Why do my kids always insist on breaking everything!!!

lauren_1

If they demand snacks then they must only be given if they ate their last meal (or put in a good attempt) - and sugary snacks should only be for an extra-special treat after a period of really good behaviour.

The only snacks they get is either a yoghurt, raisins, sesame sticks, pitta and dips, veg fingers + dips, fruit, HM ice lolly, seed mix and HM cookies. They can easily sit and eat a whole bag of raisins or sesame sticks in one go, this is my problem when it comes to food. They are both sensetive to colourings and sugars but these snacks cost a fortune the amount they eat and neither are tubby in the slightest (well ds is just solid all over) yet they are still hyperactive

aeuerby

lauren_1 wrote: »

I keep telling him this, we got together when dd was 3 so he missed the messy/tantrum toddler stage ds is at now he insists as him mum brought up 3 boys in a 2 bed bungalow we should be able to at least keep a 2 bed house tidy, its not hard (that his usual line)

I think your parther could be part of the problem here.
You seem to be spending so much time cleaning so he comes home to a spik and span house at the expense of your children.
How would you feel if you really want a cuddle, for example, but the person that you wanted was too busy cleaning and cleaning day in day out?
I would find it both frustrating and upsetting.

A sparking house with 2 small children is just not going to happen.

Does your partner realise how much pressure he is putting you under?
Having read what you've said about him I would definately leave him with the kids for a day or 2 and let him see how practical a clean house and children are.

lauren_1

Totally agree, i feel like im over a barrel with my parenting.
We have quite nosey neighbours (one being a teacher, no children of her own and always has to include phychology in to why children are naughty)

I cant shout at them of tell them off too much as the neighbour seems to be listening all the time then comes around to see if everything is ok, she quite often relays her concerns to dp too which p1sses me off. He thinks im either bing too hard on them or not punishing them in the right way.

aeuerby

Lauren,

You are the one at home with them so you parent however you want.
Don't let busy bodies or anyone else tell you any different.
I always say to my hubby and kids trust your instincts they are usually right.
I think you really need to sit down - or go out without the kids even if just for a walk - with your partner and tell him everything you've put on here - or even show him the thread.
He needs to know how you feel and what goes on while he's not there.
I would be well annoyed if my hubby was told what goes on by a neighbour then he comes in and tells me I do everything wrong.
He should be supporting you not listening to gossip.

Children are b****rs for picking up when a parent is stressed/fedup/upset and usually play up all the more then.
My kids used to do it all the time!
Maybe it's a case of they aren't so much "naughty" as such but picking up on your emotions - not saying what they do is in anyway right though!
A step in the right direction is talking to your partner and pointing out his expectations are unrealistic and it's starting to affect your children and your relationship with them.

Oldernotwiser

lauren_1 wrote: »

If they demand snacks then they must only be given if they ate their last meal (or put in a good attempt) - and sugary snacks should only be for an extra-special treat after a period of really good behaviour.

The only snacks they get is either a yoghurt, raisins, sesame sticks, pitta and dips, veg fingers + dips, fruit, HM ice lolly, seed mix and HM cookies. They can easily sit and eat a whole bag of raisins or sesame sticks in one go, this is my problem when it comes to food. They are both sensetive to colourings and sugars but these snacks cost a fortune the amount they eat and neither are tubby in the slightest (well ds is just solid all over) yet they are still hyperactive

A whole bag of raisins has as much sugar in as sweets and will make them almost as hyper.

lauren_1

But at least its natural sugar and not processed or chemical sweetners like in sweets.

Not all forms of sugar are bad.

pukkamum

I think you have made a rod for your own back as far as the housework is concerned.
You have set the bar so high by keeping the house immaculate that he now expects it to be like that all the time.
If you are spending the whole time cleaning then it's not really surprising the kids are running round!
My advice, back away from the hoover!!!!!
Sit your dp down and tell him that with 2 lo's it is virtually impossible to have a tidy house all of the time.
Tell him if he wants a tidy house then he will either have to employ a cleaner or do it himself when he comes in.
If you get really stressed every time they make a mess then the kids will pick on it and do it more!!!!
How would you feel if every time you made the slightest mess there was someone running after you with a cloth?
How many rooms downstairs do you have?
Is it is possible to keep one room tidy and confine the toys and mess to another room (dining room or kitchen).
I only have one room so i allow my kids to make a mess in their rooms as i think they have to have somewhere to call their own with all their stuff around them, i then blitz it every so often(usually when you cant cross the room).

beautyqueen88

i know its hard to do but try changeing your attitude altogether ignore all the bad/irrelevent things they do altogether and give them praise for positive things they do, they'l soon realise they dont get any attention from you when their naughty.
and maybe rephrase the things you say instead of 'tidy up your toys'
try 'i'd be really pleased if you could put your things away for me'
bear with it and it might have more of a positive affect than you'd imagine.

then again i only have 1 child atm and the prospect of having 2 quite frankly scares me
i too hoover many times a day as i like things to be clean and tidy and cant settle if their's bits on the floor... to the point i may be bordering on OCD but im not afraid to give the boyfriend a kick up the backside and get him to do it either :rotfl:

Becles

lauren_1 wrote: »

Totally agree, i feel like im over a barrel with my parenting.
We have quite nosey neighbours (one being a teacher, no children of her own and always has to include phychology in to why children are naughty)

I cant shout at them of tell them off too much as the neighbour seems to be listening all the time then comes around to see if everything is ok, she quite often relays her concerns to dp too which p1sses me off. He thinks im either bing too hard on them or not punishing them in the right way.

Oooh that would make me mad! Tell her to get lost (or stronger!) when she comes round. It's none of her business how you bring your own children up, and it's completely out of order reporting you to your husband.

My ex-inlaws have OCD I think. Dust and dirt are not allowed to settle in their home and they manically clean from dawn till dusk. I couldn't stand staying there with my children as I just not relax.

Mine were toddlers then, and they'd give them a flapjack or something and then crawl round the floor after them picking up crumbs when they dropped. The children would have to keep away from the windows and bronze metal bits round the fireplace, otherwise they'd be out with cloths wiping finger prints off. They would have to be kept away from the sofa/armchairs and side tables as they all had frilly covers on, which were not allowed to be out of position. When ever any of us used the bathroom, they'd be hovering outside on the landing with a cloth waiting to be in and clean the bathroom.

Can you imagine living like that? You wouldn't like it would you?

I know it's extreme, but the feelings you get thinking about living like that are probably what your children are feeling right now. But children being children, they don't know how to express it, so they react the only way they know how which is being naughty.

I would speak to your other half and explain why it is impossible to have a perfect home with children. Perhaps you could make compromises somehow - eg: no snacks and drinks in the sitting room, and a screen to hide their toys behind on an evening, so at least one room is tidy?

I also agree with the suggestion of locking paint and glitter away. You said your youngest has a nap, so maybe every Tuesday and Thursday afternoons could be messy afternoons where the eldest is allowed the glitter out?

Strapped

Hoovering 3 times a DAY?!

I'm lucky to hoover 3 times a month You must be exhausted. Do yourself a favour, and relax. If hubby wants a clean house, show him where you keep the hoover/cloths/chemicals. A house is for living in, not a show house.