Am I being wrong denying my ex-husband access to his son?

Bubbles911

aaw it wasn't meant to, i just really think you have been amazing with A. We actually saw you once when you didnt know walking down the street just you and him when he first came to live with you and you were both walking along together laughing and you were swinging his arm around and you could see how much you loved each other. He is a lucky kid.

socrat4586

Hi everyone, I'm having real problems with my ex at the moment. We have a 7 yr old son together. My ex lives 100 miles away and has just decided to get rid of his car. This is all well and good but he is now expected me to drop my son to the train station every weekend and pick him up from the train station. This may sound petty but the train station is a 10 minute drive away and I have to pay for parking everytime. I also have a 6 month old daughter and work full time so the last thing I need is to be rushing around making sure my son catches the right train and that his dad is on it!!
I was just wondering if I could turn around abd say that if he w3ants to see his son he has to come to our house and pick him up, or does he have rights to make me ferry our son to him?? He's making life really difficult for us at the mo and I could really do with some advice?? Cheers!:j

Rosie_Bud

I think some give and take is what is required. Its great that he is making an effort to see his son! Me and my DH have his children every other weekend and in the week and we pick them up and drop them off as their mum doesn't drive. This is 10 minutes each way and we both work full time aswell. I am sure you would want your son to keep in contact with his dad and if that means you helping out a little, then so be it!

I am sure your ex didn't just decide to get rid of his car to spite you. The way things are at the moment if you have to make cut backs then you have to make them. Does he pay you maintenance? Would you have preferred him stop that just so he could drive to pick his son up?

Could someone come with you to the train station so that you don't have to park the car?

I think in the grand scheme of things 40 minutes every weekend so that your son continues to have a relationship with his father is a small price to pay!

Rosie xx

uganda

As a father who is in the process of splitting up with his 1-yo daughter's mother, with no blame attached to either of us, no abuse, no infidelity, no screaming matches, but I would have preferred to stay with her, it is very hard for me to take the idea of an absent father being 'allotted' little bits of time here and there. If a father has actually abandoned his family (which may have happened here) then he cannot complain about that too much. But very few people seem to sympathise with fathers even when they have done nothing wrong.

It has emerged through this thread though, that this man has threatened violence. If this is true, it should be reported. I am not sure I would trust a man with a child who shows violent tendencies towards that child's mother, and limited/supervised custody would then be a more acceptable issue.

Also, the demands an absent father makes should be reasonable. In my case, it is not my fault if I live some distance away, and my ex is just as responsible for this physical barrier - I would much rather be in the family home and not have such a barrier. In an abandonment situation, where he has just swanned off to a town 200 miles away because he feels like it, then that is his responsibility.

It may be that his side of the story sheds a different light on it of course. But the number one priority for both of you has to be your son.

bargainbird

Why is it up to the mum's to do the running around.... Just so contact can be resumed.

From past experiance having to drive half way to meet ex 45 mile round trip. If the shoe was on the other foot they wouldn't do it.

It's ok saying give and take, but for this lady she is doing all the giving, so he got rid of his car now everybody has to put them selves out for his benefit. Expecting you to park/pay in a train station car park and take a 7 yo and a 6mo onto the platform, is a joke. i bet you can't wait till the middle of winter can you ?

Rosie_Bud

bargainbird - you mention meeting your ex halfway - this is give and take.

socrat4586's ex is coming down on the train to meet his son. Give and take.

Like I said before, at least effort is being made for contact. There are plenty out there that don't.

mrcow

socrat4586 wrote: »

I was just wondering if I could turn around abd say that if he w3ants to see his son he has to come to our house and pick him up, or does he have rights to make me ferry our son to him??

Or you could just explain to him that it's causing a problem and that in future, he needs to get off the train, leave the station and to be waiting in a place where you can drop your son off easily to him. Then they can get the train back together. That way, there are no parking problems.

There is no point making your son suffer by not seeing his Dad over something as small as a ten minute car journey.

Rosie_Bud

Thats a great idea mrcow. He must have to get off the train anyway, I assume, to be able to get back to where he lives. At least it would save socrat4586 having to pay for parking and like you said her son would still get to see his dad.

Strapped

My sister tried to control her ex, saying he wasn't allowed to introduce "her" kids to his new gf. In the end she lost residency of them to him and his now wife. 'Nuff said.

Cerisa

It's completely reasonable to not want your very young son introduced to people your ex hasn't been seeing very long. Mainly because children get attached to people easily and because of how irresponsible your ex was last time - 'swearing to secrecy' god you don't do that to a five year old! Perhaps the two of you should have a visitation agreement set out. It's unreasonable for him to expect your mother to cater to his alcoholism, but not that he should wish to see his son. This - his saying you have to bring him over - is about control. That's unreasonable. If he can't drive, he should get on the bus or train. He isn't allowed to cut off payments because you've refused to dance to his every whim. Get legal help involved, set out some clear guidelines. Having said that, don't over-react, because children need their father.

My sister tried to control her ex, saying he wasn't allowed to introduce "her" kids to his new gf. In the end she lost residency of them to him and his now wife. 'Nuff said.

Big difference between not letting a man's children meet their future step mum and being wary of your ex intoducing your children to every girl he takes out on a friday night. Besides I really doubt that's the whole story. Nuff said.