lilmissmups £20k in 20mths moving on diary!

cocalls

Hope everything ok
Ive got my time thing tracking the day after

lilmissmup

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=22737829#post22737829

Story here as I need some advice.

yukkibear

Oh Dawn, I'm sorry to hear about you and your OH. I really hope it works out for you both. Perhaps you both need a bit of space away from each other to think about what you both truly want ie do you want to split, does he want you AND children, or you and NO children. It must be very hard for you both.

When I met my OH I was adamant I wasn't haveing any more children, and I was upfront with him about that. He said if I didn;t want children then he would have to make te decision whether he wanted to stay with me as he desperately wanted children etc.
After a few months we had another discussion and he said he would live with no children of his own and at the same time I realised I would have a child for both of us and now we have a toddler.
I know no situation is ever going to be the same, but by laying it all out to him by getting to the point of talking about coming off the pill etc he's probably thought "Oh ***" it's really happening and gotten scared.

We're here if you need us x

mariagti

Hey dawn,

I totally agree with what YB just said, his probably just got cold feet as feeling scared. My OH says he too feels scared as he will have two people relying on him to look after them moneywise and care wise until i would be back at work. Putting alot of pressure onto him, which i can understand blokes getting cold feet because of this, espically in this credit crunch times.

Just give him some time to think about things, he knows how strongly you feel about having children. I hope you can work things out together. xxx

xHayles84x

Hey Dawn,

I hope your okay hun.

Again i totally agree with YB, my OH and I have spoke about starting a family etc, then the next min he's dead against the idea because he knows we're not financially ready etc, and scared of us messing up our future. WHen i look back i totally agree and glad we waited.

I really hope you both can talk through your problems and work it out, i can see how much you love him, so hopefully a bit of time away from each other will make him see what he's losing and realise what a mistake he's making.

Take care chick.
xx

Nichelette

I just wanted to pop by to say I hope you're okay & that everything works out for you. I can be a bit of a man with things like this, commitment terrifies me, as does the idea of marriage and kids. It isn't that I don't want any of it eventually, it's just that it's very decisive where I'm happy bobbing along as I am.

Anyway, my point is it sounds like your OH is probably just a bit scared. Saying it's very 'final' isn't the right word because it sounds like something awful is about to happen, but I hope you understand what I mean. With me I think it's more a fear of the unknown when what I've got at the moment is good.

lilmissmup

Morning girlies,

Your all making me tearful

We chatted yesterday afternoon and decided just to work on us for now, hes admitted he isn't completely happy with us so we need to work on acting like a couple more and that he doesn't want to end up having kids and then only seeing them every few weeks which I said would never happen even if we split.

I do think he is just scared really, he said he isn't saying he never wants kids but at the moment he isn't sure if he does.

I have gone on and on about it so much over the last six months though, he says that has annoyed him but its not why hes now said hes not ready (i think some of it must be though!)

I do wish I had agreed now when he asked but I was being sensible and maybe I was right, if i got pregnant and then he changed his mind like this I would be stuffed.

We had a lovely evening last night just cuddling and watching films.

I do love him so much Hayley your right, which is why I want a family but I think once we both grow up a bit more, have a house and then more savings behind us he will feel he is ready. He has spoken in the past about teaching our child to play guitar as its one of his main loves and his face just light up talking about it so I think deep down he does want one.

doodledo_2

Evening

I was so pleased to read your post and to see that you two had talked and although its not the exact situation you wanted least you know there is kids in the future.

If he has issues with parts of your relationship then its sensible for him not to commit to a child and I totally respect him for that as he must have known how hard that news would have hit you.

You are still young so time is on your side. So get your relationship back on track, get saving those pennies and before you know it you will be a lovely family in your own home and these feelings will be long forgotton.

xHayles84x

Hey Dawn,

I hope you've had a lovely day. I was so happy to read your post and to see that you and your OH had talked things through and are trying to work things out, too many couples give up far too easily these days and don't realise how much the person means to them.

As dooledo says, you are still young, and have got time to get your relationship back on track, then hopefully when thats done you will both be ready to start a family.

xx

lilmissmup

Kids are not guaranteed in my future right now but hopefully they will arrive

I am scared of the future right now though but I could end up leaving him and then getting into a bad relationship or finding out I can't have kids or a new partner couldn't so at least I have someone that loves me and should be grateful for that right now.

He says he spoke to some people about work at it today, how he didn't want them and I did. Not sure if thats good hes telling people he doesn't or whether i should just be pleased that he had people to talk too.