scared and worried

johannamse

See here as well...http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=114435

CAT_5

thank you johannamse.

The forum seems a little slow at the moment so I'll post on the benfits boards, soon as I've done the shower, bank (grovel) shopping thing, probably around lunchtime.

Thanks so much for the reply and it's a beautiful morning, sun is streaming through my window :-)

johannamse

Hi CAT,

Morning!

I have been coming on MSE for about 18 months and you get to know the popular/busy boards and quiet ones. The Loans board is a quiet one. That was what I was trying to say in first post. You will get many more replies on other boards.

Have a nice shower/bank etc...see you at lunch!

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Truly sorry you're having a rough time right now and hope this helps. You don't need to feel suicidal to be depressed - it can be a kind of low grade thing making you not able to feel very much joy in anything. Most GP practices have a practice counsellor, could you ask your GP if you could be referred to them? Sometimes there's a waiting list so don't be shy about explaining why you want to see one immediately. If that doesn't work most large towns and cities have a Well Women Centre which offers counselling, again there may be a waiting list so again you might need to be brutally honest about why you need to start seeing a counsellor asap. If you still feel counselling might help but waiting lists are too long for you, you might want to think about asking your GP to refer you to a mental health professional for assessment - that can sound quite scary for a lot of people but you'd be amazed how many people have benefitted from going down that route.
I know nothing about debt solutions but a lot about being swamped by stuff and not doing what needs to be done in the right order but came across a couple of things that made me organise my life, feelings, problems so everything started to be sensible. As you're a tekkie have a look at https://www.mindmap (just google it) it's a freeware which enables plotting of all 'stuff' in life. The other one is how to get stuff done this is a piece about it in the Guardian and there's a website http://technology.guardian.co.uk/businesssense/story/0,,1580180,00.html
or google on David Allen Getting Things Done. This bloke has getting life organised down to a fine art! You'll have done zillions of Action Plans for work, have you done one for your life and all that's in it right now?
Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is ask for help, makes one feel exposed and vulnerable, and sometimes asking is the only thing that will make a difference but people aren't mind readers to we have to tell them what the problem is. I know conselling might seem a bit 'heavy' but given your physical health state and practical life problems it might just tick the box for you, and that's what a CAB debt counsellor does.
Good luck and keep bouncing back, which you've done admirably so far - Dora
ps heard the other day some women have hot flushes for 10 years! Mine are hitting their 3rd birthday and have found NOWT that helps except remembering female senior managers will be having them too.

CAT_5

Well my morning hasn't got me to the shower yet, spent ages on the phone to Welfare Rights who couldn't really help me after explaining the whole (drama) twice but suggested I ring Cab.

I've done that and spoken to a fantastically supportive guy called Paul, the receptionist must have sensed the despair in my voice and whilst they don't do telephone help the next voice was Paul's. He listed and whilst Housing Associations aren't his 'thing' he gave great advice and ultimately offered to ring the 'dragon' for me. The receptionist rang me back about 10 mins ago to say Paul was now with clients but that the 'dragon' hadn't yet returned his call but he wanted to let me know that he would call soon as she did.

The advice he gave:

Yes, they can take me to court and once they made their minds up to take court action they would likely follow through.

They can take me to court even if I pay the minimum of £2.85 but likely a judge would give a suspended repossession as I'm on HB.

He was concerned that she had backtracked on her letter and there wasn't much time granted me.

He also seemed concerned over the wording.

I was 100% honest so he knew the full situation, so no surprises if or when he spoke to the 'dragon'. I'm a useless liar anyway and with my memory currently would probably forget so much easier to be honest and get the facts.

He also said that if it went to court and I had by some miracle got it down to 0 balance the judge would throw it out, so that's why the 'dragon' said she would look at my account the day before court.

He made me feel like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and said if it went to court, they could arrange for someone to metaphorically, hold my hand. I'm sure that feeling will wear off (might even be my pain killers kicking in, lol, but at the moment I have clear vision :-)

He also said about claiming possibly for disability or mobility allowance, I explained I don't see myself as disabled and majority of the questions in the form are very black and white but he said someone at CAB could help me fill one in (I guessed behind the lines he was saying, right and wrong way to answer these forms) but even if I failed to get it, I wouldn't lose anything.

Hi johannamse

Thanks for the links re courses, I had a brief look earlier. I have checked the course list and nothing really fits my personal needs, but it was just a cursory look so will check back when I have more time in case I missed something. The rouble with someone who is mostly self-taught is that I have lots of expert knowledge but also a few gaps so I have to bear that in mind. I have got a couple of MS exams under my belt with excellent pass rates but I took myself through those and they are recognised qualifications. The last 15 years has all been pc related and range from 1/2 line support to project management, trouble shooting is my forte, these days the youngsters know so much and it's a very diverse field so you have to be totally committed so it helps enormously that I truly love what I do. :-) Mostly sub-contract work but also some PAYE. I'm one of these people that are loved in a crisis as I can usually take on any role, great at organisation, shame not so good at that in my personal life tho ;-)

Hi Dora :-)

Thanks for the insight into depression, I really don't think that's a major problem for me, I'm too bouncy really, sure I get sad at times and there are some real trust issues in my past but by and large, I deal with them, some areas I know the time isn't quite right to visit/face up to them but I think I'll know when I can do that without causing myself a problem.

Wow, another lady on the fire circuit (menopause) and nothing worked so far? Have you ever opened the fridge door just for the pleasure of the cold air? LOL Why do women have to pay for all these bits and bobs just cause we're female, I need shares in Always and Feminax, I mean, it's not like we have a choice in these matters is it, but I never see the option to have a teeny weenie bit more money to cope with those issues. I can just imagine the last generation saying, we didn't have your choices, we just had to get on with it ;-) I could do with an underwear allowance too and extra for the soap powder/laundrette/electricity ;-) We need more female politicians.

Thanks for the links re software, I'm a bit of a software freak and have tons of archives going back over the years of all my software, I have bits of RAM and drives all over the place, plus all my old machines in a cupboard, well there's an old Apricot in my lounge, only had 640k of Ram but still works good as new.

Thanks so much for the friendly and comforting advice that's been extended to me by all, it feels as though I found a comfy pair of slippers. It's a bit scary dipping your toes in the water for the first time but you made the transition from lurker to poster very easy for me.

Bless you all :-)

I'm off to make a sandwich, then shower and start my original morning plans again, I'll post back later to say what the bank said, not sure if the decision will be instant or not. Then I'll post in the benefits part in case I missed something, don't want johannamse telling me off just yet ;-)

I feel absolutely shattered (tired) now, don't know if that's due to some relief or a bad night, I do usually take a snooze in the day as most of the time I'm changing sheets when I should be sleeping ;-)

too many typos so edited to correct them, oops

CAT_5

Just a quickie, I decided to try and ring my bank, save me going in and they extended my overdraft to £550 from £300 so not enough but it all helps, now to see if I can cut back on anything else to come up with the magic figure....

Wonder if I have anything to sell on ebay that will also help Children in Need, off to scout round my boxes :-)

ps, maybe that wasn't sunshine surrounding me this morning but a guardian angel's light :-)

johannamse

CAT wrote:

I'm off to make a sandwich, then shower and start my original morning plans again, I'll post back later to say what the bank said, not sure if the decision will be instant or not. Then I'll post in the benefits part in case I missed something, don't want johannamse telling me off just yet ;-)

Hooray for Paul.

Youve had a really good day. You deserve a rest. Post later on. I would never be angry, just want to help.

You WILL definitely qualify for Disability Living Allowance. It's not for disabled people, just people that have something that stops them going about their business as well as everyone else. People wil asthma and adhd get it.

happy sleep.

asharon

No advice but lots of hugs and warm wishes to you.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Great news that you're having a positive day - well done you. Try for the DLA and accept support in filling in the form from CAB because they know exactly which words and phrases to use. If CAB think you should give it a shot they think you have a chance and if you're turned down apppeal, and if the appeal is turned down appeal again as most people who get to this final stage are successful. You're the best judge of when and what counselling would give you, you just sounded a bit 'unmoored' in your post.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the blokes on Dragons Den had hot flushes ! On camera !!

CAT_5

Good morning all :-)

I am having problems with my original mail so didn't know I had any replies but I do :-) And a very lovely lady send me a private message but I had to use a different email to reply so I hope if she uses spam rules my mail got through (and I hope she does use them).

Can I change email addresses for forum replies - easilly? I have to be honest, I didn't use my regular email addy when I first joined, having been online for years it's a rule I developed so no offense intended :-(

I know my life has always been a bit crazy but I went to the doctors/chemist then shopping last night and this beep beep man reversed straight into me in the supermarket carpark, geeeeeeeeeeee, there must have been 5/6 feet between us, I was waiting for him to drive down the shopping car park lane to a space and he was stationary, so I stopped behind him, other cars waiting behind me when eh suddenly turned round, and just reveresed into me, sure it was dark but car park is well lit, all had car lights on, mine are quite bright, I could not believe it!

No damage, or least couldn't see any, looks like his bumper hit mine (mines a well built car) his was a very old ford fiesta, was a foreign chap, Italian, Spanish, French, he got out, waved his arms about, said something I didn't understand (other folks were starting to watch) I'd been feeling sick prior to this, how I wasn't heaven knows, LOL thought he was going to drive off but another man looked at my car too and said no damage, then the cheeky driver waved me into a car space behind him! I had to laugh, if I didn't I would have cried for sure. The joke is, I was considering changing from fully comp to 3rd party, so I'll take that as a warning, not an economical move LOL

I did get 24 loo rolls for the price of 18 though ;-) So by the time I arrived back, I was exhausted, I'd had another episode of cramp about 10 mins before when driving, so was feelign sick anyway so just sat on the settee with the cat and didn't move till I went to bed.

I've just been downstairs to get my post and 2 letters from the 'dragon' haven't opened them - yet :-(

You know when you know you have to know the contents but either put it off for a brave moment later in the day or open them with your fingers covering your eyes, that's how I feel, this business of going to court makes me shake.

It's almost like there are two sides to me, the positive side when I can deal with anything becuase, that's life and no choice, and the other that wants a peaceful, worry free day but know not knowing will not be quite so worry free. I'm rambling, sorry.

johannamse

The bit about not making you annoyed with me, was said fondly :-) All of you have given me courage to face whatever happens, the encouragment and support that everyone needs, so it was said with a smile on my face, not as a way of saying, 'oh she told me off', LOL, that just isn't me. I appreciate everythign that's been posted, it has made my days so much brighter, as I said before, much like having comfy slippers that make your toes squeal with delight as they relax into warmth and comfort. :-)

I'm going to have to see how I can see all the posts when replying, maybe I use the wrong way to respond cause I seem to lose the most recent posts.

Thank you all for the hugs, much appreciated.

Oops, one other thing before I switch to the benfits board to post there, I asked the receptionist at my surgery last night, (she's a nice mother type lady) if it was acceptable or within etiquette to ask to see my consultant when I go in December as opposed to the house office or registrar (not sure what they are called). She said yes, to ring my consultant's secretary, she felt that was ok, so I'm going to do that when I finish this and the next post. (wish I could type as fast as my brain thinks)

Edit: forgot to say:

When I post on the Benefits side, should I quote my post here to save repeating anything not relevant to that post?

I aslo need to see if there's a place to post about ideas for saving money with pets somewhere here, if anyone has suggestion where that might be, got some issues with my lovely moggy/where I live etc

Thanks again for the hugs :-)