getting married and ive had the biggest argument .....

flowerscotland

rchddap1 wrote: »

Congratulations on setting the date.

Lil was only 4lb 13 when she was born so although she wasn't as dinky as many the illness really hit her hard. However, she is turning out to be a little toad. Doctors gave us an awful prognosis, but so far she is defying all expectations. When you see them hooked up to all sorts of gadgets and gizmos and fighting for their very survival it gives you a good reminder about what is really important. Or it did us.

So focus on that....the happiness of your family....and enjoying yourselves next year. If they come round, they come round.

aww bless her :A I agree TOTALLY when you see your children fighting and hooked up to all those beeping machines it really puts things into perspective doesnt it life is very precious. My lo was 3lb 6oz, she looked like a little skinned chicken when she was born ! The docs said to me she may not make it, from the moment she was born, then they said these 24 hours are crucial, and the first night I just held onto her photo and cried, but she did make it, she stunned the docs and nurses from the first few days of her life, she did so well.

Sending you loads of hugs, and strength to deal with the many up and coming hospital apps, I am sure your little one will stun the hospital staff too

flowerscotland

duchy wrote: »

Coming to this a bit late but have something I'd like to share.
I too am the oldest and it seemed whatever I did -wasn't good enough. If I passed an exam-why didn't I get a distinction , if I bought something-there would be fault to find or someone else had got a better deal, new job-probably not up to it blah blah. I grew up feeling -not good enough- due to my Mother's attitude and it hurt and continued to do so in adulthood.
My Mum ended up living with me due to ill health and one day I bounced in the house with some good news -and got slapped down as usual-but for once I didn't take it. I turned on her and asked why she always did it-she tried to brush it off-I wouldn't give up-I gave her examples and said I was sick of it and needed to know why......eventually she looked at me silently for what seemed like the longest time and then slowly said "I never realized I did it to you-but that's exactly how MY mother treated me-and I am so sorry"
We then had a long talk about my grandmother who I never knew (died when i was a baby) and I finally understood. I'll always carry some scars from that time and feel not good enough but I at least know now why and that it isn't me.
Have your wedding -just the way you want (and can afford) to have it. Don't involve your parents in the organization (unless they offer) but DO send them an invitation-up to them if they accept or not but don't let their bitterness or thoughtlessness spoil your day. Also it gives them a way of attending the wedding without losing face-which might be important to them.

thank you, i totally understand what you are saying about your mum, I feel like everytime I tell her something she turns her nose up to me, like Im not good enough, I tried to start to say that last night but I think there were too many people in the room as everyone was shouting and arguing. I know the reason my dad behaves the way he does, which is due to him being treated very badly when he was a child, but the hurt he felt why does he want to make others feel like that ? There is loads of stuff I could say, but I wont go into, but I am soooo conscious of behaving in that manner towards my daughters and making them feel hurt, there is no way I will do it to them. I always have their feelings as first priority, which is part of being a parent isnt it

I think you are right I will continue to plan my wedding in the way I want it, and they will be invited, if they dont come then it will hurt me so much, but I will carry on, as its about me oh and my two dds.

floss2

duchy wrote: »

......Have your wedding -just the way you want (and can afford) to have it. Don't involve your parents in the organization (unless they offer) but DO send them an invitation-up to them if they accept or not but don't let their bitterness or thoughtlessness spoil your day. Also it gives them a way of attending the wedding without losing face-which might be important to them.

Duchy, that was a lovely thing to say - :T

Floss x