Should I have not bothered.

belfastgirl23

Have you told her how you feel about this? I think the two of you need to have a really good talk, sounds to me like crossed wires. From your POV what I'd want to know most is why she went ahead with the hair appointment. Did she really not know how long it would take? Or did she not know that there were no fallback options?

Have you been arguing at all about money lately?

getmore4less

exup wrote: »

As for me, I would stand up to any person who got my back up, but as far as the opposite sex is concerned - no way - thats how I was brought up. I hate losing my temper. but I feel its sad that the only times she really takes notice of what she may have done is if I get angry and lose my cool.
"you should shout at her more often then" is what I'm told. but thats not me. and things shouldnt have to be worted out that way.

How about the silent treatment a good way to show that you are hacked off.

Not as quick as a good rant but kids will catch on and might get on side.

DebbieMids72

I don't think you did anything wrong at all. I would love to be treated and surprised for my birthday like that. In fact, I can remember when my husband arranged a surprise 21st birthday party for me (many years ago now) and it was lovely.

I think if I was her I would have arranged the Hair appointment an hour earlier or after the pub or something.

And I would have said thanks to you, not shouted.

Big hugs anyway, and hope things sort themselves out, over time.

exup

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Have you told her how you feel about this? I think the two of you need to have a really good talk, sounds to me like crossed wires. From your POV what I'd want to know most is why she went ahead with the hair appointment. Did she really not know how long it would take? Or did she not know that there were no fallback options?

Have you been arguing at all about money lately?

she will not talk about this - infact she nearly fell out badly with a close friend who attempted to talk to her about this. If I attempt to even say anything on the subject she gets angry and leaves the room.
Money is not really a problem right now - we are both aware of rising costs of fuel and commodities, but we are not hand to mouth, she earns more than me, the house is in her name, which is something which we are looikng to change in the future with it going into both our names. although I help out with money for council tax, food bills, contribute towards fuel, I also pay for the extras such as TV, Phone, Broadband, TV licence. (she used to pay for phone but I added it to my broadband package - it is cheaper and I dont mind.)
We are both aware of the fact she is the main breadwinner in the household, but the fact that I bring money in too, means she can put aside money. and I can pay for my tuition fees which we both see an investment for a better job.
I myself am not in debt, I have no loans or credit cards/ overdraughts. but that doesnt mean I can waste money. after paying all bills out though- I have not much left - but its not a problem . (as I said hopefully the qualification will be changing that).


as for the hair - she knew how long it would take - as I was stood next to her and asked the hairdresser how long. and was told there and then it would be about an hour.

From what I heard from friends - at work and other - she whooped up the night out with people who showed up. the main problem comes down to the meal. which is really the only thing that wasnt meant as a suprise - she knew beforehand what we were doing with the meal.


I do know that alot of people say that the house in her name could be a problem, as when we met I lived in a flat (renting) and after going out for nearly a year, she asked me to move in with her. and after another year or so started planning a family and moved into 2nd house before 1st child was born. (she has endowment policy).

we are looking at buying the 3rd house together - but with the house market and jobs market like it is now its a bit risky - I am not risking my current job to start a new one unless I am sure its going to turn out OK. too much to risk

Gangstabird

Gosh if only my husband would be as nice/pushover as you are.

You sound like you are already in too deep. You are studying whilst on a lower wage. She sounds like she already knows she has you by the nuts and is thinking of £££ signs as you will be on more money.

As nice as you sound, you also sound like a bit of a pushover. Get a backbone, get up and walk away.

You will meet someone who isn't like this one day and thank me for it.

I sound like Jeremy Vile, but you sound like a bloke I saw on his TV show once, he told him the same. You are too nice, get up and walk away.

Once you get a good job from studying, you will earn loads and meet a nice girl.

My son is only 4 and I hope I can stay out of his love life as I will be rather elderly, but I hope he can tell the difference between a love & a lifer.

Gangstabird

OK, my mistake, didn't realise you have a daughter.

Still walk away, fight for custodial rights and you will still meet someone nice.

Otherwise you might explode in a fit of fury one day and strangle her.

exup

Gangstabird wrote: »

Gosh if only my husband would be as nice/pushover as you are.

You sound like you are already in too deep. You are studying whilst on a lower wage. She sounds like she already knows she has you by the nuts and is thinking of £££ signs as you will be on more money.

As nice as you sound, you also sound like a bit of a pushover. Get a backbone, get up and walk away.

You will meet someone who isn't like this one day and thank me for it.

I sound like Jeremy Vile, but you sound like a bloke I saw on his TV show once, he told him the same. You are too nice, get up and walk away.

Once you get a good job from studying, you will earn loads and meet a nice girl.

My son is only 4 and I hope I can stay out of his love life as I will be rather elderly, but I hope he can tell the difference between a love & a lifer.

that may be some of the problem - I back down more often than I should, but that is also starting to change . . but as I said before I shouldnt have to lose my temper to make her see things from my point of view.. but seems that sometimes thats the only way.

Dont misunderstand though . im also studying to do a job I am interested in. I dont want to be doing my current job for another 10 or even 5 years and if I can help it - I won't be doing it even this time next year. But things have been tough these last few months not on money - but with other outside issues, and to walk out at this time wouldnt be good timing at all - (when is?)

but by the end of the year things should have settled down, and I will be able to take a long hard look at where we are, and where we seem to be going.

cantcope

just read your thread and am gobsmacked. Not so much about her not mentioning the pub as maybe it wasnt the night she really wanted.

I am however shocked about her reaction to the meal you had booked. To storm off in the car to her parents is just childlike. How rude. You deserve an apology at the very least and if you never get one i would seriously consider whether the relationship is worth saving.

if you stay together i think just a small gift and no fuss is the way to go in future. But, i would have a talk with her and try to find out where you went wrong.

Good luck x

Marsh_Samphire

I'm sorry to criticise your GF, when you obviously really love her, but she sounds really spoilt and selfish. You went to so much trouble, I would have been thrilled if someone did all that for me. She is in the wrong for booking the hair appointment when the timing would be tight, and then to blame you for it going wrong is bonkers. I can't believe she doesn't want to marry you, because you sound like a great guy. When a woman hits 40, great guys are an endangered species! Take it from me, I know!!!

bathgatebuyer

She should consider herself lucky to have someone who wants to do something special for her. Some of us are on our own and would love to have someone to share the special times in our life with.

Sounds as if she doesn't realise how lucky she is.