am I going mad? please help

Felicia

Not sure where tpost this so if in wrong place I apologise. Have read many threads but this is my first posting.

I think I am going mad or at least am very depressed and lonely.

I am in a good relationship, lovely partner, in debt but we are in control of that. Always skint but who isn't and anyway I have everything I want.

My main problem is linked to the fact that everyday I walk to work - its about 15-20 mins - usually a nice walk if not raining.

Except a game I used to play has now gotten in control of me.
I can't stand in cracks, allow cars to pass me when in a shadow eg from a tree. A few days ago it took ages to get to work because the traffic was busy and I can't allow more tahn a certain amount of cars to pass me within a set distance. There are so many rules its so tiring and to list them would take ages.

I cannot understand why I am doing in this. Its tiring but I cannot stop.
I got into a panic attack today because a double decker bus passed me and the shadow of it went over my foot.

I feel like I am going mad and cannot talk to anyone about this including my partner and family. I tried the samaritans but I couldn't speak to them.

Not sure why I am trying on here but I read this forum a lot and people seem friendly.

GFN123

Hi Felicia

I didn't want to read and run.

Firstly, you're not mad

I am not a doctor and cannot diagnose what the issue is, but from what you have written it sounds like you suffer from depression. It can manifest itself in many ways, and for you it sounds like severe anxiety and obsessive behaviour.

Before I had heard the term "depression" I used to believe I was insane too. Depression can be a very complex thing and for me it was the darkest period of my life, and I had such irrational thoughts I genuinely believed I was mad. I couldn't talk to anyone, I thought no one would take me seriously or I would be sectioned. It genuinely wasn't until I read about depression on the net some years later I realised it's what I suffered from.

The best person you can talk to is your GP, if you feel able to. Your GP should be very understanding and can offer all sorts of help. Mental illness is just like any other illness (and is treatable), but can be so hard to deal with and understand as it is 'unseen' (unlike a broken leg for example).

If you feel you cannot go to your GP just yet, I would be happy to listen if you want to chat. I promise I don't bite! I can appreciate what you're going through as have been there myself and if you want a friendly, anonymous ear then please feel free to PM me

foreversomeday

Hi, it sounds like the symptoms of OCD. The first thing you have to realise is that you are not alone, there are lots of people suffering from it all over the world! The really great thing is you have taken the step to speak to somebody - even if it is an anonymous internet forum. Well done for getting this far - it's a huge hurdle.

Have a look at this website:
http://www.ocduk.org/
and look at all the links on the left side of the page. The next logical step would be to make an appointment to see your GP, but if you feel you can't do this, finding information online is a good step to take.

Take it one step at a time, you have made huge progress by posting on here which means you can and will get better and cope with this.

Hugs! Good luck and let us know how you get on.

smileykylie_2

Hi felicia

you are very brave for posting here
if you feel comfortable I think you need to see your Gp as soon as you can being really honest with him/her about how you are feeling and what you are going. you will probably need a referral to someone more specialist but this is a start.
maybe have a look at a website like the one below
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/ocdaction/index.asp

good luck with taking the next step.

sparklymessygirl

Hi there Felicia - poor love, you must be running ragged with anxiety!

I agree that is sounds like obsessive compulsive behaviour and if you have a sympathetic GP you could go and see them. An alternative if you don't want to speak to your GP would be to go and see a CB Therapist (cognitive behavioural) therapist - this kind of behaviour is right up their street - I wish you lived near me because I could recommend a fabulous person. Let me know if you need help in finding one,

Best wishes
Sparkly

Felicia

Thank you for the replies. I tried to make an appointment win my Dr but couldn't go through with it. this has been going at for at least 2 years but has gotten worse over the last few months,

The silly thing is in regards to everything in my life I am pretty much ok and happy. A lot of things are now starting to go really right for once but this is getting worse. Sometimes I really scare myself with it

Felicia

find it fairly easiest to write on this but speaking to someone is so much harder. I am in tears as writing this as just don't know how to step doing this ridiculous game like thing that isn't a game anymore

GFN123

I have sent you a PM, Felicia

It took me over 10 years to get the courage to speak to someone (a counsellor). My only regret is I didn't do it much sooner. You CAN be helped, you are not mad, but the problem won't go away on it's own. You may not feel up to talking to a GP just yet, but keep it in mind as they really will be able to give you some good advice when you're ready.

thatgirlsam

hi felicia - bless you its very brave to post, and to seek help which in itself shows you will overcome this..
is there a different way you could walk to work, or get a bus or a taxi.. i know this will not cure a long term problem but could be a start..
please also tell your GP, its a lot more common than you think
x

Smashing

Felicia, if you hear nothing from the rest of this post, hear this - you are not going mad. You are experiencing symptoms of an illness that CAN be treated and which many GP's will have come across before. It's not silly - no matter how fantastic your life may appear to other people, you can still be suffering. You do not have to be experiencing some kind of external tragedy to be able to justify having difficulties. It's not about being ungrateful for what you have, it's not about all those people who 'have it worse' than you and seem to have a reason for feeling awful and therefore you should just shut up and get on with it.

Your feelings are valid, this is affecting the quality of your life and and that's reason enough to seek help. There are people out there who can help you, but you have to be willing to ask for it. It's terrifying, but so very necessary.

Write it down if you have to - print off this post and bring it to your doctor. Do not censor yourself - it's not about what's right and wrong and what's ok for you to feel.

You don't have to feel like this.

Errata

Hello Felicia, you might find this website helpful http://www.nopanic.org.uk/enterframepage.htm