am i being too hard

Paparika

As from now just do your thing as if you lived alone,

if her washing doesn't get done tough
if the she's hungry, tough

what would she do if you weren't around?

CB1979_2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

How very strange! I know that if I were inviting someone for dinner I'd ask them if they were vegetarian or had any allergies but I wouldn't expect them to run their personal preferencies past me!

it's not a personal preference i just hate fish, it's not a choice, i really wish i could eat fish! lol

people who know me, wouldn't try and force food i didn't like on me, surely the point of asking someone round for dinner would be so you can all have a meal together that you'd enjoy??

therefore "chris, i was going to do salmon, you have any qualms with that?"
"well actually I don't like salmon, i'll just have the potatoes and veg"
"ah nah that's fine, what about...... to go with it instead?"

or would your convo go "chris, i was doing salmon I know you don't like it, but tough. I'll see you saturday" lol

Oldernotwiser

CB1979 wrote: »

it's not a personal preference i just hate fish, it's not a choice, i really wish i could eat fish! lol

people who know me, wouldn't try and force food i didn't like on me, surely the point of asking someone round for dinner would be so you can all have a meal together that you'd enjoy??

therefore "chris, i was going to do salmon, you have any qualms with that?"
"well actually I don't like salmon, i'll just have the potatoes and veg"
"ah nah that's fine, what about...... to go with it instead?"

or would your convo go "chris, i was doing salmon I know you don't like it, but tough. I'll see you saturday" lol

I don't think that when I've been invited round to somebody's house for dinner I've ever known what I was going to eat until it appeared in front of me. That's surely one of the pleasures of going out to dinner, isn't it? Obviously really good friends would know if someone loathed fish and wouldn't serve it but lots of times when you're invited out for dinner you don't know the people that well.

I rather assumed that the OP's daughter didn't have a life long hatred of fish, or the OP would naturally not have bought the salmon. My take on it was that the little madam was just being arsey about it and fancied something else on the day. That seems far more likely!

Northern_girl_2

No you're not being hard on her at all. She's 21 and should be more than capable of taking responsibility for herself. Once I started university I was more than able to look after myself both financially and with housework - although there were inevitably tensions sharing chores with housemates we pretty much had a fair system of getting everything done. I would have wanted to make sure I was contributing fairly if I had moved back home too.

Although I must admit when I did vist my parents I was spoilt rotten, all my favourite meals cooked etc but I only went back for a couple of weeks a year and they wanted to treat me.

Beerworshipper

Hey Shopaholicnot,

I know it can be difficult having the 'nest' partly full again. She's probably feeling the adjustment just as much as you. However, I do tend to agree with the rest of the sentiment on these posts. She's old enough to take responsibility for her own actions (or inactions).

I think the best way to look at it is not to see her as your daughter or your child, look at the situation as another adult sharing your space, If this other adult was a partner or husband would you put up with the lack of tolerance being shown, how would you deal with it in that situation???

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, oh and enjoy the salmon, yum.

sparrer

Auntie-Dolly wrote: »

If you aren't getting in from work until 9pm why on earth doesn't she have a meal ready for you? She's 21, not 12!

What a lazy little madam - she wouldn't last 5 minutes in my home!

At 10 years old I was letting myself in the house after school (a 'latch-key kid' but as I didn't know what one was it didn't affect me ) and prepping the veg for dinner while my mother worked full time. At 12 I was cooking the dinner, doing my laundry, cleaning my room and the hall/stairs/landing and mowing the lawn. My tasks and I didn't question why I had to do them, fairness and family was taught and respected.

My children have never had the 'luxury' of sitting on their a*ses while I worked, nor do they treat their own children as little princes/princesses.

It's never too late, painful though the first few days will be, for her to learn under your guidance how to be an equal member of the family rather than act like a priviledge to have in your home.

Re the salmon...can I come for lunch? :rotfl:

Lunar_Eclipse

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

How very strange! I know that if I were inviting someone for dinner I'd ask them if they were vegetarian or had any allergies but I wouldn't expect them to run their personal preferencies past me!

I don't think it's that strange, but I also think it depends how many preferences one has. For instance, DH (only) dislikes mushrooms and prawns. Although he will eat both instead of rejecting them and being rude, but I would still tell a host he dislikes them if asked. I do this more for the host than my hubbie tbh, because on the occasions when I am the host, I would hate to serve up the two things in the world that made a guest feel like gagging.:o

I don't eat red meat and always feel awkward about telling a (new) host. Although I have no logical reason for this feeling.