How to meet a guy?

agme28

Hello

I am on my own with two young boys and would like to like to be in a long term relationship again before too long. I have loads to offer but struggle to find men I want to date. I mainly rely on online dating but this has yielded very little as I never see anyone who truly appeals and I think I maybe overlook suitable people because I am unable to sense if there's chemistry there though dating sites.

I don't work and don't get much time to myself other than a few hours each week when my ex takes the kids.

Does anyone know any top tips for manhunting?! Anyone know of any supermarket singles nights in the North West?!

Thanks
Abi

owsaboutthatthen

You sound like me! Ditto the above!!!

onlyroz

Well I'd stick with the dating sites - my brother met his wife online and I think it's now becoming the norm rather than something to feel funny about.

It wouldn't hurt to take up some more leisure activities - maybe go to a night-class or something. If you don't meet the man of your dreams then you might at least learn a new skill...

MrsE_2

If you do something that you enjoy doing (thats done by men & women in groups) then you stand a good chance of meeting someone with similar interests.

foreversomeday

I have always thought it was a bad idea to go looking, as singles nights, lonely hearts columns etc are often about 70 or 80% full of desparate people - which sometimes means they have old issues from relationships they need to deal with first.

However I do think that going out "looking" can be done more easily if you go somewhere which isn't specifically designed for single people. Although it can be hard to tell if someone is single or not - and therefore whether they are worth going after - it's a nice way to build up a friendship first and people are less likely to pretend to be someone else in order to attract a mate.

As for online sites, I wouldn't bother with dating sites or things like facebook purely to meet people, I prefer sites like forums, message boards or other sites where you interact with people you don't necessarily know in real life. A forum as big as MSE can be a difficult place to meet particular people, but you might find someone's posts you find particularly interesting, strike up a conversation, and end up exchanging PMs and eventually emails. I've met a lot of good friends on the website livejournal, too, and you don't have to write a personal diary, you can just post in communities etc.

If you could work a few hours a week that is also a good way of meeting people, but I understand it's hard with children, especially if they are not at school or nursery.

I have an idea though - are there any events aimed at dads locally? You could volunteer to help out with something like that to meet men who aren't child-phobic!

scottishchick27

My mate has got back problems and so is registered disabled. Because of this problem she very rarely went out for a night out to meet a guy. She saw an advert in the paper for the fire brigade to check your smoke detector and electric blankets and gave it a phone. The fireman who came to check them took a liking to her and a year later they are living together and very happy. Sometimes you meet someone when you least expect it.

i have an OH but am thinking of phoning the fire brigade for a check of the detectors just so I can have an ogle.

Horseygal_2

foreversomeday wrote: »

As for online sites, I wouldn't bother with dating sites or things like facebook purely to meet people

Why ever not? I can only speak from personal experience and I found my wonderful OH via Match.com. We live 35 miles apart and would never have met any other way. My advice would be check their profiles very carefully, read between the lines and be choosy who you contact or respond to. The child/committment phobic ones stick out a mile - late 30's/40's never been married and expect only to meet women without kids. They are also the ones that if you go back to Match.com 6 months later their profiles are still showing & active - and they wonder why nobody wants them??

Joking apart they are a minority and there are some decent guys on there - honest!

xx

dj_jenns

Just speaking from a guy's perspective, don't do anything special and don't go "looking" for someone.
It's such a cliche but that special someone should turn up when you least expect it, and like others have said here it's usually someone you have a great deal in common with.

The problem is us nice guys are usually hiding below the pile of commitment phobic/players that are out there hehe.

Paparika

Whatever you do, do not put yourself on a plate.

and don't rush into anything unless both of you are on the same level, priority is your kids.

I met the OH online took several months before i had the courage to meet him.

The are loads of men out there that love the single mum because they are 'gagging for it' steer away from them.

Which ever way you find someone, make sure you let your mates know when where etc...when you go for your date.

Don't worry you'll find someone, when...who knows, but enjoy finding him.

agme28

Thanks guys

Guess the hardest part is accepting that it could take years to meet someone. Scary. Especially as my ex has been so lucky and has met up with an old flame within a month of him moving out, and despite a 260 mile difference and her also having kids, he seems very keen. So keen in fact, that he is constantly trying to rearrange the weekends with the kids to go and see her which gets my back up. But hey ho, I guess life can be that unfair...

Alikay

I think it's also worth letting your friends know you'd like to meet a nice chap. Obviously don't allow them to go "fixing you up" with random people, but being included on group nights out even with lots of couples will get you out there meeting people. Friends have other friends.....and any man you meet that way will come pre-vetted!