Why do my kids always insist on breaking everything!!!

lauren_1

pukkamum wrote: »

I think you have made a rod for your own back as far as the housework is concerned.

You have set the bar so high by keeping the house immaculate that he now expects it to be like that all the time. Its not even immaculate, i spend so long cleaning up but they just undo it in seconds.

If you are spending the whole time cleaning then it's not really surprising the kids are running round!
My advice, back away from the hoover!!!!! No! I like it, it has attachments:cool:

Sit your dp down and tell him that with 2 lo's it is virtually impossible to have a tidy house all of the time. In his world it is.

Tell him if he wants a tidy house then he will either have to employ a cleaner or do it himself when he comes in. Have done many a time, his last wife employed a cleaner which is why he ended up so much in debt, hence our money troubles which came to light a few years ago.

If you get really stressed every time they make a mess then the kids will pick on it and do it more!!!!
How would you feel if every time you made the slightest mess there was someone running after you with a cloth?

How many rooms downstairs do you have? One.

Is it is possible to keep one room tidy and confine the toys and mess to another room (dining room or kitchen). Their room is 6x9, the lounge is 12x14 and the kitchien is 6x11.

I only have one room so i allow my kids to make a mess in their rooms as i think they have to have somewhere to call their own with all their stuff around them, i then blitz it every so often(usually when you cant cross the room).

Thats another problem, we dont have any space.

aeuerby

I think which such little space something is going to have to give.
You cannot keep chasing your children round with a cloth. It's not good for any of you.
Spend the day playing with them and enjoying them.
Let them get toys out and make a mess - under you supervision of course!
Children have to play it's how they learn.
Get the children to help tidy their toys before bath/bedtime.
Then, when they go to bed, give your partner a cloth and let him help you clean - your patner might discover he likes the hoovers attachments too!:D:D:D

Zoetoes

I think the problem here is that your OH has made you feel like it's not normal! He's making you feel that you're an inadequate mother and partner.

Kids do break things, kids do make a mess, and if the house looks the same when he comes in as when he's gone out and you've spent all day trying to keep it tidy then just leave it!

mrcow

I don't really have any advice other to say that you sound as if you could do with a break! Up at 6.30 and cleaning all day with no appreciation sounds really stressful

Make sure that you are getting out with friends - let your husband baby sit (he can do some cleaning whilst he's at it if it bothers him so much) and forget about messy houses or temper tantrums for a few hours on a regular basis. Using free tickets or 2 for 1 vouchers on this site helps with the cost.

My son is six and if he ever even thought about screaming or raising his voice to me in a shop or other public place, he'd be bundled back in the car straight away and not taken out again for a very long time. It's his job to be setting a good example to his younger siblings, not teaching them how to behave badly.

Idiophreak

lauren_1 wrote: »

I have tried naughty steps, spots, cubboards Have tried sending them to their room (the need tying to the beds to make them stay, tried smacking, tried treats, tried charts, tried every book published. They both have activities such as rainbows, dancing, sports clubs, tumble tots, and have tried taking these treats away but they are still ungratfull spoilt little brats, where am i going wrong??

I'm no expert on these things, but as someone said above, the key is consistancy...if you're changing the punishments/rewards all the time, it's not going to work...just got to pick one thing and stick with it.

As to the OH, is there any space in your room for a little "chill out" space for him? I can sympathise with him wanting to go home to a bit of a "grown up" house and having some time to relax..

Zoetoes

Idiophreak wrote: »

I'm no expert on these things, but as someone said above, the key is consistancy...if you're changing the punishments/rewards all the time, it's not going to work...just got to pick one thing and stick with it.

As to the OH, is there any space in your room for a little "chill out" space for him? I can sympathise with him wanting to go home to a bit of a "grown up" house and having some time to relax..

Chill out space for OH? They are his kids aswell. I would say mum needs the chill out space, actually, she probably wouldn't be so stressed with the kids if he wasn't getting on her case with unrealistic demands, perhaps she could do with the chill out space from him when he's moaning.

RoxieW

I sympathise as I too have a smallish house and 2 young children (and another on the way!). I too used to be uber houseproud but something has to give eventually - there's more to life then cleaning. I used to spend all day cleaning then freak out if the kids dropped crumbs or other half came in and put his keys down on the side, but now I spend time with the kids and also allow myself some 'me' time where I can sit down, surf the net, read the paper or whatever.
I generally do washing/drying/ironing/washing up during the day, then have a quick tidy round before OH gets home - then he has the kids while I make tea, wash up, finish tidying. In fact -now that my kids are 4 and 5, they tidy their own toys. They objected at first but make them do it every day and they soon get the gist. If not its out with the charity shop bags .
Your Oh definately has unrealistic expectations - you should definately go off one weekend and leave him to it - expecting an immaculate house when you return of course! My OH used to moan if the house wasnt hoovered (I did it every day) but now i have a back problem and it's his job it gets done once every 3 days and he doesnt have a problem with it!

aeuerby

Idiophreak wrote: »

...I can sympathise with him wanting to go home to a bit of a "grown up" house and having some time to relax..

Unfortunately it is unrealistic to have children and still expect to come home to a "grown up house"
At which point in the day does the OP get to relax?

Idiophreak

zoeleigh wrote: »

Chill out space for OH? They are his kids aswell. I would say mum needs the chill out space, actually, she probably wouldn't be so stressed with the kids if he wasn't getting on her case with unrealistic demands, perhaps she could do with the chill out space from him when he's moaning.

Everybody needs time to chill out. OP and her OH.

Whilst I appreciate there are many martyred stay at home mums on this board, perhaps it's worth bearing in mind that OP's OH *probably* doesn't go to work all day for the hell of it...For him to come in from a day at work and expect to have a little down time, I don't think that's unreasonable. Clearly, he has to ensure his partner gets the same luxury, but everyone needs to hold onto a little normality and the feeling that their lives haven't completely stopped because they've had kids...

aeuerby wrote:

Unfortunately it is unrealistic to have children and still expect to come home to a "grown up house"

Which is precisely why I suggested trying to maintain *a corner* of the house, somewhere, that could be kept neat and tidy, just so that there's a chance for mum and dad to escape from the kids' (trashed) area for a few minutes a day...

Zoetoes

I work full time and have kids, I don't expect to go home and have my own chill out space.

The OH needs to realise that OP has been working all day too.

As I said, I think the problem is that he is putting too many demands on OP and it's making her feel like her situation isn't normal, like her kids aren't normal and like she's not normal!