Simplifying Life - Mark II

ceridwen

Hi Mary

Well - at least thats Stage 1 sorted okay. You've had that hospital visit - so dont have to worry about that bit anymore. So - its now "sit back and wait" time. Fingers crossed that its all okay no problem.

I know what is meant by the comments about sometimes things arent meant to be - and if there's a lot of obstacles then its for a reason - to prevent one heading any further down that road. But one or two obstacles is par for the course - and certainly so in a country where (dare I say it) <whispers> things are often not run very efficiently <end of stage whisper>. There can be problems differentiating sometimes between the "usual inefficiency" and "obstacles because something isnt meant to be". I guess I've got a "rough rule of thumb" - that 2/3/even 4 obstacles is the "usual inefficiency" - but if it goes beyond that...then there is a Message there for me - along the lines of "Wrong road - please take next diversion".

Rowan9

Hi folks - haven't been "in" here for ages but read some posts tonight and wanted to say all the best Mary. I'm off to read back some more to see how many hampers you've been making and what you've all been up to!
W
ps - have started meditating again. Did most evenings this week - about 10 mins, with a candle. Very relaxing. Just need to keep doing it!
w

Lula-Hula

Mary - relieved that you did manage to get there; I'm not sure how I would cope with such a long wait & I'm sure you are now thinking " I just want to know what I'm dealing with so can prepare myself". It's always the not knowing that's so unsettling, at least when there's a definite you can take action.

Good news on the grocery delivery & next time definitely try asking if he'll put all the stuff away - worth a try .

I've managed to clear my table & took a large bag of clothes to the charity shop. They said that a lot of the records they get end up in the bin so have put them back in the cupboard again for now . I am now heading towards the box of pictures & frames, but this week end my sister & I need to talk to Dad about what to do with my mums ashes, not looking forward to that at all so it may be a while before I go near the photos.

Best wishes to all & super positive thoughts for Mary

lula
xx

mary43

Thanks all for you continuing good wishes.

Lula - you are doing well with your clearing out. Mines at a complete standstill for the minute until my heads got a bit more space to think.
Don;t envy you the task with the ashes............my friend still has her mums after about 7 years. She can;t work out what to do with them - I suggested she got a rosebush called Mum or Mother -there are two different ones if I remember rightly - and mixed the ashes with the soil, then she'd always feel her Mum was there and she'd could take the rose with her if she moved. With your dad, it might be a suggestion that he look for a plant of your Mums name and he could do the same.........still that;s just my thoughts on it. You and your Dad might want to do something totally different. My mum wants hers put in dads grave but says we have to do it sneakily without telling the vicar in case it costs money............lol She's quite insistant about that and I can see us when the time comes prowling round a little village churchyard at midnight and hoping for a full moon so we can see what we're doing..........it's a sad topic really but I feel I have to find some humour in it somewhere to make it more bearable.

Foster daughter has just phoned to say she's got the time off next week to take us to hospital- she'll be a good support for OH if the result isn't a good one. And her OH is looking out for another car for us and buying our old one for the banger racing he loves so much. We're going over to see them tomorrow morning. Since her house fire last year she's done a lot of decorating I haven't seen yet. So, all in all, I feel a lot more positive than I have done. Shan't really feel 'right' till I know exactly whats what and if anything needs doing etc.
So keep the positive vibes coming - I'm sure they're helping.
Good luck with the ashes Lula and hope my comments about what I'd do havent offended at all. They certainly aren't meant to be.
And yes, next time I will ask the delivery chap to put stuff away for me. OH is going to seek him out at the supermarket and give him a tip for today.
So unusual to find a young person willing to put himself out like that its worth it.
Oh and while you're sending the positive vibes...........can you send a few to my printer ? It seems to have decided these last two days it doesn't want to play.....................lol

Lula-Hula

Mary - thanks for your comments & experience & I'm not in the slightest bit offended - love the thought of you & your sister sneaking round a graveyard at night It is a sad topic but humour is also essential. Both my parents of the secular / humanist variety so wanted to donate body to medical science which I am all in favour of.

We had a memorial service shortly after mum passed with all family & friends present & no need for funeral. This was in may 2007 & in november last year dear father announced that the medical scientists had finished their work & we now had to have a cremation for mum . Both my sister & I were shocked to say the least as he'd forgotten / omitted to tell us this would be happening at some point in the future.

We decided - for various reasons- to keep this between the 3 of us & attended the very brief service last month. At the time dad said he would collect the ashes at some point & planned to bury them along with an oak sapling somewhere at his golf club & then tell the rest of the family. My sister & I have pondered this & apart from the obvious complexities of having to declare to the rest of the family that he suddenly & mysteriously has the ashes in his possession, we also believe that if they are to buried then it should be somewhere more accessible to all than his golf club, although if it turns out that this is very dear to him then we will go along with it. I'm fairly convinced this is not where she would have chosen as she never played golf herself :rolleyes: . She was a painter & loved the south coast so that remains another option. I have been elected to raise this issue with him & it is tricky as although dad is very approachable, affable & humorous I dont want to upset him.

I do apologise if anyone is offended by my discussing this but apart from the obvious sorrow of losing someone so dear, it has thrown up all sorts of bizarre situations & a complete shift in all the family relationships, so it's great to be able to put it all out there & if anyone has any thoughts or ideas please feel free to voice them. I often sit back & chuckle to myself at the sheer farcical nature of some of the things we've had to do, but in a way it does help lift the sombre side of things & remind me that life is for living

lula
xx

ceridwen

LULA - I'm not the best person to advise on things like ashes - as I dont function the same way in that respect - but perhaps the spot where your mother painted whichever is her favourite painting then?

On a different topic - I noted you're on this £100 for clothes for a year challenge. How goes it? I spotted that challenge the other day and thought "I won't join it - as I'll go over that this year" - but I dont think I'll be doing too badly on that - think the spends this year are £5? for 3 pairs of bedsocks (I'm starting to get intermittent chilly feet in bed) and there's a replacement coat to get later this year (so thats an estimated £100 - £150). Dont think I'll need anything else clothes-wise this year..

That sorta ties in with the fact that I'm walking round pondering that I'll actually have some "spare" money at long long very long last soon.....every penny I've had virtually has gone on my dump of a house for years now. So - I'll be able to stick that "6 months worth of living expenses" in savings at last - which will be a relief. Then I start to get a bit stuck - as I dont intend to go round spending it for the sake of it on buying stuff, etc - and I want to just put it away in savings in case I ever need it (bearing in mind the state of the NHS on the one hand and the fact I wont be getting my State Pension until a while after I retire - and so will have to live on my job pension only for a bit). So my mind is revolving round "I want to put it in savings/it would be a good idea to put it in savings.....but if I do that...then I might pick the wrong place to put it and it vanishes in some firm's collapse (think I'd probably suss out somewhere suitable to avoid that...) or if hyper-inflation comes along then a lot of it would vanish in a puff of smoke....or if I got thrown onto benefits then I dont want to have more than £6,000 of savings".......mind revolving round how to have savings and protect them from all eventualities.

I cant cut back my workweek - my employers would certainly agree - but then my pension would be reduced as well - so thats not an option....oh well.....wanders off for the day....still pondering......thinks: do I get very good and once I've got that "6 months worth" of living expenses - then maybe I just join every group I agree with and just give the money away to the most pressing "good cause" need - but then I'd worry in case I ever needed an operation or the house needed some work on it......

Think I shouldnt have got up yet....my brain is obviously still going off at all sorts of tangents...:cool: :rolleyes:

I won't be in this position for a few months - as it'll take a while to save that "6 months worth of living expenses" money - but I'm thinking ahead here (as usual) - so has anyone else been in this position? What did you do?

mary43

Lula - I understand the quandry with where your Dad wants the ashed to go and where your mum might have preferred them. Dad always wanted Mum buried alongside him in the little village churchyard - she wanted cremation and told him that there comes a time when we can;t hold hands anymore..........which is very true. How I see it the ashes are just the remains, the spirit is still around and it wouldn't really matter to me where I was 'planted' or 'scattered' to be honest. I've told OH to go for the cheapest option.............lol But that's just my opinion. Maybe your Dad still feels he wants to have your Mum close to him hence his choice of the golf course..........a place he is fond of and if he still plays regularly then he'd feel she was there. I should imagine it'll be difficult for all the family to agree on this.
I wish you luck - its a difficult thing to discuss with family and as you say, a sense of humour always helps with these sort of things.

ceridwen - hang on to your money -you never know when you might need it. Thank goodness I didn't spend my little insurance maturity - part of it will go towards paying for another car and you never know what other 'rainy days' there might be. As for the safest place to keep it..........well mines in a savings account -for what its worth with interest rates being so low. Someone mentioned on the radio some time back that buying premium bonds wouldn't be a bad idea as there's always the odd chance of winning........worth a though maybe ?

ceridwen

Hi Mary

Well I bumped into a friend when out shopping just now and ran this money thing past him and he reminded me about Triodos and the Ecology Building Society. I'd sort of overlooked these - I know about and approve of them and do recall reading an article (pre Depression Mark II) that said words to the effect that not only are a lot of these ethical places better morally - but they tend to be about as good as the non-ethical ones. I am reminded that I dont think the Co-op Bank, for instance, is in the trouble that the others are - precisely because of their ethical policies meaning they havent "got up to" the sort of stuff the others did. I may be wrong on that - but I seem to recall thats the case.

So - thinking I'll go and look up ethical investment websites - reet....Ecology Building Society one here I come....thinks: wonder if they do ISA's?

Re joining a few more "worthy" groups - must go and look up the Greenpeace website and I reckon the Woodland Trust sounds a good idea too......

EDIT: hmmm....they do do ISA's. How does 3% interest rate match up then? Off for some more investigating....

Charis

ceridwen wrote: »

.

So - thinking I'll go and look up ethical investment websites - reet....Ecology Building Society one here I come....thinks: wonder if they do ISA's?

Ceridwen, do you know whether savings in a building society are covered in the same way as savings in banks? I've been wondering because my tiny hoard is in my current account atm, which seems daft but I don't want to invest in a sinking ship.

2cats1kid

Just had a quick look at Ethical BS and it is covered by the FSCS guarantee. I can't think of any BS that aren't - a quick look at their website should tell you.