Why do my kids always insist on breaking everything!!!

lauren_1

It just seems like everything they touch they break, yesterday and today being quite bad.

We dont have a lot of things to begin with and with dp being so stressed this is not helping, i spent the past few days following them around, picking up their mess, fixing things back together, cleaning and wiping up sticky hand prints and pen marks....this is what i do all day long, and when dp gets home the house is in the same state as he left it this morning and doesn't really believe me that i am busy all day long.:mad:

We are having a tough week with no money, dd (6) is quite a stroppy madam, if we go out and she see's something then she wants it there and then and will litterally scream and scream until she is sick, needless to say i try to avoid going out with her but she also instigated the mess mission. She gets the pens down for the little one, gets the glitter out, gives him the marker pen, opens the stairgate, opens the fridge, opens the garden gate, gives him the toothpaste, takes all the books off of the shelf, drops things at her !!!!, opens the telly cabinet and pulls out dvd cases, yet has a hysterical fit when asked to do simple things like CLEAN UP, PUT TOYS BACK IN BOX or .....getting the picture so far......

Dp gets in such a headfit when the right dvd is not back in their box, or the telly has finger prints on it, or there is pen/glue/glitter on the carpet/door/wall/something else, or the carpet in unhoovered (i do it 3 times a day).

They share a room and wake up before i do (i wake at 6.30) and they always pull out all the clothes from the drawers, pull all the books off of the shelves, rip up another leappad book, pull another bit of wallpaper off........ so that takes me a good 45 mins to put that right and when im doing that they are off creating another job for me elsewhere..

Sometimes i just feel like squishing their little head untill goo comes out, they make me so mad i actually chipped a tooth in half by clenching my teeth so hard (its either that or bash their heads together) I have tried naughty steps, spots, cubboards Have tried sending them to their room (the need tying to the beds to make them stay, tried smacking, tried treats, tried charts, tried every book published. They both have activities such as rainbows, dancing, sports clubs, tumble tots, and have tried taking these treats away but they are still ungratfull spoilt little brats, where am i going wrong??

If i punish dd, dont give her what she wants, limit her eating to mealtimes, she packs her bags and insist i take her to grandma's as no one loves her here or tells the neighbour that i leave her in her room all day long/dont feed her or am horrible to her:mad:

Please tell me i'm not the only one with horrid kids (ok they are not horrid all the time but been getting worse as we have some financial trouble)

morganb

This is no criticism at all, just a general comment ...

I think kids today have too much. I think it's difficult for them to appreciate and value what they have; if it gets broken, who cares, they've got loads of other stuff to play with instead.

Is there a way that, anything that can make a mess, e.g. glitter, paint, can be put WELL OUT of reach. My rule is that messy stuff only goes on in the kitchen (DSs friends think I'm barmy for not letting them eat/drink/paint in the living room (???)

How about a 'daily routine' which they need to follow and tick off on a chart, e.g. wake up (could draw a picture of them getting out of bed), clean teeth, breakfast, painting/creative activity, tidy up .. each stage represented by a picture which they can tick off when they've done it (Can you tell I'm a teacher)

And limit the amount of activities they do outside the home; they need to listen to and respect you and respect their home environment above all else.
Having said that, though, I think DP is being unrealistic (has he had a day with them himself?) He needs to be supportive of you and consistent with you.

HTH, just a few thoughts ... best go, my two are practising leaping off beds at the moment ...

lauren_1

But its not toys they break, its houshold things like cups, doors, drawers, tellies, video players (by ramming a banana in the hole).
I dont like plasticy all singing all dancing toys, i favour simple wooden or traditional childrens toys or outdoor things (its partially a space issue)

lindens

Just a suggestion but how much time do you spend with them on a one to one basis.
They have lots of "stuff" by the sound of things, and loads of activities outside the house which is good. Maybe (esp your DD by the sound of it) she just wants some quiet time with just you or just her dad? Just the two of you drawing or reading?

Also have to agree with above poster, your DP has unreasonable expectations of what a house looks like with children in it. Hoovering 3 times a day? following your children round with a cloth? No chance!
I used to do that once a day only, when they had gone to bed when my hard work wasn't immeadiately undone:rotfl:

morganb

I know you have said money is tight at the moment; are the kids perhaps picking up on your worries? Is it worth just getting them out down the park for a couple of hours for a good old run round so that all of you can let off steam? Doesn't have to cost a penny.
Or get some old fishing nets out if you've got them and go stand in a shallow stream, 'catching' fish (and then putting them straight back) ... you could put them in a shallow bucket.

Just get them out of the house, have a good time with them away from anything they can break and that will automatically put you back in control; praise them to the hilt for being good and they will be more responsive to a quieter afternoon in the house (in theory)

I still have locks on my cupboards (DS 4 and 6) that I don't want them to go into.

aeuerby

Lauren - hugs go to you. Bringing up kids is not easy is it.
Young children are messy creatures and once you/your partner can accept that things should become easier.
However there is a difference between messy young children and destroying the house. I would keep anything messy well out of reach, maybe even locked away if possible.
Hoovering a carpet 3 times a day is a bit extreme and I feel your partner is being unrealistic in his expectations both of you and young children.

Does your partner help out around the house? Help look after the children etc?
If not could if I were you I'd be tempted to leave them with him and go out for a day. Sometimes it can be a real eye opener for the men!

The thing with "discipline" and children is consistency.
You can't use the naughty step for a day and then give up because the child won't stay there or it was too much of a battle.
Whatever way you choose to punish you have to stick to it.
If the child won't stay on the step, for example, keep putting them back until they learn that you are in charge not the child. This can sometimes take hours and has to be done every single time you feel necessary but they do get it in the end.
For something like that though you will need the support of your partner, you both need to "sing from the same sheet" as it were!

The 6 year old is old enough to understand about reward and consequence so I suggest making a chart and if they behave get a reward at the end of the day/week.
Same way if they are naughty they "time out" and have something taken away, be it a sticker of a favourite toy.

Maybe only allow food and drink at the dining table or in the kitchen (for drinks!) insist they sit down to eat and drink - even if it's just a snack and clear away as soon as they have finished.
Can you put a stair gate across the kitchen door so your child is kept out of there?

Maybe part of the destruction is because they are bored?
Instead of running round after them with a cloth try playing with them?
Get them to help you clean - make it a game/race kind of thing?
The main clearing up/tidying/cleaning can wait until later - maybe even when they are in bed and your partner can help you?

Just some of my thoughts, if I think of anything else I'll be back!!

morganb

I also meant to ask, can Grandma help you out until things settle down, even if it's just looking after the kids for an hour or helping you with washing / cooking dinner, if she's local she'd probably love to be asked (something I know I dont' do enough of myself)

duchy

She "demands" to be taken to Grandmas ?
I think this is the most telling line of all !! You are the boss not her-and it's time to take charge !
Invest in a lockable box -paint and glitter comes out when YOU say so-and when you can closely supervise not when SHE decides.
Instigate "tidy up time" it's a concept she'll be accustomed to at school anyway
Say it and mean it. If she throws a tantrum -let her-leave her to get on with it. She's worked out it's a weapon- it gets her your attention AND what she wants. Reward the good behavior and withdraw attention when she's playing you up. At the moment you're rewarding BAD behaviour.
Don't follow them around with a cloth-engage WITH them-lead the activities yourself -less chance for mischief and you can stop damaging behaviour before it happens.
It'll take a couple of weeks for her to realise you mean business-but grit your teeth -it'll be SO worth it

onlyroz

If she throws a strop do you give in? Punishments need to be consistent and followed through.

It seems like you need to start preventing access to certain things until behaviour improves. E.g. try having a "no television" day (or week for that matter). When they complain tell them that they need to learn to ask nicely for something that they want. If they push bananas into the DVD player or pull the cases off the shelves then they've forfeited their TV rights for that day. If they break something then you take away a favourite toy for the rest of the day.

Anything messy (paint, pens etc) should be well out of reach and only brought out when you've got the time or energy to supervise them. Non-messy creative toys include things like the AquaDraw, which is a mat that you draw on with a water pen.

If they demand snacks then they must only be given if they ate their last meal (or put in a good attempt) - and sugary snacks should only be for an extra-special treat after a period of really good behaviour.

Sure, they'll scream and complain, but if they learn that you mean what you say then hopefully they'll figure out that they're much more likely to get treats if they're better behaved.

lauren_1

Just a suggestion but how much time do you spend with them on a one to one basis.
They have lots of "stuff" by the sound of things, and loads of activities outside the house which is good. Maybe (esp your DD by the sound of it) she just wants some quiet time with just you or just her dad? Just the two of you drawing or reading?

Hardly any time one-to-one, when ds is having a nap i do things with dd such as play with the rabbits, sort her lunch out, help her with her words and reading but we cant go anywhere together as most of the week its just us 3.

Also have to agree with above poster, your DP has unreasonable expectations of what a house looks like with children in it. Hoovering 3 times a day? following your children round with a cloth? No chance!
I used to do that once a day only, when they had gone to bed when my hard work wasn't immeadiately undone:rotfl:

I keep telling him this, we got together when dd was 3 so he missed the messy/tantrum toddler stage ds is at now he insists as him mum brought up 3 boys in a 2 bed bungalow we should be able to at least keep a 2 bed house tidy, its not hard (that his usual line) yet his brother lives in a dive, my mum is not the most house proud and every other person i know with kids have at least some mess. Mess to me is toys out of the box, washing up not done, dust everywhere and the washing basket overflowing.....mess to him is a smear of toothpaste on the sink, washing up from making dinner left on the side (he moans even before i start eating!), a bit of fluff on the carpet, a peice of sweetcorn from the kids dinner and washing on the airer.

I get the urge to squish his head too....

webitha

when mine started making a mess, instead of following them round with a cloth, i gave them the cloth and made them clean up their own mess, and stood over them til it was done right.
and when the storps and tantrums came, i just kept repaeting the same sentence, " i dont care, get it cleaned" boy was it hard work but i stuck to it and after 3/4 days the strops became less, and now they know that they will have to do the cleaning, they dont make such a mess