Funeral payments

sailormoon123

Hello everybody

I would be grateful if somebody could offer me advice on this sensitive subject. My sisters estranged partner died 3 weeks ago. They had split up some 18 months before, and they have 4 children. He lived in another city to her and their children.

I rang the benefits agency to see how much my sister was entitled to if she was to arrange and take responsibility for his funeral, as she is on benefits and has 2 disabled children. However, as she is not legally married, and not his NOK, they asked her if he had any living relatives, and she explained that he does. Unfortunately his mum is in a nursing home and is unable to look after herself and is under the court of protection.

This is her dilemma. She spoke to the funeral directors and got a costing for the funeral, and it is approx £2000. If she was to take responsibility for the funeral arrangements she would have to pay the difference, which could amount to £500, or possibly more, depending on how much the funeral grant was and she does not have this amount of money.

She has contacted the Nursing home and they won't help either, stating that as his mum is unable to take care of herself, she can't pay either. So, my sisters ex is still lying in the morgue, which is causing distress to his children, who want to see him put to rest. We have tried every which way to resolve this, even asking for a crisis loan, but she was refused, and wonder if the people who take care of his mothers finances should take some responsibility in burying her son, which if she was of sound mind, would do so herself.

I would be very grateful if anyone could help us with this sad situation.

Kind regards.

tigtag02

Have the DWP categorically said they will not make the funeral payment?

alwaysonthego_2

It is not for the nursing home to decide whether or not the mother can not pay for the funeral.

The DWP will try and trace any close living relatives before they pay out the funreal grant who could pay for the funeral.

Has your sister recieved a desicion yet?

fabwitch_2

Are there any other relatives? I know an 18 year old girl who has had to pay for her mums funeral as the mums partner and her mother and family refused to pay. The girl did not live with her Mum but was persuadded to sign the papers then the family added extras on the funeral cost totalling £3000. She got the grant of £1500 but now has a debt of £1500 which she can not pay as she only has a part time job. She might loose her flat now as she stopped paying the rent to try and pay of the funeral cost. Pvery carefully before signing the papers as you were not married you have no legal obligation to pay. I really feel for you and your children you are in a very difficult situation. The Local Authority may be able to help with the cost of the funeral.

sailormoon123

Thanks for your replies.

This is what I know. He died on the 31st July. My sister asked for the claims pack for the funeral grant. On reading it, it asks about other relatives. Strictly speaking, although she's his ex and the mother of his children she is not blood related, so I rang up and asked for advice on her behalf. I explained that the deceased had a living mother, and 2 aunts, and 1 brother. The mother, aunt and brother were all living in homes, and the other aunt was untraceable. She has since been found but wants my sister to deal with the funeral. The DWP said that if my sister was to apply for the grant, then depending on what income she has, it would determine on how much the grant was, and would not guarantee that she would be awarded the full amount, approx £1400. I explained that my sister was not in any financial situation to pay the difference which amount to approx £500. The funeral directors said that they would hold her responsible for the difference, so she thought it best in her and their children's interests , if she did not take responsibility, as there would be no way way she could afford to make up the difference. I asked the DWP if they would give my sister a crisis loan , and they said "no, not for these circumstances", and although they sympathised there was nothing the could do. So I rang the Home and they have not been very helpful. It was only today when I asked the direct question as to who was taking care of his mothers finances, I was told that she was made a court of protection. I said that my sister did not want to handle any of his mothers money, she just wanted some help in with making the difference, which should be paid directly to the funeral directors. They said that they would ask the people who fund her living at the home for advice, but they didn't get back to me today, which so far is par for the course because they haven't really been that helpful. I understand that their hands are tied too, but they seem reluctant to get involved. Surely someone has a duty to care for the deceased grandchildren who are very distressed by the whole situation. The eldest who is 15, is feeling very sad and alarmed that his dad is still in the morgue, and feels that he is being abandoned, which is not the case, because if we could pay for the funeral we would, and wouldn't be asking for anyones help.

You say the Local authority could help. Do you think it's worth contacting them?

Many thanks for your advice.

Chazpots

Saliormoon123 - Firstly just wanted say what a dreadful situation this must be for your sister and I hope it gets sorted out really soon for the sake of her kids. x

I'm sorry I can't offer much advice but I know that the Local Authority can arrange simple funerals where there are no relatives or friends that can arrange it. Just a thought - Is it possible that the LA have already been contacted if no arrangements have been made after 3 weeks? Worth giving them a call anyway.

I know it could potentially take more time, but it could also be worth contacting the CAB.

Chaz

Oldernotwiser

On a purely practical level, I wonder if you've looked at getting the funeral costs down? Although many people spend far more than this on a funeral, I believe that it is possible to pay less by shopping around and cutting down on extras like cars. I apologise if you've already thought of this but not everybody thinks of getting quotations in this situation . I hope it's resolved as easily as possible for all concerned.

simpywimpy

Surely as no-one will take responsibility, the state would have to pay for the basic funeral as it would for someone with no living relatives?

surely the eldest child is his next of kin now and as such, can't be held responsible as they are under 18. That wouldn't make you responsible though so the dwp should be paying for it. If you get no joy with the funeral director, try another one.

sailormoon123

Thank you again for your replies.

It is a stressful time. We have already lost our mum in 2004, and our sis in 2006, so this is a really difficult time.

We have thought about approaching L/A, but at this moment in time, the thought of an unmarked grave is not something his ex (my sister and their children want). We have shopped around and it is the cheapest, although I think we might be able to bring it down by about 180-200 because I think that is for bringing him back to this city. However, it still leaves a short fall, and the only option is to have him cremated where he died and then bring his ashes back and have a service with his family. I feel quite helpless right now, and not sure which way to turn, but perhaps on Monday we may hear something from the home. Failing that ..I don't know what my sis will do.

Thanks again for your help and kind words.

Regards.....

BARGAINHUNTER!

I cannot see how his ex can be considered his next of kin? Surely it is his mother, or if she is incompacitated his brother? Failing that it would be his son, but as he is a minor he would not be expected to pay. Is there any money in her ex's estate to make up the short fall?

sailormoon123

Hi Bargainhunter

My sis his ex is not N.O.K
Mother is not capable (under court of protection)
Aunt is not capable
brother also living in a home and not cabable
deceased-children are all under 16
other aunt-living and working in London -will not take responsibility and we don't have her details-other than a phone number that she won't answer.

Ex wants to bury him but cannot afford to pay the difference and the home won't give me a contact no for the person who is taking care of the mothers finances.
The deceased does not have any money to bury himself, which is a lesson to us all to make sure we save for our funeral.

Thanks for your advice.

Regards