Newlyweds living with parents..starting to go mad

Errata

Nerris wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies.

I agree mental health is far more important and mine has been suffering for a bit too long now.

I have seen a little cottage we could afford to rent which is available now and I was quite keen to move out before Christmas so that we could spend our first Christmas as a married couple together in a home of our own...but I do think I'll have to compromise and wait until after christmas so I can at least save a couple of grand up.

Grab it right now ! Doesn't matter if on Christmas Day you're sitting on deckchairs eating beans on toast............you'll have each other, happy and contented and relaxed. For pudding you can make love on the kitchen floor if you like with no worries about being interrupted by your parents.

davetrousers

Nerris wrote: »

The plan was we'd pay off my debts (which I have now done - thank God),

You should be thankful to yourselves for clearing the debt, as it was you who worked at paying it off.

margaretclare

I would advise: rent if you can afford it.

I've been in this situation, which was common a generation ago. I walked out on my first marriage in 1997 after a few weeks simply because I couldn't stand living with his parents in a small bungalow. In a contest between his mum and his new bride, mum came first every time. They even planned to go on a coach trip together that Easter and leave me behind looking after dad.

We did get back together a couple of years later.

Katgoddess

What about having a couple of cheap holidays to give yourself a break from the parents and have a bit of privacy? Not as expensive as renting and should help keep you sane for a bit longer...

Nerris

Many thanks for all your replies, it has really really helped.

I've decided that we will definitely need to move out and rent somewhere and we will need to look straight after Christmas in the New Year.

I'd love to have our own place by Christmas really, but my husband is quite keen to save for at least 2-3 months to give us a savings grounding to build on and I feel that I should compromise as he's given me 5k towards helping me out of my debt and I feel the least I can do is be patient for a bit longer..

..but then I think of putting up our Christmas tree together whilst getting totally off our faces on mulled wine and having friends round for mince pies and being able to have quiet time together..and the rest..;)

Should we just go for it?

alohahawaii

I feel like i'm in the same boat.
I live with my mum and my boyfriend rents with a friend.
My mum doesn't give me any freedom at all, I'm in my early 20's and feel like I'm 15. I pay rent but I'm not allowed to put the heating on or use the washing machine as it's wasting money or the washing machine is on too high or isn't full enough!

it's ridiculous really. But I want to save some money before I rent and then get a mortgage some day. it's causing friction between me and my mum and also a bit embarrasing when it's infront of my boyfriend when she comments that i'm ironing/ washing wrong...

not sure if to get a place on my own or wait until my boyfriend and I are ready to move in together?

has anyone else been in the same boat?

Errata

Nerris wrote: »

Many thanks for all your replies, it has really really helped.

I've decided that we will definitely need to move out and rent somewhere and we will need to look straight after Christmas in the New Year.

I'd love to have our own place by Christmas really, but my husband is quite keen to save for at least 2-3 months to give us a savings grounding to build on and I feel that I should compromise as he's given me 5k towards helping me out of my debt and I feel the least I can do is be patient for a bit longer..

..but then I think of putting up our Christmas tree together whilst getting totally off our faces on mulled wine and having friends round for mince pies and being able to have quiet time together..and the rest..;)

Should we just go for it?

YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just do it !
When you're in your own place you can live on beans on toast 7 nights a week and save loads then! You're young - a crap diet won't harm either of you for a while.

seven-day-weekend

Rent if you can, you own space is important.

When we first married (nearly 37 years ago) we bought a little caravan with no bathroom or toilet so that we could have our own space as we'd have not wanted to live with either set of parents (mine had no room anyway).

I hasten to add there were communal facilities nearby!!

You won't regret it and it doesn't matter whether you have much furniture - all you need is something to sit on, something to sleep on and something to cook on.

Best of luck!

margaretclare

margaretclare wrote: »

I would advise: rent if you can afford it.

I've been in this situation, which was common a generation ago. I walked out on my first marriage in 1997 after a few weeks simply because I couldn't stand living with his parents in a small bungalow. In a contest between his mum and his new bride, mum came first every time. They even planned to go on a coach trip together that Easter and leave me behind looking after dad.

We did get back together a couple of years later.

It was actually 1957, sorry about that.

ceridwen

Difficult situation...I would personally ignore the comment about "what if you were expecting a baby" - you decide strongly enough not to be - then you wont be - simple as that...and anyway £700 isnt THAT much money to find if the worst came to the worst and the 0.01% chance on the Pill came up and it failed (quoting Marie Stopes' rates for solving that problem).

I think - personally - I would be wondering about whether we could buy or rent a cheapie caravan for the time being - whilst saving for a deposit - not ideal by any manner of means, nor a long-term solution - but at least it would be your own space - just the two of you.