want to end marriage

sassybooboos

thanks for all the advice.

im leaving because i no longer have any feelings for him and haven't for at least 2 years, but have tried to keep it going for the sake of my child. but i have decided i can't keep the pretence up for the rest of my life, as it feels like my life is over already and im only in my thirties. (two years ago when i tried to end the marriage he talked me round and i agreed to try again, but there is just nothing there anymore, and im making him miserable because im miserable.)

i will go and see citizen advice, as i dont think there is much chance of selling the house in this present climate.

ideally i would like to go back to where my family are from but i couldn't live with them cause they would drive me mad.

thanks for all your comments i have taken them on board.

Pssst

I notice you say "my child" and i presume this was just a slip as in fact you are both parents with equal rights. Council housing would not be an option as it is a scarce resource and you already have a home. The bottom line could be that you continue living there and he moves out and provides adequate financial support as he is duty bound to do...or you move out and he stays...or you both share the house but not your lives. Complicated isnt it? anyway,you both have a legal right to reside in the home and he is obliged to provide financial support for his child.

pange

lauren_1 wrote: »

You don't need to be on income support to claim Housing Benefit and/or Council Tax Benefit

Yes, i know but many seem to think you can only get HB on a coucil property, i also pointed out that she may be better off working 16 hours this will entitle her to maximum everything including housing benefit, keep her maintainance and also help with childcare costs.


Having a young child does not mean you can not work.

No it doesnt but it makes life twice as difficult compared to those who haven't!

i think the last thing that young child would need is for the remaining full-time parent to go out to work and leave them with someone else!

lauren_1

pange wrote: »

No it doesnt but it makes life twice as difficult compared to those who haven't!

i think the last thing that young child would need is for the remaining full-time parent to go out to work and leave them with someone else!

It would entitle her to it and as for the kids maybe being in an enviroment with other children for a few hours a day may be beneficial especially during this stressfull time......just because she has a kid is no excuse why she cant work.

treets

sassybooboos wrote: »

Have known for last 2 years that ive wanted out, but i have come to the point now that ive got to end the marriage, cant go on with it any longer.

as council tenants get everything paid for if on income support, would i be better giving up the home and trying to get council home.(not sure if i would be entitled)

By all means end your relationship if thats what you need (rather than want) to do, but why assume that the state (ie me and others) will support you?
Would you be so ready to do this if you could not rely on others to feed, clothe and house you and your child?
I'll probably get a load of abuse from others on this site, but before you post, and give me a load of grief, try and consider my points.

fish10

The CAB will not only give you all the info you need on benefits, housing and basic legal rights re your current property but they can also do 'better off' calculations re being on benefits and part time work. On a personal note, unless you have a strong friends support group locally I'd definitely recommend you move close to your family. Good luck!

sassybooboos

treets wrote: »

By all means end your relationship if thats what you need (rather than want) to do, but why assume that the state (ie me and others) will support you?
Would you be so ready to do this if you could not rely on others to feed, clothe and house you and your child?
I'll probably get a load of abuse from others on this site, but before you post, and give me a load of grief, try and consider my points.

Everyone at some point in their lives need help and i actually wanted to know what my options were. (lets hope you never have any problems) or maybe you have!!!!!!!!!!! (just not realised yet).

I am planning to get my own home and i will work and pay for everything once my child is at school. i have always worked but its very difficult when you have got a child to look after ( im sure you are thinking should never of had child then).

MRS_TO_BE_2

treets wrote: »

By all means end your relationship if thats what you need (rather than want) to do, but why assume that the state (ie me and others) will support you?
Would you be so ready to do this if you could not rely on others to feed, clothe and house you and your child?
I'll probably get a load of abuse from others on this site, but before you post, and give me a load of grief, try and consider my points.

Lets hope you never found yourself in the OP situation. The welfare state was set up to support people in times of need. Yes they are people would rely on it too much and some who abuse it. However at the moment the OP is stuck in a unhappy relationship that she herself admits she has tried to make work. She therefore needs the help and support of the welfare system so she can get herself back on her feet.

Before you are so judgemental perhaps you would like to consider her position.

Also once the OP is settled she may then be able to consider finding herself employment as I do believe that even people with young children can work (I do and so do alot of my single girlfriends) However until her basic needs are met then she will be unabnle to consider this

msmicawber

Would your husband be able or willing to continue to pay the mortgage so that you and your child could stay in the house after he moves out? If not, then you'd have to look for a flat or small house to rent (council properties are very few and far between and there's a very long waiting list for them). You could then apply for housing and council tax benefits. Assuming you're not working at first, you'd also need to apply for income support. These are all means tested benefits, so any maintenance you receive from your ex would have to be declared and taken into account. I wonder whether it wouldn't be best to institute divorce proceedings first. It would be a good idea to speak to a solicitor about that.

Lunar_Eclipse

MRS_TO_BE wrote: »

The welfare state was set up to support people in times of need.

Before you are so judgemental perhaps you would like to consider her position.

I have no issue whatsoever with the OP's decision and potential support from the Welfare State. Sorry I have no practical advice beyond that already given, except to be as sure as you can before doing anything.

However I think it is fair to say that people will have a differing opinion on "times of need". Thus falling out of love, as appears to be the case here, may not fall into that category for some. There is "no need" for the OP to become homeless, since one (financially preferable) option is that they all remain living together for a while, albeit in a separated sense. Not ideal obviously. So I can see it being fair comment and not judgmental in questioning this tbh.

I suppose it all depends on where the line is drawn. And naturally people will draw it in different places. I am quite sure age & experience plays a part too, since my Grandmother's definition will be somewhat different to mine for starters, having lived through WWs, with rations & practically nothing.