Should I have not bothered.

Horace

lynzpower wrote: »

Do you have ANY idea just how offensive this comment is. Many of us have been on the recieving end of domestic violence and childhood abuse and quite frankly this comment makes me feel sick.

Violence is never the answer to misunderstandings.

It was said with tongue firmly in cheek, a pat on the backside never did anyone any harm. I had the odd smack as a kid it never did me any harm either. Sorry if you have taken offence at something that was said tongue in cheek. Do you think I should go back and delete every post I have ever made on this forum or others just in case anything I have said causes offence to people such as yourself?

Before you say anything about me not understanding domestic violence I was very often pinned to the wall by my throat by my ex - I told him that the next time he did it, he would feel a knife tickling his ribs from the inside - he wasnt given the opportunity to do it again because I left.

Pass me a hair shirt and a cat o nine tails and I shall flog myself in repentence!

lynzpower

Horace wrote: »

It was said with tongue firmly in cheek, a pat on the backside never did anyone any harm. I had the odd smack as a kid it never did me any harm either. Sorry if you have taken offence at something that was said tongue in cheek. Do you think I should go back and delete every post I have ever made on this forum or others just in case anything I have said causes offence to people such as yourself?

Before you say anything about me not understanding domestic violence I was very often pinned to the wall by my throat by my ex - I told him that the next time he did it, he would feel a knife tickling his ribs from the inside - he wasnt given the opportunity to do it again because I left.

Pass me a hair shirt and a cat o nine tails and I shall flog myself in repentence!

im sorry to hear that you had such an experience. Im sure you will then realise then how "she deserves a slap" comments could be misjudged.

this is an advice site, and I dont like to see violence being recommended as advice.

Hope you are happier now, it sounds like you had a shocking time of it

Buffythedebtslayer

I think you are a fab boyfriend and you did you a lovely thing. In fact you did loads of lovely things and she is selfish.

sorry to be so blunt but honestly I would be THRILLED if some one did that for me.

xx

Bismarck

it makes a change to have this sort of dilemma.

first thoughts were nothing but sympathy for you but the more think of if, the more I think that she was feeling anxious about it generally and you, with the nest will in the world, you put yourself in a no win situation with a possibility that even if it had all gone smoothly, it may have still gone wrong./ not been appreciated.

live and learn - your heart was in the right place so good on you.

Skippycat

To be honest she sounds completely ungrateful and selfish. For someone who has just turned 40 I think she needs to grow up a bit

exup wrote: »

She told someone else I had ruined her 40th birthday. and thats whats shes going to remember.

So not only do you not get any credit for the effort and thought you have put in but she goes round slagging you off to everyone? If I were you I'd seriously be rethinking the relationship if she is this much of a drama queen....

stebiz

exup wrote: »

This has been digging me for a couple of days now - and even though its not the end of my releationship - its put me on quite a back foot here.

Setting the way back machine for a few weeks ago and my partner was approaching her 40th birthday. I am 4 years younger but felt that even though she "didnt want a fuss" she deserved one.

Currently she is on maternity leave after we had conception problems - our second child was a blessing which seemed to take forever before things went right (another reason for why she deserved it).

So I phoned up a few of her friends from work (we work for the same service but different locations) and arranged for them to "suprise" her in a pub that I knew she was going to with her sister and a few of her close friends.

I also contacted some of her immediate family (she has a few aunts - nephews and nieces she is fond of) and arranged the same. so they would all be there for her to meet at the pub. he sister knew about this (I also work with her sister) and thought it wasa great idea..

secondly as I know she can be a finnicky eater - I booked a table at the local tech college where I am studying - The food there is great - and if you can put up with students serving you and learning at the same time (they may select the wrong fork or serve on the wrong side of you - so what? ) then its a great little restaurant - I have been there a few times with friends from my course so I decided to book a table for her parents with the two of us.- I checked with her parents before hand and they were looking forward to it. I also checked with my partner herself as I know she can be funny about eating at some places and it was OK..

I contacted the restaurant and spoke to the head chef about what he could rustle up on the day - as although she doesnt eat meat (she cant stand the taste) she cant eat substitute meats either like quorn, veggie burgers etc.
"no problem" he said he had a few good ideas for recipes, none contained "substitute meat" so he would give the students a choice of about 3 or 4 meals to prepare, and he would select one - but he would make sure it was damned good..Table booked - (have to pay in advance for bookings at the college but I knew that anyway)

So far so good.

now getting back to the present - about a week before we went shopping - and we called by the hairdressers for her to book an appt for her hair.
now the problem here was the college restaurant isnt a "real" restaurant as in the everyday one where you book a meal.
you arrive between 12 and 1230 and the place shuts by 1:30 or 1:45 pm if its pushing it.
The hair appt was going to be booked for 1120.. and would be an hour.

"WHOA" I said "we have the table booked at the college cant you make the appt for after the meal?"
"You said the restaurant would open until 1:30"
"Yes but even so .. shall we have the meal another day?"
"No thats ok - we will be able to get there"
"I think we will be pushing it honestly - if you dont get out until 1220 - we still have to get there which is at least 15 minutes"

But to no avail . and although I really didnt want anything to go wrong - I had this feeling of dread now.. that it seems to be going out of my hands. . .

Birthday "eve"
shes gone to bed so I get out the massive HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner and pin it up over the mantle - I blow up ballons in her favourite colours and bow tie them to the corners of the ceilings - I put her a few presents out and then go to bed myself.

Birthday
She loves the banner and card and presses etc..
great . .
Things go on until she goes to get her hair done.
time ticks on -
Her mum and dad phone - sorry shes' still at the hairdressers
time ticks on
1225 the college phones and asks where we are..
I apologise - and try to explain that my girlfriend should be here any second and we will set off the minute she gets here..

1240 She gets back and gets herself ready and gets in the car - the phone goes while I am locking the house - 1245 . .

The college again - this time its the manageress. She can hold the chef until 1 o clock as he usually stops cooking at 1240 at the latest.

Theres no way we can make it . and I cant pick her mum and dad up take them to the collge and then know that we will be turned away - so I have no choice but to cancel (no refund).

So I drag myself to the car and tell my girlfriend..
"Never mind - we can just go to the Toby Pub instead"
"Im sorry, but I cant afford to pay for two meals, I have already paid for this one"

So she tells me that I am a **** up, am just being awkward and tears off in the car to her mum and dads..

I am shell shocked at this, but phone her mum and dad to apologise before she blasts in the house and am told by her Dad.
"Well , I think theres a lesson in here for you lad, always check what time the chef is cooking until"
"No " I reply" The lesson is not to let your girlfriend book a hairdresser just before a meal"
"Well thats between you and her"
I bit my tounge as I could easily say that its funny that now I am slightly finding fault with his daughter - its now between me and her, but he was quick to point out a lesson I should learn..

She came back later and hardly spoke - I dropped her, and her mum, and sister at the pub and she came back after I gone to to bed later that night.
I later found out , that everyone turned up that I had asked, from her friend and that I had done a great job of getting people there, but my girlfriend never said a word of the pub night.

She told someone else I had ruined her 40th birthday. and thats whats shes going to remember.

I can't believe it went so wrong and I am gutted, and just can't face organising anything like this every again. Where did I go wrong? ?

Firstly from one guy to another I think you had the right intentions and she is well out of order. However there are lessons to be learnt. I've been with my wife nearly 20 years and I have learnt a lot.

i) She hates surprises. Her argument was 'I'm not a kid'. So she gets no surprises anymore. I must admit I miss giving her surprises but that is her wish.

ii) She is not the romantic type. I am and used to like giving her romantic surprises etc but now sadly it is just the odd flowers now and again.

iii) She gets embarrased easy. Like on holidays when I'd get up and do karoake. So I don't get up anymore.

There are things I don't like about her. But it is rare to find a loved one who is 100% compatable. We have 3 lovely kids. Rarely row. And are like good mates.

The lesson I would learn would be to tell her that as she felt so strongly with her day being 'let down', you don't think you'd ever take the chance again and will always consult her. Personally I like surprises and would have been delighted if my wife had gone out of her way, like you did for your girlfriend. But is it worth the risk next time? I guess not.

Stebiz

Yargo1

hi, i agree with the majority of people who have replied so far in that she sounds very selfish and doesnt even begin to realise how lucky she is to have someone who would put themselves out arranging something like this!

i hope you tell her how hurt you are with all this and if she doesnt apologise maybe she is not really for you?

stapeley

This week we see the experiment to recreate a black hole . Millions have been spent on this . What a waste ! All they needed to do is open up a woman's brain they could find several there !

Broken_hearted

If she isn't greatful then its her problem, you tried your best. Its my 30th next year fel free to do me a party, I'd be thrilled.

Broken_hearted

stapeley wrote: »

This week we see the experiment to recreate a black hole . Millions have been spent on this . What a waste ! All they needed to do is open up a woman's brain they could find several there !

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