Newlyweds living with parents..starting to go mad

Nerris

Hi everyone,

I'm new to these forums, so please be gentle!
I hope you can offer me your opinions on my/our situation as I'm starting to feel quite down.

My husband and I married a few months ago.
I was in a lot of debt from a previous relationship, so I had moved back home to live with my parents, I met my husband a while afterwards (he was in his final year at Uni). He moved in with me there some time later and we have have gotten engaged and married whilst living here (total, 3 years this Xmas).

The plan was we'd pay off my debts (which I have now done - thank God), then once it was paid, start saving up for a deposit for a house and we worked out we could save a respectable chunk in a year or two.

Although this is a good and sensible plan, I'm not sure I can live here for another year (or maybe more), we really do need our own place and I'm getting increasingly unhappy. I also work with my family in the family business so it can be pretty intense for me living and working with them.

My husband has also just started up his own business and although it's done fairly well initially we don't know how it will be affected by the 'credit crunch'.

My sister has suggested that now I have some money freed up, we could rent somewhere rather than look to buy as she can see how much I need my own space and she worries the financial commitment of a mortgage would be too much pressure right now.

My husband has said he just wants me to be happy so is willing to rent, but I know deep down he'd rather save some money. Also his father doesn't really believe in renting and influences him quite a lot and keeps saying 'if you can just wait another year the house prices will fall even more'.

What would you do? Rent now for sanity's sake and maybe not be able to save so much for a future deposit or wait it out and save a good deposit and buy in a year or 2?(but possibly go bonkers?)


Thank you.

Callisto

Personally, I went for the move out and rent option before I went insane!

I was living with OH and his Mum for about two years, we moved out June last year into a one bed flat and moved again into a two bed house in December. We are quite happy to stay here for a while now. Hoping to get married next year and will then start saving for house deposit. It was very stressful moving twice in six months, but we soon outgrew the flat!

How about staying with your parents for now and looking for somewhere to rent in spring or summer next year, still gives you time to put some more into savings, but also gives you a countdown to at least start looking into renting. I'm a firm believer that mental health is far more important than money!

Welshlassie

You're mental health is the most important so I'd move out, you can still save towards your house deposit, but it will just happen a bit slower. WIth the credit crunch the way it is, you'll find hosue prices dropping anyway and in a year or twos time you may find you have enough saved for a deposit that wouldn't have been enough to get a hose in odasy market (hope that makes sense).

I'd tell your DH not to tell his father you were planning on renting until it is done if he has that much influence over him. You are married now and it should be your decision not his.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

girleight@

Have you figured out how much it would cost for you to move out? Would there be a cheaper way to improve your life such as a few weekends away or more nights out? Really, it's not worth being miserable. You could get run over by a bus tomorrow!

reetyre

ARGH i just wrote a MASSIVE post and it vanished!
I am newlywed (May) living at my parents in the midlands with hubby while we try to sell our flat in London in order to move on.
If I had a choice I would rent in a heartbeat, we just cant justify it while still paying mortgage down there.
You can still save while renting, sounds like your job is safe too so just do everything MSE you can to save and get together a deposit to buy eventually.
The way the market is at the moment you could haggle for cheap rent and even rent weekly rather than monthly, that way if its too much or your plans change you can get out quicker.
Good luck with whatever you do, I only wish I had your options, as much as I love my parents and really appreciate what they are doing for us I am desperate to move out - anyone want a nice flat in London???!
Reety xx

Nerris

Thank you all for your replies.

I agree mental health is far more important and mine has been suffering for a bit too long now.

I have seen a little cottage we could afford to rent which is available now and I was quite keen to move out before Christmas so that we could spend our first Christmas as a married couple together in a home of our own...but I do think I'll have to compromise and wait until after christmas so I can at least save a couple of grand up.

Nerris

reetyre wrote: »

Good luck with whatever you do, I only wish I had your options, as much as I love my parents and really appreciate what they are doing for us I am desperate to move out - anyone want a nice flat in London???!
Reety xx

Thanks Reety.

Yes, it's difficult isn't it... I love my parents dearly and I'm very grateful to them for all they've done for us, but my mum even said to me she would go mad too if she'd had to stay with her parents when she was a newlywed.

going2die_rich

Can't say I'd like to live with anyone, let alone my in-laws if I just got married. Especially the first few years before any kids are on the scene. It must be awkward at times, with not being able to just "do" what you like wherever you like.

reetyre

Nerris wrote: »

Thanks Reety.

Yes, it's difficult isn't it... I love my parents dearly and I'm very grateful to them for all they've done for us, but my mum even said to me she would go mad too if she'd had to stay with her parents when she was a newlywed.

My mum has said the exact same thing, when it gets too much for me or hubby I have to remind him that they dont want us there as much as we dont want to be there, its cramping their style as much as ours (well, maybe not quite as much but you know what I mean!);)

If we havent sold/in the serious throes of selling by mid November we will rent for a while I think - I cant have our first married Xmas in my old bedroom at mum and dads, no matter how impractical it is money wise to move out!

skylight

Mental health and private space is far more important.

Secondly, what if... next year? The prices may drop but the criteria for getting a mortgage may change (which is likely), so you may not even be offered a decent mortgage anyway. Its a what if. What if you are expecting a baby next year and cannot cope with a mortgage anyway when only on one salary? What if you were run over by a bus tomorrow??

Life is too short. Enjoy it. A small rental would still allow you to put money away for your own place eventually.

richardw

Move out and rent and watch the physical side of your relationship improve!

There's more to life than saving to get a mortgage.