Who pays the bills?

Paradise_Found

sloughflint wrote: »

Bad idea. Enough to put anyone off writing a Will.

Exactly! :T

So to put an end to all family disputes once and for all,
why not just ban wills altogether, so estates are always
divided as per the intestacy rules?

OK, so that would still cause ill feeling in some cases,
bu the person who had died could not be blamed for
"unfairly" distributing his/her wealth, as they would have
had no choice in the matter!

After all, none of us gets any (direct) say as to exactly
how our income tax is spent, so why should we be able
to redirect our inheritance in order to punish/reward
certain relations in favour of others...?


Ok, so the above suggestion is ridiculous, but surely no more so
than the present arrangement, which allows vengeful people
to "play God" with their families inheritance...:rolleyes:


MARK

Paradise_Found

sloughflint wrote: »

Mark, it appears to be taking over your mind.
I do hope you are not talking like this with your parents and fuelling the fire.

Absolutely not!!

But this whole shameful experience has put me off families/wills/looking after loved ones for life!!! :rolleyes:

Your anger seems to have turned from the neglectful relative to the deceased.

Damn right!

Respect for the dead is a noble concept, but only if they respect
people themselves while they are alive - in other words, respect
(for the dead or living) has to be earned - it's not an automatic right.


In fact, I would expect to be thought of just as badly after my death
myself if I took my own family for granted and treated them like slaves
in my old age.

Wouldn't you?!


MARK

paddy's_mum

If I am right in my understanding that in France you may not disinherit any member of your family, I would be fighting tooth and claw not to have such a law introduced into the UK.

As others in this thread have already said, how I choose to leave what I own is entirely my own business. I have a close relative who has caused nothing but misery, shame and unhappiness all his long life. He has caused damage to hearts, minds and souls that can never be undone. Under the system that you are advocating, he should be rewarded for his ceaseless cruelty simply because he was born of a certain man or woman and not because he either earned it or deserved it?

I don't think so! If you really are now so firmly of the opinion that the current laws on wills/inheritance are deeply flawed, your first course of action might be to petition your MP and try to get a change in the law.

In the absence of such a change, please won't you try to let go of your bad feelings and go through this current situation as clear headedly as you can? I really do fear that your animosity will muddy an already upsetting situation. As I said before, I wish you luck and hopefully a quick end to the whole sad story.

Errata

Leaving property to umpteen relatives would only beggar things up even more. It only takes one to decline to sell their share in the family farm/business/house to make it unsellable and worthless.

I am no saint, I believe in everyone's right to self determination and that includes decisions about what happens to their wordly goods when they kick the bucket.

There's a very good reason for wills being private documents. Imagine the rows in families such as the OP's if the contents of the will were known for a great many years before the willwritere dies. It leaves them open to all kinds of pressure, emotional blackmail and neglect from family members who feel cheated.

pepsicola_2

Paradise_Found wrote: »

Absolutely not!!

But this whole shameful experience has put me off families/wills/looking after loved ones for life!!! :rolleyes:



Damn right!

Respect for the dead is a noble concept, but only if they respect
people themselves while they are alive - in other words, respect
(for the dead or living) has to be earned - it's not an automatic right.


In fact, I would expect to be thought of just as badly after my death
myself if I took my own family for granted and treated them like slaves
in my old age.

Wouldn't you?!


MARK

poor grandad, thats all i can say

i guess you wouldn't have thought anyone had been "treated as a slave" had the will been the other way round :rolleyes: what happened to the thought that you did things just because you loved them and wanted to care for them and not to get first dibbs on the money

calleyw

Paradise_Found wrote: »

Absolutely not!!

But this whole shameful experience has put me off families/wills/looking after loved ones for life!!! :rolleyes:

I thought people look after their loved ones because wanted to not because of what you can inherit from them.

You parents made it their own choice to visit they did not have to. So you think they should be compensated for there time and fuel for visiting :rolleyes:

My husband was in hospital for 3 and half months. I did not go twice during that time as he had other visitors. I went because I loved him, goodness what it cost in fuel. I did not do it because of what he has left me in his will. If you interested it is all of it by the way. But I knew that because we made mirror wills at the same time.

Children of any age should not expect to inherit anything to fund their own retirement. That is up to them to sort it out.


Yours


Calley

ceridwen

The phrase "vengeful people playing God" comes over a bit strong. I dont feel its right to regard your grandfather in this light. If he had been really intent on being "vengeful" then he would have left your father nothing.

What I am wondering is whether you are expecting to inherit everything your parents have....and were expecting half of what your grandfather owns as well....at some future point. Its not coming over very well at present. Can you honestly say that you would be just as concerned for your father if you knew he intended to spend everything hes got (including anything from your grandfather) before he dies?

Wills are taken by many people (and - yes - I would too) as meaning "This is how much they thought of me....". So the question here is: would this unfair division be of such concern if he was only leaving, say, £100 (ie peanuts). Would you still be just as concerned that it should be 50/50?

I dont mean to sound harsh...but it is coming over at present like its yourself, rather than your father, that you are concerned with.

The suggestion that the State should have any part at all in how an "estate" is divided was a very divisive one - even if only said in jest. If the State had any say at all in what happens to my assets when I'm gone - then I'd spend/give away the lot BEFORE I die...to make sure that the correct person (ie myself) had decided what to do with them. I'm only an ordinary person in the street - with a very standard amount of assets - so I'VE EARNT THEM.....I WILL DECIDE. There is a time and a place for the State to intervene (ie in the case of the wealthy) - but obviously its not for the ordinary person in the street - such as myself.

monkey_spank

Mark,

I have read this thread with interest and I'm afraid what little sympathy I had with you at the outset has all but evaporated.

Your uncle was at liberty to decide where his estate went, and like other posters have said may have had perfectly good reasons to divide his estate the way he did.

One of them might be the fact that he didn't want his estate ultimately to wind up in the hands of an unreasonable, selfish and money grabbing wastrel like you.

You really need to get your priorities right - and that is look after your family because you care for them. For the sake of your parents, don't waste any more time obsessing about this - there's more to life than money.

milliebear00001

Seems to me you have two issues here. First whether or not your parents can legally challenge your grandfather's will, and secondly, whether they should. At the end of the day, whether or not you or your parents feel your grandfather had a moral obligation to leave them the bulk of his money, HE chose not to. Why do you or your parents feel you have a right to challenge this decision?

Legally, I doubt you have much chance of overturning the will if the legacies are as clear cut as they seem. Why are your parents so distraught? Is it because they feel it's unfair that your uncle should receive 'reward' while doing nothing for it? If so, then that's nothing to do with them I'm afraid, and everything to do with the choices of your grandfather. Ultimately, it is he that you should all have the issue with.