Help asap son wanting to seriously hurt 'dad'

cobbingstones

I really need advice asap

My son who is 18 finally got offered his dream job and needed references to secure it. He gave his dad as one and let the employer know this. His 'dad' gave him a bad reference and now his lost the job. They have had a bad relationship for years and years with my son desperate for his approval, but never getting it. His 'dad' went on to have two more children who he loves to bits, and makes sure my ds knows he'll never love him the same.

My ds now wants to go there and kill him. He's had a knife which I have taken of him and he's blue with rage. He's always been scared of his dad and now he wants to prove that he is not. My dh has offered to go with him to keep things on track but he's refused.

Help pls

pinkshoes

If they've had a bad relationship for years, I'm puzzled as to why he put him down as a referee? (Also, they don't normally allow family members to give references...).

Was the bad reference justified or not? Has he contacted the company to let them know what happened, and asked them if he could provide an alternative reference? I'd tell him to focus his anger on getting another job, or rectifying the situation with the company he applied for...

cobbingstones

He put him him down as a referee due to working with him. He asked his permission beforehand and he agreed.

Loopy_Girl

Is he not really his Dad? Am only asking as you keep referring to him as 'Dad'..or are you meaning that he is his Dad but he has not acted like one?

Gingham_Ribbon

Has he been back in touch with the company to tell them his father has played this mindlessly cruel trick on him and he can provide a proper reference from someone else?

I can't think of any sensible advice. You must be out of your mind with worry. What other sensible adults can he talk to to help him calm down? Is it worrying enough that you need to call the police?

lynzpower

I would see if there is any chance that you could go back to the employer and state on your sons behalf, that another referee would be best. As his mum Id be tempted to lay it on a bit thick, and say "'dad' has always been angry at the child due to the breakup, complex fmaily dynamics etc, and that the son had been hidden from it, not sons fault etc.

What sort of father would do that, what a scummy thing to do.

Your poor son.

Simply, you have to support your son, and say to him that his father is simply not reliable, doesn thave his best wishes at heart, and you will do everything in your power to ensure he gets what he wants.

On the plus side, his interview and forms were obviously excellent, or they would not seek out references.

cobbingstones

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Is he not really his Dad? Am only asking as you keep referring to him as 'Dad'..or are you meaning that he is his Dad but he has not acted like one?

He doesn't act like one.

Wish he wasn't his dad.

MM

cobbingstones

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Has he been back in touch with the company to tell them his father has played this mindlessly cruel trick on him and he can provide a proper reference from someone else?

I can't think of any sensible advice. You must be out of your mind with worry. What other sensible adults can he talk to to help him calm down? Is it worrying enough that you need to call the police?

Thanks GR Slowly he is cooling down. But the betrayal of it all. I just wish I had the right words for him.

MM

cobbingstones

lynzpower wrote: »

I would see if there is any chance that you could go back to the employer and state on your sons behalf, that another referee would be best. As his mum Id be tempted to lay it on a bit thick, and say "'dad' has always been angry at the child due to the breakup, complex fmaily dynamics etc, and that the son had been hidden from it, not sons fault etc.

What sort of father would do that, what a scummy thing to do.

Your poor son.

Simply, you have to support your son, and say to him that his father is simply not reliable, doesn thave his best wishes at heart, and you will do everything in your power to ensure he gets what he wants.

On the plus side, his interview and forms were obviously excellent, or they would not seek out references.

Tried already Lynx. Its a no go.

MM

Gingham_Ribbon

Good grief. I'm really sorry. I hope a better job turns up soon. I cannot begin to understand how someone could do this.

thatgirlsam

i thought you were not allowed to give a 'bad' reference..
just don't give a reference if the person was not a good employee - references are all good i thought..