ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

hi an welcome to the board. I too blew an absolute fortune (to me) online gambling when i wouldnt dream of doing it anywhere else. It got to the point i couldnt afford to buy food because every spare penny (or borrowed) i had after i paid my bills went on gambling.

Please get some help. You aren't stupid, you have an addiction. Get a block on your computer. Gamblock is very good but costs. However, its about £30 and lasts a year so will pay for itself easily as it wont let you gamble online.

Take a look at the GA website. You might not want to go to meetings but there are stories on there that will help you feel you arne't alone and there is also a live chatroom where you can speak to other people that are seeking help or there to help you.

Well done for admitting you have a problem. First step done. Feel proud.

You can PM me whenever you like and I am happy to chat, listen, or give advice.

First thing to do is put a block on your PC though as this will make the next steps much easier.

Good luck xxx This addiction can be stopped if you are willing to seek help and support.

skint,single_mum_of_4

I don't need gamelock as ive cut up my prepaid credit card(will not get another one),ive no way of depositing as no visa/credit cards etc !
ive just had a look at the GA site,my god the stories..one man has lost his house TWICE ! another has lost his 2 brothers who were gamblers and they killed themselves,he's doing the same.I could relate to this as my brother killed himself last yr(threw himself of a block of flats).I realise ive just been blocked things out with my gambling,takes my mind off things for abit,does that make sense ? but ive got to face up to stuff,my kids need me,there's only us !
yesterday was hard,i went for walk in the local garden center,took my time when i went to sainsburys etc.went to bed early last night .
My son went on computer last night,he said "mum you've not once ask me to hurry up with the computer .are u ill ?" this was sad !
This morning i got up and did house work and read some stories on GA . ive got to find something to replace the on line bingo,something out of the house !..one day at a time !

cantcope

Glad you read some of the stories. This addiction can be destroying as you've found out. I'm so glad you've realised before its too late.
Your son saying that last night shows it wasnt just affecting you.

Set yourself some small goals... in a week i will.... etc

make the most of the nice weather, take the kids to the park or wander around the shops like you did yesterday. Things will get better and soon you'll wonder how you managed to spend so much time at the computer.

you definitely need to replace the void as this can be the hardest thing to do and makes you miss it. How about something getting the kids involved too? do you have a garden? maybe you could give them all a little plot to grow veggies or flowers. should keep you all busy for a while.

From your posts you are a strong woman and you should be proud of wht you've achieved for you and your children so far.
Talking to people definitely helps so lots of people keep a diary of how they are feeling so maybe you can use your notebook for that. I did this and now almost 3 years later when i read back it reminds me of how far i've come. some days i just wrote, i feel crap, others showed a small thing i'd achieved.

its a long road but with the right support, either on here or from a close friend you can get through it. xx

skint,single_mum_of_4

I started that diary yesterday(was recommended to me by another member) i have got to fill the void i filled with gambling.The trouble i have is my kids are older and have there own things they do,lol i'm lucky if i see em ! i can get them to do things with me maybe once a week other than that there always with mates.i have thought about getting a bike,i could bike to the shops and i know my 14yr old lad would like to do that with me,there's some nice places near me too,i'm a bit scared about the roads etc but i think it will be a challange.My daughter who's 22 likes pubs/cinema etc so could do that with her now and again,might even meet someone up the pub ? i'm only 41 and always been told i'm attractive.I miss my sister she lives up North,not been home since my brother's death last yr.i'm gonna make the effort and go more often,with what i save not gambling i could spend on petrol etc

cantcope

you are sounding very positive today which is a good thing. go out and do all the things you've bene putting off. do you know your kids friends mums? maybe you could invite them round for coffee and strike up some new friendships?

the bike thing sound slike a great idea. Have a look on freecycle, you never know someone might be giving one away.

GeorgeUK

Hi SSM, glad you have felt able to post.

I did the online gambling in a big way and it only took a few months for me to get in serious trouble. So glad you have found the strength to face it before anything major happened. I too used gambling as a crutch instead of dealing with other things in my life.

I think the advice you have been given so far is spot on and taking small steps towards new goals is definately the way forward. The bike sounds like a great idea. Excercise is good for depression and you might even find a bicycle club or something else that you can take part in. Are there any other clubs or events that you may be able to attend or participate in to meet more people?

One thing you may want to consider is instead of bottling it all up if things are getting too much for you, talk to your kids about it. No need to go into detail, but it helps to talk even if it's just about you feeling down. Just take it one day at a time and pretty soon you'll hopefully forget about the gfeelings that you associated with gambling and have a better foundation to build your new life from.

(((Hugs)))
George

riquelme

HI SSM - well done for posting and admitting you have a problem, thats the 1st big step. now for dealing with it, again youve taken another big step in getting rid of your card. thats brilliant well done. you also have read some experiences of where gambling takes people, seriously scary places (losing family, losing homes and suicide)
if you carry on gambling who knows where it may lead, its not easy stopping, like others have said filling the void will definitely help. im 7 monhys into recovery, i have good days and bad days, days where i beat myself up about what ive done, days where my OH has a go at me. i cant change the past but the effort im putting i will regain the trust and make me feel worthwhile to my family. i hope theyre seeing the benefit of having dad giving them more attention rather on the laptop instead of playing with them. you may want to think about these things too, sounds like your 14yo likes spending time with you, make the most of your new found time. join some clubs, look in your local free paper for events, sometimes theyre free.

anyway, oure welcome back anytime to post up your feelings and progress, we're a friendly bunch and it shoudnt take too long to get a reply

best wishes x

TMoose

Speaking of which I'm now clean (again) for 16days. It's payday on Friday, so I'm heading over to the OH's to distract me.

SSM - it does get easier. But the key is to fill the void. I'm not very good at it - hence my recent posts - but work has dropped me a lifeline in the form of a huge new project. I still focus on each day at a time - hence the exact count. I try to get 1 day, 1 weekend, 5 days, 1 week, 10days, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 25days... and so forth. Setting small, noticable, goals works for me.

Good luck, and feel free to post here when you feel tempted.

skint,single_mum_of_4

Hi its day 3 of not gambling (oh and day 7 of not smoking ) forgot to tell you i'd given up the fags too !
Gave up smoking because my son has started and i feel like a hypocrite telling him not too when i was smoking 10-20 a day !

i'm finding it hard to fill the void caused by gambling,ive been really fidgety,thinking about it a lot.
Today was hard as i finish work early on mondays so i can usually get a few games in b4 kids get home from school,i came home and felt at a loss.I had tons of housework to do just wasn't interested,had to get out so went to Asda and read some magazines & a cuppa in the cafe to kill 2 hours,kids were in when i got home.Eastenders / Corrie and Hells kitchen tonight (lol what a sad life ) so that will take mind of it then that's today done with :j

I sit now and think about all the wasted hours/days/months sat in front of the laptop..zombified !

Gambling has drained me of ambition & energy

Had a lovely pm from a lady in similar situation to me and she gave me a great idea..COMPETIONS !...done a couple already,this should keep me occupied abit and...i might even win :eek:

GeorgeUK

If i didn't live with my folks, i might have tried competitions, but i doubt they'd be too impressed with all the junk mail

Glad to hear you're doing well and having a think about what it has done to you. Once you figure out how to avoid it on the bad days, even just getting it out of your mind can be a struggle, then you're definately on the road to recovery.

I still spend too much time in front of the computer, but weaning myself off that too. Gambling isn't too much of a problem for me now temptation wise, but any time i start thinking about how i wish i had more money or was able to buy something i need to push that out and think of something else. Even small things like that can get me thinking about gambling - not necessarily doing it but just thinking about it is still enough for me to push my panic button and i need to do something else or be somewhere else, even if only for a few moments.

And try not to beat your self up too much about this. You are dealing with the problem and that's the most anyone could hope for. Take it one day at a time and after a while you will be out of the habit of going to your computer to gamble. Once that happens, the temptation should lessen - part of the problem is repetition and routine.

Keep plugging away.
We're proud of what you've achieved so far.