Newlyweds living with parents..starting to go mad

Nerris

richardw wrote: »

Keep on talking about it and stay in touch with letting agents, there may be some sort of first month free or similar deal that may be possible.

Thank you.

I have spoken to a couple of letting agents in my enquiries quest recently and they've both been rather unhelpful, when I asked if there were any similar properties or anything suitable in that price range they both sniffed 'no sorry' and that was that. I also emailed others and got no response back.
Bit odd really.

Merrywidow

Oh yes there is galvanizersbaby - start as you mean to go on and teach him how to cook now! Not only that but to be independent. I have had two husbands and both were products of doting mothers who kept their children very dependent on them. Rotten husband material the pair of them until I knocked them into shape. Spare me from mothers and son's!!!!

My mother however turned my brother into a Chef by the time he was 18 and he had a great career on the cruise liners around the world. Start them young. Unfortunately I was unable to practice what I preach as I was unable to have children.

Nerris

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Bit confused as I thought the OP was living with her parents not her in-laws?

I'm going to be a bit unpopular in my view in that I think that though it can't be much fun living like that when your newly wed - (if it were me I think I would have waited to get married till we could afford a place of our own as I wouldn't want to impose on my folks) - surely the fact that you have decided to take the opportunity to save you kind of have to put up with the lack of privacy etc...

If it's that bad that it's making you both miserable you should forget the saving and move out surely

Sorry if my view is a bit black and white but if it were my parents I would be really grateful.

BTW - just realised that I will most likely be one of those MIL's from hell when my boy gets older! (he's only 6 so not too much to worry about yet!)

I don't mind a bit of black and white approach, so don't worry.

It's all pretty complex to be frank. I had 20k of debt from a previous relationship which has taken a few years to pay off. I met my now husband, we fell in love, he worked for a year and a half to put aside some money for my engagment ring and we had a low budget wedding rather than a big costly fussy affair.

I paid off my final outstanding loan last Friday so now I am able to save from next month instead of paying off debt. But as explained in my other post, my husband can't really afford to have any unexpected outgoings for a couple of months as he has various things that will need to be paid for his business and I certainly don't want to put extra strain on him. I just didn't realise how crucial it was until we had a bit of a heart to heart this morning.

I am very very grateful to my parents and I don't want to appear as if I'm not.

I'm also very grateful for everyone's responses.

galvanizersbaby

[quote=Merrywidow;14432687]Oh yes there is galvanizersbaby - start as you mean to go on and teach him how to cook now! Not only that but to be independent. I have had two husbands and both were products of doting mothers who kept their children very dependent on them. Rotten husband material the pair of them until I knocked them into shape. Spare me from mothers and son's!!!!

My mother however turned my brother into a Chef by the time he was 18 and he had a great career on the cruise liners around the world. Start them young. Unfortunately I was unable to practice what I preach as I was unable to have children.[/quote]

:rotfl: Tee hee!, might wait a bit on the cooking front - he's too young at the mo to use the toaster by himself without setting fire to the kitchen!
Seriously though, I have a girl and a boy (close age gap) and they are so very different - being independent doesn't come naturally to the male sex it seems and he would far rather I do everything for him out of laziness where as my daughter wants to do everything by herself!
I do my best to encourage him to be independent though so hopefully he won't end up being too useless!
I too have had a MIL from hell (my ex husband was her only son out of 4 children and the youngest so nothing I did was ever good enough for her boy!)
Your right! It's true what they say about mothers and their sons though!
I will do my best to shape him up but I fear he will always have those puppy dog eyes and allow himself to be bossed about!

galvanizersbaby

Nerris wrote: »

I just didn't realise how crucial it was until we had a bit of a heart to heart this morning.

I am very very grateful to my parents and I don't want to appear as if I'm not.

I'm also very grateful for everyone's responses.

Sorry Nerris I didn't mean to imply you were being ungrateful - I guess it's the same with a lot of things in life we often don't realise how important things are to us at the time (like you having your own place).
I guess because you have finished with your loan you could see some light at the end of the tunnel but if it's not going to be a valid option for your OH just yet that guess you're going to have to stick it out a bit longer.

Perhaps between the 2 of you come up with a plan with date in mind to move out and rent/or buy depending on what the market's like by then - at least that way you would have something to look forward to x

Nerris

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Sorry Nerris I didn't mean to imply you were being ungrateful - I guess it's the same with a lot of things in life we often don't realise how important things are to us at the time (like you having your own place).
I guess because you have finished with your loan you could see some light at the end of the tunnel but if it's not going to be a valid option for your OH just yet that guess you're going to have to stick it out a bit longer.

Perhaps between the 2 of you come up with a plan with date in mind to move out and rent/or buy depending on what the market's like by then - at least that way you would have something to look forward to x

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound defensive Galvanizersbaby, I appreciate your opinion, I'm just so paranoid about being seen as ungrateful, you just can't help what you want sometimes I guess.

I will have to compromise in this instance though, but I won't wait around forever, I definitely want us sorted by next spring so we'll have to start looking seriously after Christmas.

This thread has really helped concentrate my mind, it has also confirmed a few things for me.

ladybirdintheuk

Oh, you have my sympathy. We lived with my parents for our first 3 years of so. I had gone back to uni, so there was no way we could afford to move out.

We went through me being at uni, and working at least 1 part time job at a time, and being stressed, him loosing jobs and being out of work, and stuck at my parents with my mum nagging him! Or she would nag me if there was something she didn't want to nag him about, so I had to pass the message on...

As soon as I finished uni and found a job, we were out of there. We rented for 18 months, and managed to buy a flat nearly 2 years ago now - escape! ( we are actually paying out less in mortgage than we were in rent.)

Now we don't live there, we get on with my parents famously


What helped me get through it was knowing that we were only there for a certain amount of time - I knew we would be out when I'd finished uni, so there was always light at the end of the tunnel, even if it did seem quite a way away! Would it be worth setting yourselves a date of when you want to be out by? Then you can mentally cross days off the calendar, and it will help you to grin and bear it

You will get there in the end!

Errata

Nerris, agee a moving out date with him, then working back wards from that date write yourself a business plan - deposit saved by x date, first month's rent saved by y date, washing machine money saved by z date and nothing will come as a big suprise. Any chance of the two of you spending Christmas in a self catering place/caravan/whatever ? Would give you something to look forward to which isn't too far off. Good luck.

whitewing

Nerris,

Just thinking from your original post that your DH may be young enough to get a Prince's Trust grant?

Merrywidow

Hi galvanizersbaby - didnt mean to be so dogmatic about teaching your son to cook - but they are never too young to take their dishes from the table to the sink or dishwasher, put their dirty clothes in the wash basket etc etc.

On a lighter note, a very old friend and mother of my godchildren couldn't get out of bed in the morning to save her life. Her kids over the years, from 6 or 7'ish got themselves up, washed and dressed, sliced bread and made toast and then bought their mum a cup of coffee before they left for school. Because my friends cooking was rubbish they got used to making their own food. Years down the line my friend died of cancer and her useless husband who was quite content to be waited on (if she asked him to lay the table he tossed a few mats in the general direction of the table and sat down again.) My goddaughter cooked for him for a while and then she married and left home. Low and behold he had to learn how to cook at 70 years of age and within a short time was making full roast dinner, curry you name it. He scoured the cookbooks and now at 82 he is still going strong. Not to mention the washing and ironing. Just goes to show they can if they want to.

As you say men in general would rather be waited on. Get them EARLY is all I have to say. Oh how I wish I had had a son, his wife would have been very happy.