scared and worried

CAT_5

This is a long story, but don't want to leave out any pertinent facts.

some of the background

Only daughter died 6 years ago (still grieving)
Divorced, very ugly 3 years ago
Moved 3 times, twice within 3 months, landlord sold property
2 major operations and a medical negligence case resulted 3 years ago
2 operations last 12 months, possible 3rd in December, 2 broken ribs last 2 months

I used to be a techie, excellent one too, I love hardware and software and even though I'm female I'm mostly self taught but diagnosis just seems to be my forte, I'd love to do MCSE but my plans went wrong. I had a lot of stress this last few years and when I got divorced the ground kept tripping me up, my confidence went and is almost at 0 now. Because of ill health I knew no employee should take me on and to be forced into work knowing that I would be unreliable due to sickness wasn't a move I felt comfortable with, the job centre started to make me feel uncomfortable and I ended up going on a course last december (2004), the trainers on the course told me I should be a trainer but understood and were great when ever I was ill but in January I was ill for 2 weeks and had to be taken off the course, benefits round trip again, they (HB team) never seem to realise the stress one has when you can't pay your rent on time. When I moved 2 years ago my my landlord (then not now) opened up my mail and banked my HB, of course I never received it so filled in a lost claim, not realising what happened, I soon got a letter from the fraud department and was called in, luckilly for me, the chap although at first made it clear he thought I had stolen it, did eventually make a sort of semi apology, I'll never forget what he said, ' you're actually incredibly stupid or an incredibly good liar and my reply, how about incredibly honest!' but since then he does help to resolve my problems quite quickly but when I went sick in January and lost my course, the benefits all stopped and I went ages, 2 months trying to sort it all out and at the time I was having hospital appointments almost fortnightly with scans etc so my stress factor was high, same thing happened again late March just as January got sorted out I had to change from JSA to Income support, about early May that got resolved but was a rent increase which got missed and they discovered they overpaid me late 2003 so were then taking back the over payments at £8 per week, I've since got that down to £4 per week and ends April 2005, I also now have £21 pound old council tax being reclaimed from me for 2003, ends January 2006 and a crisis loan that I got reduced from £9 to 5 per week, net result £46.50. I have been told if I reapply for a loan end of November I will likely get one but they can't say how much.

Due to all of the above, I struggled sometimes to get to the bank to pay in my HB and then when cleared go back to get it transfered but can't get it paid direct or I lose my overdraft facility.

I received a letter yesterday from my landlord saying that I was to contact them on the 14th or they would instruct court action on the 18th, Yesterday was 15th when I got the letter and I rang soon as I got it, left a message on voicemail appologising for the arrears and stating that I would reduce it by £2 per week and I would be making a payment within 7 days. They rang me back today and it's a new Housing Officer and I don't get on with this new person (usually get on with everyone), she made it quite clear from the start that she had already instructed court action so I asked why the letter stated differently and she said because my account was not being paid monthly, (they just last month introuced a new method of paying online but otherwise it was by post office) I explained about being ill etc but was fairly clear she wasn't interested and said it if went to court I would lose my home plus incurr £250 court costs and the judge would award her damages plus £2.85 per week. I tried so hard not to let her know how upset I was getting eventually my voice cracked and eventually after my saying how disaapointed I was that I would be put through this extra stress + added debt of £250 when it was clear I was attempting to rectify things she eventually said she would not apply for my home to be reposessed but would still take me to court to ensure that my rent was uptodate. I explained that I was £310 in arreas plus the one month HB that's always in arrear and having spoken to her before I know she won't accept that housing benefit pays in arreas so her parting words were she would look at my account the day before court and if it was 0 balance she would take it out of court, I can't find another month's rent, even if I used every penny of my benefit to pay it.

I know I let things get to me and I know stress just lately is causing me to have really bad headaches but this past year has been such a nightmare that I'm not bouncing back the way I did when I was younger.

I was wondering what my chances would be of getting an overdraft extension so I could pay the £310 + the month in arrears? total £550


I'm due to see my consultant again in 2 weeks and get the results of the latest biospy. I also have some medical expenses per week of about £5.

Being so broke, so worried about things this last few months and with the pain killers I'm on I seem to forget things or get diverted and soemwhere it looks like I forgot to pay 1 months rent.

What I have done this last few months to make things better is to change my phone bill from being paid every quarter to monthly and I activated the payment break plan on my credit card so don't have to worry about that. I'm quite a good cook so can shop quite cheaply but I need to eat quitae a lot of wholesome food, I do pay £8.50 a week electric, old debt + new and the water rates are taking me to court for non payment. I do have car insurance of £21 per month but the only place I go to is shopping or the hospital. I don't have any family and since divorcing and moving away no friends I could ask for help.

I'm usually such an 'up' person but it's just been one thing after the other, added to all the above, I couldn't afford to tax my car june-sept and although I didn't drive it in that time I didn't realise you have to sign a declaration that your vehicle is off the road immiedately so the police are now fining me £80 although they accept that it wasn't driven and kept parked (I wrote back).

Does anyone have some friendly advice for me?

I still have my great sense of humour but laughter seems to have gone out of my life too.

mummytofour

Hunni, It sounds like a really rough time you are going having right now.

My advice would be the CAB, maybe they can help you?
If that fails how about a hardship loan? I would try to avoid that tho as it will mean more payments, so only a last option.

With regards to the rest of your life, Im not really sure how well you are, how about getting yourself some volenrty work? maybe, say the oxfam shop, that will help you get out and about more, make some friends? just say 4 hrs a week, could you manage that?

Another idea, you say you were enjoying your course but you were unable to finish due to ill health, did you know that if you apply to the open uni they will pay your fees as your on income support? That you can do as and when you feel well enough and who knows where that could lead you?

I hope you manage to find a light at the end of the tunnel, above all chin up and keep fighting, life is for living dont let the world get you down.

Vxx

cattie

No real advice, but as a bereaved parent who also lost her only child, then her job & then almost her home I just want to say I truly empathise.

The only suggestion that comes to mind is if you have a spare room to consider taking in a lodger to help you out financially.

You are in a terrible situation & I wish I were able to wave a magic wand & make some of your financial problems go away. I can only hope & pray that you find your way out of all this somehow.

falklandfred

You have been through a lot and the housing thing must be the last straw. However, I suspect that a court will not be sympathetic to the landlord's application - I support the idea of going to your local Citizens Advice Bureau as soon as possible and speaking to a debt counsellor - they are generally very experienced and helpful.
I also suspect you need to talk to someone else about the problems you have been experiencing - someone who is not there to advise, but to listen and share. Is there anyone? - perhaps your local church could put you in touch (I know of a couple people who have been helped without having religion pushed down their throat!)
Good luck

CAT_5

Bless you both for your replies :-)

MummyofFour

I did want to go to uni but the no of hours were outside the rules for JSA. (edit) just realised you said 'open uni' I did start a programmers course some years ago but it was 10 years ago, I still have all the course work in boxes but had to give it up, controlling husband, everything is in boxed at the moment until I can afford shelves and things so I might look back, it might even make more sense to me now but was really the wrong course for me although the idea of creating programs is something I would love to do, I love anaylsis and create all kinds of speadsheets, my pc is an old friend and I enjoy building them, replacing hardware and used too help out on some tech forums - forget a man being the love of my life, all I need is a pc and I'm in love all over again, more reliable too ;-)

Since going on to income support I haven't looked at that possibility as I don't think I could afford to continue the course once my medical problmes are resolved, rent, council tax etc. Renting out a room is out as I live in a one bedroomed flat in the town centre.

I'm not sure if voluntary work would affect my claim for IS, I'm on a reduced amount because I don't have enough NI stamps to qualify for the higher rate which would have been a life saver, however if I'm still unable to work in March next year it will rise to £70 a week, a £20 rise, wish they could do that in stages, I guess the reality is, few politicians have ever had to live on a single person's benefit (or any other) long enough for the bills to start coming in. ( I'd love to get into politics, I'd be making a few heads turn, LOL). Seriously, if I could do voluntary work, I'd be out earning a living - hopefully that will be next 4/6 months :-)

I'm not really sure what sort of voluntary work I'd be suitable for, I love children, love helping people, great with animals, each year I want to work with a charity for fundraising like Children In Need (some of my old confidence coming through as I forget my troubles and type) :-)

Cattie

My heart goes out to you, it's such a painful time and it never goes away, you just learn to adapt and then sometimes it comes right back and hits you straight between the eyes. I try to teach myself to live with the good memories and admit that sometimes the images become a little faded, like putting your hand out but just not quite being able to reach them.

Lots of hugs

I'm hoping that if I have this op in December that this situation will be short lived but it's the immediate worry of the court action that frightens me to death and I can't see the logic in why anyone takes someone to court who clearly would be placed in more financial debt with those additional costs.

I don't know what life holds for me, more worry I suspect ;-) I do know that it's much harder when there is no one to share the good and bad times with, no one to laugh with. Life and circumstances have turned me into a bit of a recluse this past few years but generally I enjoy my own company and have a mad cat that's been with me for 14 years (outstayed both husbands) LOL

I look at the Lottery and wish I could win something , then realise you have to play and that £1 is not something I can afford.

How I drool over the thought of a glass of wine or a cognac :-)

I had thought maybe I should sell my car but it's 9 years old and I doubt I'd get much for it, it's well looked after, have a local family garage that does most of any work quite cheap for me, touch wood hasn't needed anything major doing for 2/3 years and they said it should last me another 3 years at least so almost 0 expense there, petrol costs me about £7 a month, my hospital is 12 miles away and needs 3 buses to get me there and takes about 3 hours, no direct route so no saving as a taxi costs me £15 one way and when you have a gallon of water inside you for a scan, I think they'd soon be puddles ;-)

Thank you once again for your replies, much appreciated. I do hope whatever brings you both to this board gets resolved and soon :-)

CAT_5

Hi FalkandFred, I just replied and saw your post :-)

It was suggested that I talk to someone (won't give their name) at Welfare Rights, apparently the two parties know each other and they'd go to court with me (charming and I didn't really find that reassuring, going to court scares the life out of me).

I'm quite a private person or least have become so, not sure if that's an age thing or simply having had to lay bare most of my private life with the forms, various interviews for benefits and I was a ward of court some 30 + years ago which has left me with bad memories. I'd looked at various articles, forums etc on what CAB advise and I've done virtually all I can that's on their list, but they're all appointments only in my area although I'll pluck up the courage to ring them in the morning and hope I get a friendly voice. I have to admit the thought of laying my soul bare might make me look at things I'm not yet ready to see (hope that makes sense) and yes, I suspect you're right and hope that answers it. Some things have to be dealt with at the right time :-)

The church scenario is out, for personal reasons, someone very close and quite religious betrayed me quite badly who was in a position of trust. I think that's a great, and comforting option if that is your faith, hope you don't mind that that isn't an option for me personally.

Thank you for your reply, and I hope I haven't sounded negative, if I did then I apologise, I don't mean to, I always try to find the sunny moments in life or at least when tears and smiles mingle, I know rainbows have been created and they're simply stunning (see, I'm usually so positive about things) I just can't see how I can find this money out of thin air. I haven't bought any clothes for 3 years or so, my hair needs a good cut been a year since I had that joy, I haven't been out socially for 3 years, my only other expense is my cat and he and I come as a package so that's out, LOL.

If and But seem to be newly acquired words to my vocabulary :-)

Loretta

You need some help and the CAB sounds like a good start. I can see that each problem is connected to another problem and you are also unwell and it looks as if you don't know where to start. You need someone from outside to look at it all and sort it out and deal with people like the Housing etc, I feel they would listen to the CAB or someone like that becuase they could not mess them around. It seems to many 'authority figures' like to bully a bit. Good luck

johannamse

Hey CAT,

Oh my God...where to start??? I am so sorry for all your bloody bad luck. Life is really crappy sometimes and you seem to have had enough for lots of people.

What I suggest is...you need to compartmentalize all the issues you have...

1. Are you sure you are claiming all the right benefits? There are some top notch experts on the benefits board, that will answer ANY questions you have.

2. I am not sure what debts you have, it is too complex for my tiny brain. But again, if you do have debt, post a simple debt post on the debt board. There will give you advice specifically about the debt.

3. Your (for want of a better description - please accept my apologies) emotional issues (bereavment, lonliness, depression). You will be able to get advice on the marriage, relationships and fanilies board.

4. You sound like a very clever lady and you make several references to learning/capabilities in your post - I am pretty sure that you can get FREE Open University courses if you are on IS. The Open University has saved my life over the last few years of being at home with chronic pain. Investigate.

Some other thoughts...

You need alot of support and you seem like you are not getting it. Please keep posting on here, you WILL get lotss of help. We can be your friends.

Benefits and finances are complex for all of us, if you take strong pain killers and get forgetful, you need to get organised. Get a file. Get an excel spreadsheet. Get a Hotmail calender. RELY on technology. I know you can do that!

I am pretty sure that you can work up to 6 hours a week volunteering whilst on benefits. Again, post on beneifts board and they will help. I think http://www.do-it.org.uk/ is good.

I think my main point is you need to start seperating all the issues out and getting sperate help for them. I agree about CAB, in my experience they are not always that great (depends who you get), but they can be good if you go with a SPECIFIC list of questions, eg; about benefits (I challenge you to find better people on benfeits that exist on here). I also agree how hard it can be to lay out your soul.

I am really glad you posted. Hopefully we can help you get your life back on track over the next few months, so you can have a brighter 2006.

PS. The loans board is not a busy board, so my point is you will get more help in other places. Get typing. I just dont want you to feel disappointed if you dont get much help on here.

44pinkpink

i agree...i'm new to this web site but already have had loads of help and support from everyone here. It's good to know that people here really feel for you. I feel for you and want to support you if i can. To start with I'm just letting you know i'm here - haven't digested all that you've written yet.
lots love xx

CAT_5

Loretta

Yes, you're right, I am in a circle, I start to resolve one thing, then something else develops and I get diverted, forget about the first thing for a varierty of reasons and so it goes on.

It never used to be that way, I used to be 100 focused and a workaholic, suffered burnout due to highly pressurised jobs, loved them though :-) Even now I do get overly focused and everthing goes out of my head bar the current issue/project. I'm not sure what's going on, at first they thought my cancer had returned, that took several months of yes/no/indecision, now I'm back on that scenario again, my gp has said now, unofficially that I need to have a 'hard' talk with my consultant and that this cannot go on. I agree.

Thanks for your reply, it's made me realise that perhaps I need to switch off or make notes to stop me forgetting even the simplest things which was once something I did without a second thought. (multi-tasking, that is) :-) Perhaps it's part of my illness, I'm not sure.

johannamse

Gosh, you're like a whirlwind of air :-) My first impression of your post was, ' did I say that or did she/he?)

Something registered in your post that reminded me of the old me :-)

Yes, lots of issues and probably all inter-connected, even though they're not really part of my problem today, they're probably connected with life and how I deal with it :-)

I can't be sure I'm claiming all, but I think so, housing benefit and income support, I can't see what else could be claimed.

My debts are:

credit card - on hold with payment break plan
Water rates - current court action awaiting - they didn't accept my offer)
Rent - as initial problem
Police fine (as above)
Electric - waiting for a meter to be installed by powergen, 2 last appointments didn't turn up, went to wrong flat, waiting on call back but must ring as been a month now

no other CC, no HP, owe 200 authorised overdraft.

I'm not really lonely or sad really, just recognise that problems are so much easier when shared :-) I used to have a couple of friends (what I call friends) but they disagreed when I stayed with my husband, he left me when I had a major op and they felt I should walk away, they stayed when I got taken to theatre, he, was with his new friend. They since emigrated. They were right, I should have ......but I didn't, see, these if's and buts are contagious, LOL

I do have spreadsheets, what I need now is an alarm that reminds me to remember when I didn't know I'd forgotten to do something, ROFL I looked after my mother-in-law when she suffered from alzheimers and some of what I'm saying reminds me of the conversations I had with her, she was a super lady but died soon after I married, she was a great hugger, the kind of person who loved you 100% I have the utmost respect for her, the world is a sadder place without her input.

I've often wondered what depression actually is, to me it's being suicidal and I'm not that, I rarely cry, I used to laugh daily or maybe hourly, mainly at me (my humour) but I'm not really sad, just recognise the loss of people I loved (love), is that depression? Sure I'm woreried about the mess I'm in but does that equal despression? Curious?

Nah, not clever, just have a relationship with a pc, my hands seem to know what needs fixing or my brain somehow zeroes in on what's wrong, I've always had managerial positions and my last job was troubleshooting around the country for a blue chip company, but I don't see myself as clever, just lucky to have found a niche that I enjoy :-) My ex just harrassed me so much that I took so much time off (being told the house was being sold in the next 30 minutes when in a meeting and not knowign about any of it, being woken up by estate agents or coming home to them, he cutting off my phone even when moved out losing me contracts...that doesn't happen now but at the time, it was one of the hardest things to deal with. I was doing 70/80 hour weeks, living in hotels. I got screwed royally in the divorce but at the time, I just wanted peace. I could tell stories that would make your hairs curl up but another time :-)


Thank you, yes, I do need friends, I'm quite a loyal person but as I don't go out and don't work and broke, my options to converse are limited, I do go for walks, I love the country, wildlife and I'll admit to having led a fairly diverse lifestyle in my younger days ;-)

I get a bit scared about letting people down, I lose blood every day and get embarrassed easily so that puts me off going out till everythign gets sorted, I also feel quite sick 2/3 times an hour, sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes I get a feeling of a steel band round my ribs which passes but leaves me feelig really sick and with severe cramps ( I'm also going through the menapause (who needs the sun when you have a fire raging inside (hot flushes), I get a little tired when out or at a meeting and I start to perspire so much it looks like I'm in 120 degrees heat, I can't take hrt due to cancer issues and can't afford alternative options, what I really want to do is strip off and dive in the nearest fountain but I'm sure that would get me arrested and with good reason, ;-) I wish someone would tell me how long this will go on, it's been 2 years now but who knows, I may wake up tomorrow and !!!!!!, that issue has gone, also, it's hard to proclaim you're genuine when sweat drips off you when all around are wearing winter clothing with icicles dripping off their noses and you're sweating...they just don't believe it's a hormonal issue, perseration is seen as a sign of guilt - wish someone would enlighten the general population, must be a closet secret LOL

Each reply is so unique but yours did remind me of what i would say to myself in an earlier time:-)

and now I can't see the last reply, although I read it. I thank you, every post helps when you're worried.

I feel sick and my stomach feels like it's in a vice grip so I have to end this post , once again, thank you all.

johannamse

Right. First things first. Please, please post a short post in the benefits board.

Along the lines of, "I have been sick since...I have...I can't do...I already claim IS, etc etc. What else do you think I would be entitled to?"

I am sure you will definitely get Disability Living Allowance (DLA), which can be £100 per week.

Your money worries are currently the biggest issue, as it causes daily worry.

You need to get organised and you need to boost your income. Please post.

I WILL BE CHECKING. (If I am too bossy, I don't care, you need some clear direction.)

Once you have a clear idea of what your income is, we will have a look at your debts.

Just remember...we can all only do one thing at a time. Make today the day, when you try and start to sort out your finances. Please don't worry about posting stuff. Just think...would I rather have more money in my pocket and not have the daily worry of whether I can eat, or buy some medicine? You sound like you are really sensible with money and if we can get you some more that would just be great.

PS. (saying I remind you of you) Take comfort from the fact that I was at an incredible low physically and mentally about 2 years ago, and would not have been able to make the above posts. Everyone can recover from anything (well most things), we all just need some love and support. You too, will be on this board in 2 years time, helping others.