my daughter is pregnant no home and wants to go to college

lynzpower

"bursting the bubble" ??

As I see it they are a youngish couple, who are enthusiastic, communicate well, clearly very considerate of thier own future and the only box they dont tick is that they dont have thier own roof?

Cast back 30 years. When My mum and dad were pregnant with me, it was totally the norm to have a baby at 20 or younger, in fact my parents first house was left to them in a will, otherwise they too would have lived with extended family or freinds....
Im sure your post was borne out of panic more than anything, but you need to stand back , reflect on how well off she is-( pat yourself on the back a bit ) she sounds like a resourceful young woman, who has picked a good partner, yes times will be tough, but times are tough for most couples who have babies- at any stage!

funky-footprints

she is a lucky girl to have you ! a lot of mums wouldnt be so on thier daughters side !

xxx

fawd1

lauren_1 wrote: »

Oh right, its because i mentioned the A word, Sorry i forgot it was 1950.

I don't think anyone has a problem with abortion being mentioned, I just think you sounded as though because of bad timing it was the best idea for her. As the OP is the girls mother and hasn't at any point mentioned that the girl is even considering it, why would you bring it up. I would support anyones right to have an abortion, i have had one myself, but to suggest it to someone who has already decided to have a baby, because it would simply be more "convenient" is utterly wrong, and it's thinking like that that means more and more people are using it as a form of contraceptive. Abortion isn't, and shouldn't be considered, as the easy get out until your life is just exactly how you want it.

the_gorgeous_one

I do feel lucky to have my daughter and my son. There was an initial shock as I think my parents got when I told them I was pregnant at 25 with a long term boyfriend. We are married now and yes it was a struggle then, we worked opposite shifts to look after the children. Anyway that is a different story.
My daughter would never have considered abortion, she will be a good mum and I would support her whatever decision she would make. I do get the odd tingle of excitement when I think of having a grandchild. I just can't think of the name Granny, Grandma or Nanny. I need a new special name that doesn't mean ancient.

Oldernotwiser

fawd1 wrote: »

I don't think anyone has a problem with abortion being mentioned, I just think you sounded as though because of bad timing it was the best idea for her. As the OP is the girls mother and hasn't at any point mentioned that the girl is even considering it, why would you bring it up. I would support anyones right to have an abortion, i have had one myself, but to suggest it to someone who has already decided to have a baby, because it would simply be more "convenient" is utterly wrong, and it's thinking like that that means more and more people are using it as a form of contraceptive. Abortion isn't, and shouldn't be considered, as the easy get out until your life is just exactly how you want it.

Perhaps the fact that abortion hadn't been mentioned is a good reason for mentioning it? In this situation, ALL options should be considered and many people would think that bringing a child into this world without being able to support and provide for it was not the same thing as "getting your life the way you want it"! No wonder there are so many young girls on benefits with babies these days, with attitudes like yours!

lidlest

lauren_1 wrote: »

Well she can't do everything....

Im sure someone else will be along shortly to offer benefit advice but its not all doom and gloom having a baby so young and still in education but its harder, much harder..

Couldn't agree more, I got pregnant at 19 when I was at Uni, I had to come home but knew that I wanted to continue with my education. I got on the housing list, ended up getting a flat, my partner got a job (low pay though) and i went back to Uni after the birth.
I ended up finishing the degree I left (open uni) and doing another one (UEL), got a job and am now studying my masters. We now have a house, a comfortable income and I am thinking its time for number 2 (8 years later lol)

FairyElephant_2

vixarooni wrote: »

I would ask the college whether it would be possible if she could bring in her child to lessons? Our college was always quite good with this and three mothers in our class bought their children in. .

Good luck!

Whilst I have lots of sympathy with those struggling with motherhood and education at the same time, surely this is not fair to the other students? No matter how well-behaved a baby/child, I'm sure they would be a distraction. I would NOT be impressed if I was one of the other students, and would not think that the college was 'good' for allowing this!

Paula_anne

Colleges in our area have creches, i got pregnant at 17yrs so left school with not good grades, now i have 3 lovely kids a home and also a qualification nvq2 in health and social care which i obtained whilst working evenings and weekends with the elderly.

Having kids at a young age is hard but in the end it will all come together, she can always go back to college once the child is 2 and at playschool.

sismith42

One option regarding college that hasn't been mentioned yet: can she defer her place until next year or the year after, after she's had the baby?

I'm a bit confused about the "kicked out" thing: did you actually kick her out, or is that just what she's putting on the application? It sounds like you aren't even considering letting her/them stay (even as a paying lodger) with you-- I assume there's a good reason for this?

good luck to her and her bf and the litte one :-)

the_gorgeous_one

No she hasn't been kicked out, this was advice given to me by people and she states she was given this advice by CAB when she went today. I wouldn't kick her out but I do think she needs her own home for her family and without going into detail think this would be best for her, she has had a very steep learning curve over the last few years and it has been a much better relationship between her and her Dad since she wasn't at home. Thanks to all for your response