argument, we're just discussing different ways to achieve the same objective, namely becoming debt free. My approach is usually to look at the whole picture and examine the person's assets v debt and make a recommendation based on that.

In the OP's case, she is insolvent (Definition: "refers to a financial condition in which the sum of a person’s debts is greater than the value of the person’s assets"). In her case, if she files for bankruptcy, apart from having her finances strutinised by the Official Receiver, she probably would not be impacted negatively.

Her alternatives are to live like a pauper for anything up to a decade and to have the 'satisfaction' of having repaid a debt that is probably three times that which she originally borrowed, due to interest and charges. After 10 years she will have increased her creditors assets and have none of her own.

Or she can go bankrupt, wipe the slate clean in one year and start living within her means (the MSE way) and then build up her assets and savings. After 10 years she will have increased her own assets and is much less likely to get herself into debt again - for example, how many people would buy a £10k new car if the funds were actually in cash from a savings account that took 5 years to build up? Not many, methinks.

There is no nobility in lining the pockets of bailiffs and credit companies while living in poverty yourself. It's one thing to pay back a few quid over the course of 3 to 5 years, it's entirely another thing to scratch along for 10 years, working hard for the credit industry.

This is a public forum that the OP used to ask for advice. I given my advice and the OP is entitled to dismiss it or to follow it as she sees fit.

dfw844

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

There is no nobility in lining the pockets of bailiffs and credit companies while living in poverty yourself. It's one thing to pay back a few quid over the course of 3 to 5 years, it's entirely another thing to scratch along for 10 years, working hard for the credit industry.

There is plenty of nobility in making a promise and sticking to it. I borrowed my debts agreeing to pay them back. The financial companies stuck to their side of the bargain by making the money available to me when I asked for it. Now I must honour my side by paying it back.

It would be ignoble of me to expect that debt to be wiped off, simply because I didn't want to 'scratch' along for a few years.

And there are plenty of ways to pay back the money without lining the pockets of the credit industry. CCCS, for one.

Butterfly, best of luck to you, you have already taken the first step by coming here. And the payrise is great news too!

You need to do whatever is best for you - that may be any one of a range of options. IVAs and bankruptcy are right for some people, but they should not be entered into lightly.

Dithering_Dad

dfw844 wrote: »

There is plenty of nobility in making a promise and sticking to it. I borrowed my debts agreeing to pay them back. The financial companies stuck to their side of the bargain by making the money available to me when I asked for it. Now I must honour my side by paying it back.

It would be ignoble of me to expect that debt to be wiped off, simply because I didn't want to 'scratch' along for a few years.

And there are plenty of ways to pay back the money without lining the pockets of the credit industry. CCCS, for one.

A decade is hardly 'a few years', it is actually a fifth of your working life or an eight of your actual life. As I said, it's one thing paying back debt when it's over a few years and it only takes a percentage of your disposible income to do so, it's quite another if it's most of your disposible income and it takes 8/9/10 or more years.

Your statements "The financial companies stuck to their side of the bargain by making the money available to me when I asked for it. Now I must honour my side by paying it back" and "And there are plenty of ways to pay back the money without lining the pockets of the credit industry. CCCS, for one. " are oxymoronic.

Little wonder that people get suicidal about their money problems when 'holier than thou' people talk about 'running away from your responsibilities' by going bankrupt or getting an IVA.

**kym**

Hello butterfly

Ignoring the argument that seems to have developed , Im here to offer you some support - at the start of the debt-free journey it can seem like you have a mountain to climb which can be a bit crushing so its best to get as much support as possible - especially from your other half - if the two of you do it together, you can keep each other going on the days where one of you just wants to quit...

So I agree with the other posters that you must talk to your OH and get him on board.

And I would say don't worry too much - fixing the situation is do-able if you do it together. When me and OH first moved in together, we sat down and had a long chat about finances and where we were with it and how we could move forward. we both had large debts and when we added up our combined debts the total came to £15,491 :eek: . which scared us as we had basically no assets to speak of. but we decided to work together to sort it out.

we worked out our income/expenditure list and didn't have much disposable income to start paying off the debts, but we realised (especially through posts on here) that the trick was to increase your disposable income as much as possible by slashing your expenditure. This meant scrimping on EVERYTHING and we cut back to bare minimum - this may sound like a horrible way to live (and it wasn't that fun tbh), but its only in the short term.

We ending up living off of OH's wage alone and paying nearly all my wage off our debts each month - the result was that we paid off all that debt in 16 months and have been debt-free since april this year - so it doesnt have to take a decade of poverty! :cheesy: it was hard for a while and a bit of a strain but im glad we got our acts together and owned up to the situation and started dealing with it, because now that part of our life is over! and now we're in the habit of living cheaply, the money is starting to build up. and we know we'll never get ourselves in that situation again because we have the memory of how hard we had to work to get ourselves out of it (2 jobs, overtime, living on nothing, no bday/xmas presents, etc).

i understand that your reluctant to get rid of the car completely - but if you get rid of it now until youve paid your debts its not gone forever (you can get a new one when you're solvent again) and you might find you weren't so attached to it after all. and not being able to whizz up the shops in a car might help you spend less to as you'll only be able to bring back what you can carry!

by the way groceries-wise, we're a couple and we spend £140 per month for food, toiletries, clothes, alcohol. so theres a start for cutting back. and you could look at the up your income board for increasing your disposable income.

i hope some of this helps. you CAN do it - just work out a plan and stick to it - even trying this system for a year and seeing where you get is a good idea - if you find in 12 months time you havent made a good dent in those debts together, you can try something more serious...

Best of luck, Kym

Jacks_xxx

:hello: I had another idea sweetie,

How about the two of you switch teams so that he pays all the bills and you give him "what you can".

You've been struggling with the household finances for a while now, so maybe it's his turn to have a go? :rolleyes:

Love Jacks xxx










(Yes this is a cheeky tongue in cheek suggestion to try and get you to see things differently.

Did it work???? )

Pippilongstocking

Hiya Butterfly - been thinking about you over the weekend and wondering how you have got on?

I got on board with the grocery challenge, and kept my receipts for a month and it was a shock seeing what it was all spent on.

Hoping this weekend finds you well, full of positivity and ideas for the way forward.

The 'what small things have you done today...' thread I have found a lifesaver, cos it gives me a wee boost thinking of how I can do small things to help, even if its just charging my phone up at work or making leftovers for tea.

We now have use it up weeks, store cupboard teas, and trawl the site for loads of ideas - its all good, and makes me feel like I am doing something a bit positive (even though I feel like I am climbing a mountain I am telling myself they are secretly mole hills - just lots of mole hills).

Guess just wanted to see how you were, and send you a virtual (money free) hug - think of how much we saved on flowers!!

Byexx

butterfly_01

I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and the fact that we need to sort this out, it was not easy but he has agreed to at least talk to the cccs with me. We completed the guide online and it suggested a debt management plan so have filled out the form for someone to contact us.
Thank you to everyone who has been helpfull and supportive, it has really helped. I do think that you all think that I spend £200+ on just food but I don't, that is what I live off for the whole month for EVERYTHING and my boyfriend has the same amount.

RAS

Butterfly

I know this is hard to get but there are many people like like kym who are living on £200 per month to cover all expenses for 2 or three people.

Whilst you keep it at £200 for everything, you cannot start to address where the money is going.

If you both keep spending diaries, you will have much more detail and can start to see where the money is going and can tackle the unnecessary spends more effectively.

In the end you can have a go at it long and slow or do it the short sharp shock way like kym or Jacks have done.

Basically, how long do you want to be in debt? if you want to get rid quickly, you need to be determined and commit to sorting it out. That may mean not having things you would like for a year or two but once that is over you can save up and have stuff you wwant and not have debts anymore.