What would you do ? Gambling/Alcohol problem

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA

3onitsway wrote: »

As someone has mentioned, would it be possible for you/oh to use some annual leave for Tuesdays for a few weeks to start with?

Once he's at school and you've had a chance to meet other parents, you might find alternative childcare for a Tuesday.

It wasn't til my DD started school that I realised that there were about 10 childminders taking/collecting children from her school.

i think I'll try that if I can't get him into the after school club, we don;t have an awful lot of hols left as we got married this year and took a month off but I could manage a few tuesdays to meet some other mum's Thanks for that idea, hard to see the wood for the trees

3onitsway

DD's school has an attached preschool which also runs as a before school and after school club - but the waiting list is sooooo long.

As DD didn't go to that preschool (she was at creche at my work), i wasn't in the 'click', so didn't know before she started school.

I only needed a couple of days a week, and found a lovely mum/childminder who take an organised train of little ones to and from school each day.

ailuro2

OP- remember your employer is required by law to give you flexibility in hours for family care when your child is under a cretian age- I think it's six years old.

Talk to your HR department and see what they say, if you're a long serving employee it might be worth their while to look after you to hold on to you.

Gingham_Ribbon

I think they're required by law to consider requests for flexibility. Some companies take it seriously enough though.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oh, for Heaven's sake! Tough love time. All we are hearing is you going 'but - but - but'. Time for the truth. You are aware that your father is an alcoholic. You are aware that he drinks and drives. You are aware that this is illegal and dangerous. But you, like many people growing up with a distorted view of the world as a result of the lying conniving addict ensuring that their behaviour is excused and talked down ('oh, he always complains about other drivers', 'if I were to do anything, it would really upset my mum'), are making it easier for him.

How upset is your mother going to be if your father takes your child out for a drive to the offlicence and you spend the following night having to IDENTIFY THEIR BODIES?

How much use is that extra few quid in your pocket going to be then?

Do something now. Stop expecting someone else to do it for you.

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA

I agree with your comments and as I have said in my later posts the childcare situation has now been decided as I now have had a chance to think straight, my options as I see them are after school club, my husband leaving work a few hours early to pick up our son or finding another mum who could mind him for a few hours, £40/£50 a week would be tight but I don't mind paying for piece of mind. In some of my earlier posts I was emotional, confused and still in stock with alot of the revelations from the previous night. Now this situation is being taken care of I would like to here of others experiences of gambling & drinking to see if there is any way I can help my father before he leads himself into an early grave ( he's only 50 ), although I hate him at this minute in time his behaviour is not helping with my mum's illness, her constant worry and lack of sleep is my next concern obviously along with my dad.
Thanks for all your comments so far.

1_step_closer

Hiya

I really feel for you right now and do hope you get things sorted regarding your son. BUT be prepared for the next step in this situation - the emotional and financial repurcussions will come to a head regarding your dad and his other life. I don't want to be doom and gloom at all but you do need to start mentally preparing yourself. I am not saying sit and worry about that, just file it away in your head so that when things get more out in the open it isn't as much of a shock.

I am rambling here! But I hope you know what I am trying to say.

Take care

1 step xx

Savvy_Sue

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA wrote: »

Now this situation is being taken care of I would like to here of others experiences of gambling & drinking to see if there is any way I can help my father before he leads himself into an early grave ( he's only 50 ), although I hate him at this minute in time his behaviour is not helping with my mum's illness, her constant worry and lack of sleep is my next concern obviously along with my dad.
Thanks for all your comments so far.

sorry, tough love again, but no, there is NO way you can help your father UNTIL he is ready to admit he needs help.

You can help your mum. You can help yourself. I've already given the links you need. But sadly NO-ONE can help your dad until he knows he needs that help.

You MAY find that time comes closer if you and your mum start on the tough love route and stop conniving / pretending there isn't really a problem.

Have a hug. You're going to need a few ...

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA

've check out the links and he ticks quite a few of the boxes on both sites, i think I'll have a talk qwith him this week, expalin how worried we all are. How we do actually know what is going on ( he thinks we have no clue as it is always goes unmentioned ) I think if I tell him i don't trust him with his beloved grandson it mght come as a shock. I am also going to give him a taste of his own medicine, I've been smoking for 10 years and he doesn't know, he would go mad as both his parents died of heavy smoking related illnesses, he's not the only one who can keep a secret, and I will be prepared to give up smoking if he comes into the local bookies with me a self excludes ( I am keen to give up smoking anyway for my own health ever mind the cost ) might not be the way to go but it's the only way I can see to perhaps open his eyes. Thankfully my mum's house is mortgaged in her own name so no matter how bad his finances it shouldn't effect me, my mum or my sister, but I'm just afraid for him. The self destruct image painted on both of th links you game me sounded spot on perhaps he is hoping for things to blow up then the double life wouldn't seem like such a big deal ?! Only god knows what he's thinking, i'm not even sure he knows/cares

Savvy_Sue

I did think of another person you m ight be able to help, and that's the lass he sacked. Was that fair? Maybe she could get advice from ACAS, maybe if someone took him to tribunal, and you were on HER side not his, that might help get through.

Sadly I'm not convinced self-exclusion from the bookies would be enough. There are other bookies, there's online gambling. It's too easy these days.