4 days to go wedding rant!

mookiandco

I get married on Saturday and in the last 2 days, 4 different people have cancelled on account of deaths in family and urgent medical appointments that they were waiting ages for. I am sorry if the deaths are true but it seems unlikely. Do people not realise that I have paid huge amounts of money per head, not to mention printed place cards and done a table plan. I can redo the table plan just about but I am so very very cross.

The worst part is that 3 of them just sent a text, How rude.

I have now paid for 4 people who wont be there. Its now really rude of me to start asking people to come when its sooo obvious they werent my first choice!. I am 1/2 tempted to grab some random people off the street and invite them in for lunch because I dont want the food and money to go to waste.

Other than that its all ticking along nicely.

Rant over. Thanks for listening!!!

gill_81uk

Are you having an evening do as well? If so I think you should see if you have 4 guests who you can 'bump up' to daytime.

I went to a friend's wedding last week, was originally just going to evening and I was over the moon when he rang and asked if we wanted to go to whole thing. He explained we'd been among his first choice for the day but they had struggled with numbers etc, but to be honest there would have been no offence anyway.

Maybe it helps that I'm in a similar boat (he was on my eve do only list for our wedding next year!) but I'm sure you must have some friends who would be happy to be 'upgraded' without being offended.

As you say, it seems such a shame to let food you have paid for go to waste.

mookiandco

Thanks. Its an all day all nighter, i'm afraid (well, 2pm to 11pm) but its good to hear you werent offended at being upgraded late in the day. Perhaps people will be okay with it.

brazilianwax

These things happen.

I had a work colleague drop out about 3 days before the wedding, and on the day 2 more friends dropped out (by text) as they were really unwell.

TBH, the day is so busy you will hardly notice those that aren't there. I doubt their absences are malicious . I had (supposedly) close family refuse to come because they didn't want to travel, or because i didn't invite relatives I'd never met.

Enjoy your day, and share it with those that are there. I bumped a few evening guests up to fill the gaps in the daytime, and they were fine about it, even though it was last minute.

Good luck

brazilianwax

Ooh, and I myself dropped out of a wedding on the day because my best friend wrote my car off the night before and was in intensive care.

My OH still went to the wedding, and the bride and groom understood

mrcow

I agree about the evening guest thing....I'd be chuffed to bits to be "upgraded" and it wouldn't really matter who I was sitting next to (if I was also with someone I knew). If you're honest and just say that numbers were tight, but you'd be delighted if they could make it, if they are "normal" people, then I'm sure they'd 100% undersand and will be there with bells on.

Cancelling a wedding invitation by text is a pretty poor show. It would have to be a pretty close death to cancel something like that though (as opposed to the death of a " non close" relative or friend), so perhaps they are too upset to talk....but I wouldn't think it likely personally as common curtesy would dictate that you actually saw/spoke to the bride directly to explain.

PS. If you're still thinking of inviting people off the street, I'm personally free after 2pm on Saturday and LOVE weddings. I have an outfit all ready and have my repertoir of funny anecdotes ready to go! :j See you then?

brazilianwax

Don't worry about table plans and name cards either - they aren't something anyone remembers, and you just need to let the 'bumped up' guests know what their new names are

Luvly.cuppa.T

WEll I must say that I was taken aback by your post initially... I understand that this is your big day and wads of cash have been paid out, but this is only one day and not the entire being of the world- people have lives to attend to and so be it if this clashes with your day...

(I have had 6 deaths this year so I am touchy on the death thing tbh and saddened that you seem to take it so heartlessly, should it be true)

But aside from that you obviously are wanting to fill places and I can understand that entirely. No point in wasting cash if you can help it ay?

Just openly say that spaces have come up and would they like to come? Keep it simple and there can be no comeuppance then.

The other suggestions are good too...

Stephb1986_2

Im free on saturday too I love weddings and it might give me some ideas for my own

I couldn't be so rude to let you know by txt that i wasn't coming thats just out of order. Whats happened to peoples manners??

Good luck

Steph xx

floss2

mookiandco wrote: »

I get married on Saturday and in the last 2 days, 4 different people have cancelled on account of deaths in family and urgent medical appointments that they were waiting ages for. I am sorry if the deaths are true but it seems unlikely. Do people not realise that I have paid huge amounts of money per head, not to mention printed place cards and done a table plan. I can redo the table plan just about but I am so very very cross.

The worst part is that 3 of them just sent a text, How rude.

TBH, if a member of my wedding party had a death in the family, obviously that comes before my wedding. Same goes for an urgent operation - would you cancel something you had been offered an urgent date for (maybe even life-saving) just for a social occasion? These things happen.

And as for sending a text - if I got a phone call to say a member of my close family had died or from a hospital early one morning to say "be here by 4pm", coming to find a bride & apologise for not being able to attend her wedding would be one of the last things on my mind. Obviously at the first opportunity I would go & visit or write & explain, but at least they let you know & didn't just not turn up on the day.

As other posters have suggested, bump people up to the full day - if we got offered that we'd be delighted, and not at all offended that we weren't first choice.

honeypop

Unfortunately us brides need to remember that to the majority of our guests, our wedding day is 'just another social occasion', to them it's a day where something nice happens but they don't think about it until the day pretty much - unlike the bride and groom who think about it non-stop and of course t's more important to them.

We have to face it that our big day is not as important to everyone else as it is to us, and people will drop out for good reason, or not a good reason even, because it's not THAT special a day to them that it overrides anything else that comes up. Obviously close family and friends will feel it's special, but others not so much.

It's a harsh thing to say, but the world doesn't stop for your wedding day, other things come up and people have to drop out, regardless of whether you've paid for their space or not, that's of no concern to them. Yes they could have informed you in a better way than a text but maybe they didn't want to hear your disappointment, they gave you almost a weeks notice too which at least is better than just a day or so. If someone had died and I had to drop out of a wedding, the last thing I'd do is ring and tell them, it puts them in an awkward position to pretend it's ok with them etc, so I would put it in written words (text, email, a card) and follow it up with a phone call later on to explain, perhaps after the wedding.

AND, if I found out the bride doubted whether someone HAD actually died which was my reason not to attend, I would seriously wonder why she thought enough of me to invite me to her wedding in the first place if she could think something like that of me in this situation.

Some people have died and some get the opportunity for a medical appointment that they have waited along time for, get over yourself and count yourself lucky that you still have others attending your wedding because I wouldn't want a friend or family member like you who begrudges people these things because of ONE day you expect people to drop everything for you. I know you were only ranting but seriously you sound not very nice over this.