Am I really such a cow?

bestpud

RebekahR wrote: »

Yes this is my real dad. He still goes over to see my mother! He is as weak as they come. He moved all her stuff over for her, halved all the bank money she demanded, gave everything to her she wanted from the house that was a huge long list. Basically he is suffering now for what he did to me and he is only 53 ...

I don't need to worry about my mum ringing me lol! That would involve her spending money! A cheap text every few months is more than enough to her! A phone call would break the bank ... never ever recieved one once from her.
They would never just turn up on the doorstep either. They don't believe in coming or even asking to come, she expects to be invited only.

"And all that Daddy business? Bloody creepy."
That was the 1st thing that alerted me to how bad he was! This was on the first occassion we ever met! And he insists on smothering us with hugs all the time. Dead scary ...!!

Thank you all for your help. Its been fab just having some other insights and to give me the strength I need to deal with this. Hugs to all xx

So your real dad allowed this man to keep him in a shopping centre way over the time they should have been with you and, while he was quick to come and tell you how it was all this other bloke's fault, he didn't manage to pick up a phone and let you know what was happening earlier?

And he abused you, not this other guy?

If your mum is being abused by this bloke (because it would be domestic abuse if he is controlling her!) then it will not be easy for her to leave. She likely loves him despite it - a bit like you and your dad.

However, it seems to me this bloke is caught in a battle between you and your mum and dad, and he is in a no win situation tbh. Perhaps he is as bad as you say but really, I think the issues precede him and he may be getting the blame for you mum's inability to be the parent you want her to be - it really isn't his fault if she is just not ideal mother material. Are you sure he isn't just the scape-goat?

Was she ever anything like the kind of mum you would like? That a rhetorical question btw. Some mum's don't do all the things you want yours to do - mine doesn't, as I said earlier. Perhaps you need to accept this (not easy to do though, I know).

I may be wrong of course.

Have you had counselling yourself?