please help

skintnow

i have no one to talk to i feel so alone in this....i have spoken with my wife and she has been good...but i cant get my head round how stupid Ive been.....and i must take responsibility for it...but i havent got the strength to do it....i told my little girl yesterday when i picked her up from school it nearly ripped my heart out.....ive let them all down so badly...its my wifes birthday tomorrow...i cant afford a present for her....i feel a failure and its not worth going on

Merlot

I am assuming your wife knows? Can she take longer hours for the meantime? How about you posting your CV on some of the internet job sites like Monster/fish4jobs etc.

I take it you will get paid at the end of the month, if so, then this will atleast give you a wee bit of time to find another job, take anything, be it Tesco, anything.

lincsdan86

As an excessive internet user myself, this surely doesnt consitute gross misconduct or any of the other serious issues which would lead straight to dismissal.

Check you contract to see what the disciplinary procedure. As you ave said you have never had any warnings in the past the most you should get is a verbal or written warning which, should by the sounds of it be enough to make you stop using the internet so much.

DO NOT hand your letter in. If this is the only problem your employer has with your work there is always ways around it, such as not allowing your computer to ave access to the internet.

Good luck, and keep us all informed of what your going to do. :-)

skintnow

Merlot wrote: »

No, you mustn't think like ending it, losing your job or having a large mortgage isn't worth ending your life for, talk to us on here.

I think your first port of call is the CAB, I think you can access it online, read about terminating employment, have they done the correct thing, why didn't you want a disciplinary hearing? How you been warned of the same offence before? I am not judging you, but we need to know the full facts if we are to help you.

Merlot.x.

no not at all..i have never had a warning in my life no one has ever spoken to me about it before...i was in a management position working nightshifts...even if someone had said to me about it i would of stopped straight away....it became a habbit...which then became the norm.... i dont want a disciplinary hearing as they said they with hold a refernence and they would pay me three months notice....if i was dissmissed i would get nothing, not even a reference.

Merlot

Deposit_saver wrote: »

That seems very harsh indeed especially if you were not even warned of excessive internet usage. Its something that many many people do, myself included. Is there someone at work you can speak to in confidence?, please dont hand that resignation in yet until you find out all the facts.

Wise words,. OP are you in a union? Call the CAB today and find out if your employer has followed the correct procedure?

Do not hand that letter in until you have had advice from the CAB or a union representative.

Merlot.x.

cuddlymarm

Hi

Just sending you a hug:grouphug: and remember nothing is ever as bad as you think it is.
Have you talked to your wife yet? Things are always easier when shared.
You sound very low and shocked at the moment. Try to take a deep breath and remember thats it only a job and there are others out there, this is not the end of the world.

Keep talking to us and you'll start to feel better. :grouphug:

skintnow

Deposit_saver wrote: »

That seems very harsh indeed especially if you were not even warned of excessive internet usage. Its something that many many people do, myself included. Is there someone at work you can speak to in confidence?, please dont hand that resignation in yet until you find out all the facts.

apparently there is a policy for internet usage...it is listed as gross misconduct in the disciplinary and dismissal procedure....i can t see a way out if it...i said to them in the meeting yesterday...take all my bonus, freeze my pay, demote me...but let me stay but they insisted on going through the disciplinary procedure or me to resign

skintnow

i have never had any previous warnings at all.........im so shocked and scared

wheretheresawill

things may look bleak now but they WILL improve. You just need to start again. Your family would much rather you talked to them than see you suffer in silence. Write down the things that are bothering you and what the consequences are of resigning e.g payment of loans and go through each one and write down ways of solving each problem.

your family may be shocked but they are family and hopefully they will support you. I guess theres a background behind you resigning and i'm sure they have not been oblivious to these stressors. Look how shocked that mans family were (the one who set fire to everything and killed his family) and look at the family and friends who said they would have helped if only he had asked. We all make mistakes, dont let pride get in the way.

Take it from me ( I got sick, stress made it worse, I owed 30k dependant on graduating to pay back, I stayed at uni, I got more stressed, sicker, suicidal then they kicked me out!! best thing that ever happened cos I wasnt brave enough to walk away from something I hated because I had debt. I was bankrupted. God worse year of my life. Three years later I have so much - a nice house, a new career, a lovely new nephew and most importantly my health.

If a job stresses you so much it makes life/health bad -LEAVE!!

In years to come you'll see that you made the right choice

Deposit_saver

Please follow Merlot's advice, i get a bad impression of your employer by their actions. You sound a very responsible and hard working person and im sure everything will work out fine. Keep your chin-up and find out all the information you need.