Depression Support Thread

AngelDelight_2

Hi,
I hope you dont mind me joining your group. I have been reading this site for a while, on and off. But have only just managed to pick up the courage to post. I just wanted to say that you are all such wonderful and brave people.
I dont want to write loads, If i wrote about what I have been going through and what I have suffered, It would be a book which would be never ending.
I have suffered years of depression since my early tenage years! At the time, it was not recognised for the simple fact my mother was not to bothered so I went off the scales abit resorting into drink and drugs. That went onto self harm. It was only after a friends suicide that a doctor prescribed me antid's and refered me for couselling which I found to difficult to go through. As years went by, I bottled everything up. I had no family or no kind of support but I managed to get through life by putting on a front, so people that knew me, knew nothing of what I was going through. I ended up giving up work as it got to the point I was very suicidal but some how got through that stage to. I tried pulling myself together and got a new job and met a guy through work, who then seemed the most amazing guy. Within months of being together he started being violent and very abusive towards me but I stayed with him out of fear and hoping he would change as he had lost his nans. Due to the violence, I had to take a lot of time off work, my company was not happy even though I had medical notes. In the end, I had to confide to my managers what was happening but even though they offered me help, Iwas to scared to take it as If my now ex had found out he would of killed me. He had attempted to kill me on a few occasions by trying to suffocate me with a pillow and strangling me. He made me loose all my confidence as he was also cheating on me. The final straw came when he gave me a std (chylamidia) in which i also found out I was 3 months pregnant. My world fell apart and against everyones wishes I kept my baby. I had a lot of bills at the time, like loans, catalogues of which were all my ex's stuff but everything was under my name as he had bad credit. To cut the story short, I finally had the strenght and went into a womans refuge for the 3rd time and pulled myself together to bring up my child. It has taken nearly 7 years to escape from him, as where ever I went he would find me. He would use the guilt trip and use my child to make me feel bad but I never got back with him in all those years but he would carry on thretening me and being abusive which my child witnessed and also affected my child. He refuses to see my child supervised and refuses to pay any maintenance as he said if i report him to the csa he will kill me. My child now who is nearly 7 has had no contact for over 6 months due to my ex verbally abusing my child. As a mother, it is my responsibilty to protect my child and care for his wellbeing. I know I am at risk from my ex. I have been court many times and had restraining orders. Now I have moved again and he does not know where we are.For the past 2 years, I have had some counselling, Im on 2 different antid's aswell as anxiety tablets. I am now waiting to have couselling again.
About a month ago, I met this guy and he asked me out. I agreed and met up with him. he told me that he had to go round his place and let his cousin in, but i felt a bit awkward with this but thought it wouldnt be a problem. he offered me a drink which I had and his cousin arrived and his friend. He gave me another drink as I told him I would have to leave soon. I woke up the next day completly naked. I cannot remember anything. I know some of you will say, why was I so stupid to go out with a guy I did not know!!! But i accept I was stupid enough and there is nothing I can do to change things. As a result my depression as got the worst it can be. I try not to think suicidal as my child will always come first but i feel I am going mad. I try to block it out as im to scared in case i remember something. Today I had to go to a special clinic and have been given lots of tablets. I dont know how im going to get through this. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I have been through so much. I cant face the world anymore. I have one very good friend who I have told and she has been fantastic but i feel like the world has ended for me. I look at my child and I know I have done a good job as my child is happy and healthy. But im so scared about getting worse I dont know what to do. I have spoken to gp briefly but there is nothing he can do. the pain is inside me. Please help me. I havent self harmed in a while, I dont want to but in a way, i want to feel the pain to the pain inside me can go for a bit but i know it wont. How will I get over this and carry on like normal. All these years I have pretended my lifes ok but i cant pretend anymore as I dont have the strengh anymore. Sorry for the long and depressing message. I just needed to get some off my chest. Thank you.

Amber_Sunshine

Oh Angel, what a rotten time you've had. Please get some help from a rape crisis centre, even if you don't want to go to the police. You weren't stupid, you just trusted the wrong person.

Post as much and as often as you want, we will help in any way we can.

septemberblues

And welcome Angel Delight xxx

AngelDelight_2

Thank you very much for your kind words. I have been refered for counselling through the clinic so fingers crossed wont wait long. Thank you for being kind and nice and not judging me.

septemberblues

AngelDelight wrote: »

Thank you very much for your kind words. I have been refered for counselling through the clinic so fingers crossed wont wait long. Thank you for being kind and nice and not judging me.

Oh Angel Delight, your post had me near to tears, what terrible things to happen to you, I am so sorry. Please feel free to post as often/as much as you like, the people are very supportive here. Thank goodness you have your child - something so special to come out of something so awful.

As to the rape - never ever think that was your fault, you were set up. I hope your counselling comes through really quickly and you feel better soon.

sb

feelinggood_2

I think we probably get a little defensive about 'miracle cures'. We've all be told many times that if we just do x, y or z, we'd get better. A lot of us have lived with mental illness for a long time, and know that it isn't as simple as that sometimes. I like to think I'm open minded, but I don't trust someone with an agenda, and I don't support people making medical claims on a forum where I'm not even allowed to say "I'm annoyed today because I feel sick - silly side effects!".

You also have to understand that this thread is a safe place where we are allowed to be ourselves. We are allowed to be depressed here. We don't have to put on the fake smiles and pretend everything is okay. We don't wallow in real life, but sometimes its nice to have a break from it and just be who we are, and be honest about how we feel, without people judging us.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Can't stop my tifflings - just a quickie...;)

Well it's not often I end up smiling after talking to British Gas and Electric, () :rolleyes: , but today was the exception to the rule!

Apologies in advance to all if anyone has already posted this information and for all the smileys too. I've also posted this on the Utilities and Gas & Electric Threads to try and spread the word.

I'm with British Gas PAYG for both my gas & electric supplies. (Yes,I know!)

I was calling about another matter and was on hold as usual (), waiting for an agent when I heard a recording informing me that there is an ''Essential Tariff'' Scheme for low income families on benefits or for the low income elderly. I asked the agent about it and here's the deal:

- If you are low income earners and with British Gas and/or Electricity, you could be eligible for this scheme where British Gas/Electricity will NOT apply their recent price rises to your account until April 2009!:T

- Come April 2009, the agent told me that the market may have improved or they'll re-assess your account/the market or you might then be ready to switch to another supplier.

It's meant to ease the financial burdens caused by the price hikes for low income homes. For example, I'm on Income Support and get Housing and Council Tax benefits and I have qualified for this scheme.


To see if you qualify, call this free number:

0800 072 7100.

The only slight down side I could see was that it takes about 6 weeks for your tariff to be altered, BUT they will backdate it to the day you call them and register with the scheme.:j

It's also another example of only finding help when you trip up over it. I guess the moral of the story is to take notice of the unending recorded messages played when you're on hold - sometimes it really can pay off.;) It did for me today - it's saved me from those huge 35% price rises backdated from today and waived until April!:money:

I really hope this helps someone.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Oh yes - and there's this too...:D

Grass Eater

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo.
Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."




The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Safe journeys guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Just to let you know that soon I wont have Virginmedia as my internet provider,just waiting on a Mac Code which takes 2 days to get to my virgin.net e-mail address and hopefuly going to go to Sky TV if they have the package deal I want,I have just terminated my Virginmedia contract,so I might not be on for a while once my maccode has come.Just wanted to tell you all so you wont worry where I am.

Welcome to the thread Angel Delight.

Katie

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Meanwhile back at the ranch...

And finally...

HAPPY PURRSDAY GUYS!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx