What would you do ? Gambling/Alcohol problem

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He's an addict. All he cares about is when he's going to get the next hit of Ethanol to stop the DTs or how much he has to gamble on the bay gelding not falling at the final fence to give him the quiver of excitement.

He'll use the fact you are a smoker as proof of why he has to drink. Most addicts can spot another one a mile off. He can probably smell it on you, no matter how clean you like to keep yourself. If you make a bargain with him to stop gambling/smoking, he'll go along with it and then drive to another bookies 10miles away or start telephone betting whilst you tie yourself in knots because you weren't actually ready to give up your own addiction.

Find out whether there are any huge debts/second mortgages taken out on your mum's house. You might even find that it's there as security for the mistresses' mortgage. An addict isn't going to be too bothered about forging a signature or that the person he makes out is responsible for his need to drink/gamble is going to find herself out on the street. He'll probably scuttle off to his mistress if it all goes wrong while your mum is left to deal with bailiffs demanding the keys to her property.

Don't say it could never happen - he's an addict and his one true love appears to be the buzz he gets from danger. And he will say it's not his fault, his family made him that way, that your mum made him do it, that you made him do it, that everyone's picking on poor him, that at least his mistress is a 'real woman/caring woman/not ill/ugly/stupid/a nagging harpy'.

He will leave your mum on the street if it suits him to do so. At present it suits him to not do so - she cooks his dinner, washes his clothes and doesn't say a word when he comes back stinking of alcohol and the other woman's perfume. She makes it possible for him to behave appallingly. He'd have left her for his mistress if he thought his addictions could be better served there. And then he'd abandon his mistress for the postman's cat if that was a better option.

I'm sorry you have this addict as your father. I'm truly, truly sorry. But please don't play his games as it will chew you up and spit you out, which will destroy your child's life in the long term.

belfastgirl23

Just to say, be prepared for your father not to change despite any ultimatum about your son. I'm just worried you'll build your hopes up that this will change him whereas from the outside POV that's unlikely...though not impossible...