Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

As for IS I have told them he's paying his wages in for now & what it will be once his wages dept have sorted things.
I'll get what I get I'll just have to manage.
I spent just over £80 on myself, & as I really can't wear my clothes they're old & were loose already, I'm 2 stone lighter than I was last year after losing Mum & all this, so I've been walking around looking like a tramp in oversized clothes already! now it's just imposible to keep my jeans up, I've got a belt around them & they look like a sack:o

gerturdeanna

My jeans are the same - can pull them down without undoing the zip or button or anything!!
Must buy some more soon!!
Come in handy when I'm dying for a wee though!!
I'm logging off for a while cos I really need to do some housework!!

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH - that's a turn up for the books - you ok?
Gert - can't hubby give you a bit of dosh to tide you over?
My money is in a complete mess at the moment, i don't know what I'm doing! I used to know to the penny what was happening.

scottishfreebiehunter

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Who your ex or the mortgage people?!?!?

ex :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: oh and mortgage people feel sorry for me to,poor women didnt know what to say other week there:rotfl:

I just want ds to be okay ,as teacher been back on and keeping eye on him rest of day


oh and tried to sort out face book and now sent link to complete strangers in address book,OMG sent it to the s l ut and competitions i have entered that saved address oh dear oh dear:rotfl::rotfl:

SuziQ

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

The reason I don't want him buying clothes is he used money he could have topped his phone up with to call his children!
Also whilst away - he had all food etc paid for in his job, but spent £700 in 4 & 1/2 months when he hardly went ashore, so was obviously taking the moose out for meals - paying for hotels whilst ashore etc, while me & the kids had £50 a week for everything.
I haven't bought myself hardly anything the whole time he was away, my clothes are all old - he came home & bought loads of clothes to take back - for moose to see him in I expect - he also threw out perfectly good jeans as the pockets had holes in - sew them up lazy git!
as for not spending on himself - sorry you've got the wrong end of the stick - since this he hasn't but he is the spendthrift & acts like a spoilt brat until I give in.
You won't get flamed by me - you've just reminded me of yet more of his character flaws;)

Sorry Kizzy,but I am just trying to get you to see a different perspective. I don't think for one moment he will contnue to let you control the money. Also,what happened before regarding money really isn't relevant to your current situation.

If he was a TOTAL git like the husband of one of my friends,he would have removed all of is wages on payday and left you in dire straits like he did-she had literally nothing,and it was him that left for another woman,she was like you,very much the wronged wife.She had to borrow money off us all just to buy food and almost had a nervous breakdown whilst waiting for benefits to kick in.

I am only trying to advise you that if you are more reasonable with him and don't take too much control of the money he may continue your current arrangement longer. On the other hand,if he feels he has no control over his finances at all he may quickly think 's*d this' and take TOTAL control.He may start to feel he is being treated like a child-and we all know how they rebel! Yes he is being terribly immature in his actions and sems not to have come to his senses yet but he won't want to acknowledge that! (He looks like a duck,quacks like a duck-he is a duck,but in his head he's a stud at the moment!)

You are both in a state of flux and trying to find a new way of living,and in his case that must also mean having money,mis-spending it until he gets his sensible hat back on-but he is entitled to a life no matter how badly he has behaved.


I think I had better bow out of this thread. When you have been through it twice,and have watched others going through this it is very difficult not to try to inject some reality in,but of course your situation is totally individual,you WILL make mistakes-as I did and continue to do!-but experience tells me that if a man doesn't get some control over his situation in an amicable way he will be twice as nasty when the real nitty-gritty of divorce and division of property gets underway.

I watched my ex fight for 3 hours in court over an American fridge freezer just because he didn't want his ex to get it.

He could have bought a brand new one twice over for what it cost in court and solicitor fees! And as I pointed out to him-we had a perfectly good freezer!He just decided to fight her for it cos she wanted it -he didn;t get it by the way! He got an old laura ashley suite,a range cooker (which was fab and I am still using)a couple of light fittings she smashed before giving him and the juke box and guitars which he owned before he knew her.

I have offered him anything from here that he wants,have made it clear that he can genuinely take anything anytime,and he has so far asked for nothing-but knows he can. If I had done that in my first marriage break up,I would have saved a lot of argument and grief-he didn't really want the stuff,but felt agrieved that I was still in the house with the kids. I think that is a natural reaction up to a point-yes he made the choice to leave (had been very ill and had a mid life crisis,decided familiy life was not for him!)but my solicitor pointed out that he had a right to his portion of the home and contents and that money-wise he had an obligation only towards his half of the mortgage and to comply with the CSA (which he never did-self-employed!)

Once I decided enough was enough I never touched our joint account again,applied for benefits and just struggled until the benfits came through. I didn't want to take anything off him-it was very very important to me to feel independant from him,and apart from the mortgage and a debt I feel is his (which so far I am having to pay)I really don't care if I get nothing from him-having been through that before I know I will survive.I have nothing to spend on me,but it is worth it for the peace of mind of being shut of him!

Anyhow I wish you and all the other ladies luck and really really hope for a happy conclusion to your current circumstances. Just be very kind to yourselves and never underestimate the effects of grief and how long those effects can resurface.

kizzykizzywizzy

Don't go SuziQ - you've been there done that got the T-shirt! We need your input & I must say people have said to me don't do that don't phone don't this & that at the time you think you know best you look back & think - why did I do that!:p
But honestly I haven't stopped him having any money - he has punished himself, by not taking any! He will only have £59 a week anyway
The point was he had £64 from his mum saturday which would've been for kids shoes, which I said you have so you don't have to go to the bank. He then instead of topping his phone up, so he could keep in touch with kids - spent it on a jacket, when he has one & also a coat!
It's been a really nice day here today & now for some reason - thunder!

scottishfreebiehunter

:rotfl::rotfl:oh dear keep me away from pc
managed to change email address as had used google mail one phew do not want that s l u t near my stuff lol,will suss it all out later

right going to cut grass back soon,trying and get it down a few inches more

Kizzy have a great time laterxxxxxxxx

elona

Throws dummy out of pram and wails "I wanna see pictures of the moose and the slag!!"

"Snot fair!" Stamps feet!!!! lol - joking!

Does anyone else think "the moose and the slag" sounds like a cartoon double act or do I just have a nasty mind?

trancebabe

elona wrote: »

Throws dummy out of pram and wails "I wanna see pictures of the moose and the slag!!"

"Snot fair!" Stamps feet!!!! lol - joking!

Does anyone else think "the moose and the slag" sounds like a cartoon double act or do I just have a nasty mind?

LOL... gotta be honest but I'm a bit curious too!!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Well eyebrows plucked, nails painted facemask off, hoovered tidied dusted, so looks ok, don't want it to look like I've made an effort though;)
Left DD's room, he can help her tidy that, I just never ever get it nice before she messes it up again.
Meeting DFS up the school at 3pm, so that will be it for me on here, unless I pop on here whilst he takes DD to beavers
Going to ring Sis & see how she is, she seems to be getting better:T
byeeeee