my daughter is pregnant no home and wants to go to college

the_gorgeous_one

My daughter recently discovered she is pregnant. (10 weeks) she is sharing with boyfriend on his tenancy agreement and his friend. This is her home address but she will need some accomodation soon. Today she was accepted for college on a pre degree course. She is due to start a 16 hour job in a restaurant at night in 2 weeks time. She hasn't claimed any benefits as she recently left a self employed job as she was ill during the initial stages of pregnancy. She has had a 2 week break and felt better and found work on a part time basis. She is in the process of applying for housing and housing benefit but doesn't know where to start. I have told her to go to Citizens advice bureau but it is all a mine field to me. I have never claimed benefits. Please help I am so worried we will end up supporting her and baby forever but also want to give her the right support without interfering. They are both still teenagers. I did think they could continue to live in the same house as they are in now but it is 2 bedroomed council and daughter and boyfriend are sharing a single room so not ideal. I have been told that we have to tell the council she is homeless as I have kicked her out but it seems a bit harsh.

lauren_1

Well she can't do everything....

If she wants to do the course and further her career and lord knows her situation is not the best for bringing a baby in to i don't think anyone would judge her for opting for an abortion however depending on the length of the course it may be possible to carry on the course along side the pregnancy (my ds was conveniently born at the begining of the half term holidays in june) and i only had to go back for 2 more weeks too.

Im sure someone else will be along shortly to offer benefit advice but its not all doom and gloom having a baby so young and still in education but its harder, much harder..

lauren_1

Regarding the council, i don't think they will do much until the baby is near born or past MC risk, sharing a single room may be a bit of a squeeze but its by no means a health hazzard. The council will see it as one less family to house and leave it as it is for the time being.

I doubt they will take any notice or award any points until she is at least 29 weeks+

hobo28

I think your daughter needs to think carefully and decide what she wants more. I fear by trying to do it all she will be biting off more than she can chew. She cannot have her cake and eat it.

LoopyLinz

Hi

Didnt want to read and run! Not sure I have much advice to be honest but Im sure someone much more knowledgable will be along shortly.

I will say however that I strongly disagree with what Lauren has said (however everyone is entitled to their own opinions) It may not be the ideal situation that either you or your daughter had envisaged however its far from the end of the world. Im a great believer in lists. First off I would get your daughter to make an appointment with CAB. Prior to this appointment it would probably be a good idea for her to sit down (perhaps with yourself) and write a list of all the questions she has. CAB may advise that housing will not help at this point but at least she will know that is something she will need to re-address at a later date. CAB should also be able to advise what (if any) benefits she will be entitled to claim. There is a website however that I have seen posted previously, I think its www.entitledto.com this may help in the meantime.

As I said I think the first port of call should be an appointment with CAB.

Hope this helps a little

Linz xoxox

oystercatcher

If she's determined she can do almost anything! The baby will be due in March so she may be able to 'fit it into' the Easter break . As a midwife I've seen young Mums manage all sorts of training and exams and fit it around having a baby and managing a very small child. It's not easy at all and she'd need lots of support. Depending where you are there are all sorts of creche type facilities connected with colleges. Alternatively she could delay her course for a year or start it and just defer the last term .....

I'm sure the council will sort out rehousing particularly if she is already sharing a council house. She may not get anything until after the baby is born but they have a duty to support her. Just stand your ground and say you can't have her back with the baby, this doesn't mean you can't help out with support and childminding. I'm sure citizens advice will point her in the right direction, just don't expect things to happen instantly as in most places there are waiting lists and they probably won't 'count' the baby until it's been safely born and they are sure it's staying with her. It won't hurt them to all squish up in a little room.

This baby will need financial support so it's great that she's finding work and looking at college courses sounds like she's looking to the future and trying to stay independent. Encourage this and wait and see how things work out. Neither she or you know how she will feel over the next few months and then next few years but teenage pregnancies have been happening for a long time and families manage pretty well. There's lots of help out there, her midwife will know if there's local support for young mums, we run a teenage pregnancy group where I work. Most Uni's have facilities for students with children so this may be a set back but it doesn't mean the end of her career at all.

best wishes
Oystercatcher

lauren_1

LoopyLinz wrote: »

I will say however that I strongly disagree with what Lauren has said (however everyone is entitled to their own opinions) It may not be the ideal situation that either you or your daughter had envisaged however its far from the end of the world.

Linz xoxox

Where did i say its the end of the world? I said it was just harder.

JimmyTheWig

Was she paying national insurance as a self employed person? Or did she have a small earnings certificate?
She won't be entitled to Statutary Maternity Pay from her new employer as she's started the job while pregnant, but as long as she's got enough work under her belt (self-employment will count) then she should be able to claim Maternity Allowance.

If you make her homeless by "kicking her out" then the council will have to house her as a priority. But that may be a B&B or a hostel. It may not be a very nice environment for your daughter and her baby. It may be a long way away from you.

Does the boyfriend work?
Do they want to bring up the baby as a couple?
Does she want to work / study, or be a full time mum?

Scarlett1

the_gorgeous_one wrote: »

I have been told that we have to tell the council she is homeless as I have kicked her out but it seems a bit harsh.

Do you want her to get housed as a lone parent ? saying you have kicked her out won't get her a council flat but a room in a hostel which could be miles away from family and friends, there is no reason your daughter and her boyfriend can't privately rent, are you able to help by having her at your house until she is settled ?

vixarooni

My friend is proof that anything is possible! She become pregnant in the second year of uni. She then had to organise a wedding because her parents are quite religious so she got engaged and married to her partner in a few months (this was in the third year) she then gave birth to her baby girl in the final year of uni, which is the toughest year ever. To top is off she isnt even from this country and her parents were hundreds of miles away in another country.

So im sure your daughter can do both, she has more help behind her than my friend did!

I would ask the college whether it would be possible if she could bring in her child to lessons? Our college was always quite good with this and three mothers in our class bought their children in. I know its not the most ideal situation but it means she can multi task a bit instead of giving up completly.

Good luck!

LoopyLinz

lauren_1 wrote: »

Where did i say its the end of the world? I said it was just harder.

I didnt mean that you said it was the end of the world. Maybe I worded it badly. Just that I disagreed with some of what you said but everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

Anyway................As another poster has said I am a firm believer that we can achieve anything if our minds are set on it.

Linz xoxox