getting married and ive had the biggest argument .....

flowerscotland

with my family when i told them i was thinking of booking next august. We were thinking about running away and doing it because I knew this would happen, I have 2 children, aged 6 and 4, and they think im a hypocrite for having a wedding. But I will not have many pics of memories and wont be able to share it with friends so we decided to break the news.

We want a small registry office with only close close family and a party at night with a buffet where we can invite more of our friends, to celebrate really.

I went over to see them today after telling my mum yesterday and it all ended in a screaming much with dad saying Im making a C*&^ of myself and that I am F&^%N idiot !!!! My sis, who is younger and was recently a bridesmaid for a smallish wedding, said I dont know what Im talking about and that we should run away and she will meet me in the brewers fayre after it.

My mum said Im not giving her much time to save up, when me and oh have already said we dont want any money from them, she said she wont be able to have a holiday next year now, that I should give her more time, and why am I getting married now anyway as me and OH have been together 10 years and its stupid, we should carry on the way we are.

Iam so upset about this, everyone else we have told are so happy for us, Ohs parents are really happy with OH mum looking for an outfit already.

I ended up walking out with dad ond oh nearly fighting :eek: I said Im sorry I havent been able to measure up to your standards, and left.

I am just so gutted about this, do we plan and have the wedding next Aug, can we manage it cheaply ? I just dont know what to do now.

I was on here earlier today really happy reading through all the posts, and advice everyone has given, and now I feel just rubbish.

Thanks for listening, I hope some of you have been thru similar and can offer me some advice

x x x

skylight

Well. Firstly CONGRATULATIONS!!!! If you and OH want to wed, then thats up to you, so congratulations.

Yes, you can manage it very cheaply if you want to and you go ahead and do what you like. They will come round eventually. Why do you think they are like this then?

Rikki

Wow......I don't quite know what to say.

Have a ((((hug)))) for a start.

I would just let the situation calm down before its mentioned again. I wonder if its just come as a bit of a shock to them. ( I know you've been together ten years) Maybe this wasn't a conversation they were expecting from you and its thrown them a little off balance.

I would carry on with your plans as if your parents are okay with the idea as I 'm sure they will come round to the idea and realise twelve months is a long time away. As you've said your not expecting them to pay in the traditional way but they seem to have missed that and are panicing unecessarily.

taxi97w

If your parents are attempting to put obstacles in the way of your marriage and being difficult:, logically it would be because they doesnt want you to marry him/yet.

flowerscotland

skylight wrote: »

Well. Firstly CONGRATULATIONS!!!! If you and OH want to wed, then thats up to you, so congratulations.

Yes, you can manage it very cheaply if you want to and you go ahead and do what you like. They will come round eventually. Why do you think they are like this then?

thank you, i have no idea why they are like this, but anything i do is never good enough for them, i am the oldest of four and constantly getting compared to other peoples children all my life like we were never good enough.

He thinks Im a hypocrite for getting married after Ive had kids.

flowerscotland

Rikki wrote: »

Wow......I don't quite know what to say.

Have a ((((hug)))) for a start.

I would just let the situation calm down before its mentioned again. I wonder if its just come as a bit of a shock to them. ( I know you've been together ten years) Maybe this wasn't a conversation they were expecting from you and its thrown them a little off balance.

I would carry on with your plans as if your parents are okay with the idea as I 'm sure they will come round to the idea and realise twelve months is a long time away. As you've said your not expecting them to pay in the traditional way but they seem to have missed that and are panicing unecessarily.

thank you, i think you are right, i dont think they expected it, but its only now we feel ready as in money wise and other things like that, we got engaged less than a year ago, and they laughed at me then too :rolleyes:

shellsuit

If I were you, I'd plan your wedding as you intended.

Take no notice of your parents, they have no right to bring you down or interfere on what should be one, if not THE, most happiest day of your life.

And to be honest, if my Dad spoke to me like that, I wouldn't bloody invite him, nor my Mum either!

So what if you have been together for 10 years, so what if you already have 2 children. They should be happy for you, not speak to you like crap and tell you, you are doing something wrong.

flowerscotland

shellsuit wrote: »

If I were you, I'd plan your wedding as you intended.

Take no notice of your parents, they have no right to bring you down or interfere on what should be one, if not THE, most happiest day of your life.

And to be honest, if my Dad spoke to me like that, I wouldn't bloody invite him, nor my Mum either!

So what if you have been together for 10 years, so what if you already have 2 children. They should be happy for you, not speak to you like crap and tell you, you are doing something wrong.

thank you, they make me think there is something wrong with me, that I have got it all wrong, that maybe they are right, but I try and not let what they do or say worry me, I used to take it all to heart so much, and I still do a bit, but not as much.

I said to them there is no way I am going to apologise for having two beautiful daughters.

shellsuit

flowerscotland wrote: »

thank you, they make me think there is something wrong with me, that I have got it all wrong, that maybe they are right, but I try and not let what they do or say worry me, I used to take it all to heart so much, and I still do a bit, but not as much.

I said to them there is no way I am going to apologise for having two beautiful daughters.

There is something wrong, but it is with them, not you!

flowerscotland

shellsuit wrote: »

There is something wrong, but it is with them, not you!

thank you that means a lot, it really does

Incisor

Yeah, congrats. I'm happy for you! You've been together 10 years, [ok, a bit long!] and you have made up your minds. Live long and prosper!