am I going mad? please help

rosie-lee

Oh my heart really goes out to you - YOU ARE NOT MAD, you have recognised what you are doing, and you have recognised that what you are doing is out of the 'normal behaviour' range and you have taken a brave step on here to seek advice. You sound to me like a usually rational, strong person who is having some problems at the moment.

There will be some underlying reason why your behaviour has become like this. Not necessarily serious, (not meaning to imply medical but perhaps you are more concerned about something than you think you are)but something that, with help you will be able to sort out and get under control.

There was a great thread in the MS Arms taking a great tongue in cheek approach to OCD behaviour. I liked it because it illustrated just how many of us have odd little ways that we are too scared to deviate from for fear of losing control or something bad happening.

I had a CBT therapist who assured me that a person who has recognised that their behaviour is becoming controlling has every chance of overcoming it.

My very best wishes to you and I wish you strength to take the next step and feel confident that you will be so glad you did.

ailuro2

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=13042693#post13042693

is the thread Rosie Lee was talking about - yes, we all have our little foibles, as I said before, when they start to affect daily living then that is the time to bring them back under control.

When is your GP appointment? Is it soon? Fingers crossed for you. (that's a hugely popular thing that people do to bring good luck, but do we realise it probably has no significance whatsoever?:D)

monitorsit

How are you Felicia?

purplepurple

How did it go at the doctor's Felicia?

yoni_one

My heart goes out to you Felicia, and to anyone living with the feeling they are going bonkers, and the anxiety and panic that goes with it.

The irony with these illnesses is that they start out of a need to have control over something and end up taking control over you (or feeling that way). Earlier in this thread Felicia said this happened just as everything was starting to go well and I believe this is no coincidence.

In a nutshell, as horrid as it can be when things are not going well, you at least know where you stand with it and develop coping strategies to deal with it. BUT when things get better it can feel like you have no control over it staying better and the fear of losing it can be overwhelming. So to reduce the risk of losing the good stuff you develop a strategy to help you at least feel in control of something while the going is good but then begin to feel reliant on that strategy and then panic kicks in because you no longer have control over your coping strategy.

When the above happens the good news is that you have already demonstrated you have the skill to take control so you know it is in you. The other good news is that there is support available to help you get back there.

The difficulty is accessing the support when the barriers are so enormous, ie a complete inability to access it via the ordinary route. The solution rests in looking at what you can do. Felicia, you have found you are able to communicate anonymously online, congratulations on finally finding a medium you can reach out to, I know it will have taken enormous courage to take this step and now that you have, and found that you are not only accepted by others, you have also found you are not alone.

It is a highly important step on the road to recovery, and reading this thread it would seem that you have also inspired others to take further steps in their own journey to recovery.

The support is available and you know you best of all, and the good thing is you are allowed to take those steps at your own pace.

I wish you well in taking back that control and simply enjoying the good times as you deserve.