ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

GeorgeUK

Cantcope, i didn't read hjsmum's comments as her being upset at your comments, just that she was upset with her OH.

It's not an easy one to explain to people. How do you explain an addiction to someone? This addiction has no physical signs as with alcohol, drugs or even cigarettes, but you are still addicted.

Just as hjsmum has her priorities with her children and family right at the top, with an addict, the next fix takes priority. This is true far problem gamblers too. He will love his children and family, but as he is an addict, the gambling takes priority. That's why gamblers will sell things that don't belong to them - they'll put it back when they win. It's not even a question of what happens if they don't win - they'll just keep going until they do. If they run out of money first then they will be feeling guilty and possibly lash out to blame others.

The man you fell in love with may still be there, but until he gets rid of the gambling he'll be different. It might be easier to talk to him after he hasn't bet for a few days. If he's won, he'll say there isn't a problem, if he's lost then he'll be feeling guilty, possibly ashamed and still making excuses.

If you don't feel you can talk to him about it, write him a letter detailing everything that you are worried about and how you want to help him. but you can't mother him and he has to make the changes - not you.

Instead of him just saying that you should stop the internet so that he doesn't gamble, ask him if he's serious about it and tell him about the gamblock software or others that may be around. He has nothing to lose by doing it because you could offer to pay for it - lets see what excuses he comes up with or if he just dismisses it.

It took me a long time to realise that my problems weren't just gambling - gambling was my crutch. I had other problems that pushed me towards gambling when i was feeling down, fedup or just angry. I had to deal with these before i could deal with the gambling effectively.

GeorgeUK

Ames, just chalk that up to experience. You lost money because of his gambling - seems familiar doesn't it?

At least now when he tries to do the same agian you can tell him straight that you don't enjoy losing money and the possibility of winning money doesn't seem worth the price.

Ames

Thanks guys, I was worried people would judge me for it. Anywa, lesson learnt and everything.

hjsmum

Hi everyone, funny turn of events ths morning. Right out of the blue OH started talking about gambling, didn't admit anything was just making a point of saying how he had control and not to worry because he wasn't going to gamble again. Don't know whether he's sensed my mood the last few days and put 2 and 2 together or what.

Here's hoping anyway although i'm not entirely convinced I have to say (wont stop me checking next months statement just to be sure).

Just wanted to thank everyone again for being there and listening to me moan. You're all lovely people and very strong to be quitting.

xx

cantcope

Hi HJ, maybe its time to bring up the possibilty of putting a block on his pc then if he says he isnt going to do it again it won't bother him.

hjsmum

Good point cantcope. I'll try and get him in a good mood and suggest it.

xx

riquelme

hjsmum wrote: »

Good point cantcope. I'll try and get him in a good mood and suggest it.

xx

thats the acid test hj, if he;s serious he will give it a go.

thoughts are with you and your family

Ames

Well, the second half of the bets with the money I gave ex lost. I've got a voucher for a free bet in my bag, a loyalty card thing. That's why he involved me - they're limited to one per person, so he wanted me to hand in the cash and put my name down so he could get an extra go. He wants to use it, but I'm tempted to just go and spend it myself, show him what it feels like.

riquelme

ames - please dont get dragged into that horrible world of gambling, he's probably thinking all is rosy because he's introduced you into it. please for your own sake dont go any further. it gives him justification to carry on.

cantcope

Ames. My suggestion would be to "lose" the loyalty card. rip it into tiny pieces so that neither of you can use it. These places aren't silly it's just another way to keep you betting.

About 5 months before i stopped for good i had not bet for 3 weeks...partly because i knew it was destroying me and partly because i had no money.... i then got an email from the casino site i played on to say they'd put £50 in my account as a "bonus"....didnt take me long to be right back into it again for another 5 months until i wanted to kill myself....i'

Please get rid of it.