Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Computer went down earlier, now trying to reply & can't get it to work!!!!
Getting hair done for ME & if it makes him think - all the better.
Of course I want him back, who am I kidding, but if it doesn't happen it doesn't, I need to look good to get back on the market!!

kizzykizzywizzy

sorry to double post, but computer is going mad!!
Will be off now as he will be here soon, have a great day Gert & SFH & Kassy & all you other lovely ladies & men!! x

Rikki

tesuhoha wrote: »

kizzy

I think you are making a mistake going on this trip with him. Can you truly and honestly look deep into your heart and say that you are not still hoping for some kind of reconciliation? Its great that you're having your hair done, but reading between the lines of what you've written about him loving you blonde, it seems that you're doing it for his benefit, not yours. Once again can you look deep into your heart and say honestly and truly that you are not still trying to attract him, change his mind? Please be honest to yourself and what you are trying to achieve on this trip.

I totally agree.

You are leaving yourself wide open.
He gets to play happy families and you get nothing. What do you think he's going to be like when she gets back? Not friendly like this I can assure you

I really can't understand why you let him act like this and you just seem to lap it up. You are playing the victim. You are stronger and better than this.

Juneno

Rikki wrote: »

I totally agree.

You are leaving yourself wide open.
He gets to play happy families and you get nothing. What do you think he's going to be like when she gets back? Not friendly like this I can assure you

I really can't understand why you let him act like this and you just seem to lap it up. You are playing the victim. You are stronger and better than this.

While I see what you mean, I don't see Kizzy being at that point yet. She is getting there though and one day she'll be kicking his !!!!! into touch without a second thought!
Just now, I would do the same thing - I'd get my hair done, for me primarily, but it certainly doesn't hurt if it makes him look and remember what attracted him in the first place but what he's thrown away. It would make ME feel good to see his face.
I agree, the trip isn't perhaps a good idea but she could make it work to her advantage - I know I would I'd make sure I was all the things that attracted him in the first place and then, if there were any advances made, tell him I'm firmly off limits which was his choice after all.
Couples obviously do go through this and some get back together but it surely must be as different people to what they were originally? It may not work out with the moose after all, but I don't think Kizzy will just welcome him back with open arms (I hope not anyway!)
However, she can't just switch off her emotions and a part of her still hopes for reconciliation - understandably, even if it may be unlikely.

Kizzy - you're starting to get mad at him now which is so good 'cos he'll be shocked he hasn't got the ball in his court anymore. He'll want it back though and that's when these signals of hope and affection that he's giving out become dangerous. He wants to get you lusting after him again so he can manipulate you into giving him free access and all the good bits of your life, with none of the hassles! Men are selfish, spoilt creatures and used to getting their own way most of the time - and we let them usually! Just be careful. If you really could live with him again, then good luck but what you're now writing compared to a couple of weeks ago makes me think you know you won't really be able to do that. You are doing really well though - go back and read your earlier posts to see your improving strength and resolve!!

June x

elona

kizzy

I know you are going on the trip for the children's sake but really hope his playing at being a family does not upset you and the children .

Enjoy making the most of yourself for YOUR sake.

Please be prepared for him to switch back to Mr Grumpy at the drop of a hat.

Maybe the reason his mother told you not to be too hasty to get a divorce was because she just could not see how the marriage had broken down if you were still able to do family things together and were even able to go on holiday together.

Fingers crossed that he does not hurt you even more.

If you have always arranged everything and this time he is doing it then I would be prepared for very little being arranged or booked etc. He will have no idea what is involved or hom time consuming things can be and will resent you if you step in to help and then grumble if you don't!

scottishfreebiehunter

Do whats best for you kizzy and those kids and if that means days out etc and you can both get on for there sake then that is wonderful for them.

Fidget21

Kizzy

I kind of agree with the people saying you are leaving yourself wide open, but I think (hope) you know this and although I think you are keeping your options open, I also think he has hurt you to a point where there is now a barrier that you've put up between you that he will have to do a hell of a lot of work to get over and that is a good thing.

However, I am concerned about his behaviour in front of the kids. I don't mean hus grumpiness either! It's this business of hugging you and kissing you that worries me. It is really good as SFH says that you can get on for the kids sake and the days out are a good thing (I think) but by behaving towards you in the same way he used to, is he going to give the kids false hope? It's good that they can see that mum and dad are still friends, but they need to see that that's all it is, otherwise they will get their hopes up that dad will be coming home again and all will be well.

I don't mean this as a criticism (or if it is then it's of him not you) more an observation that might need to be addressed with him before the trip.

Otherwise, I wish you a good trip to Alton Towers! Enjoy it for what it is.

scottishfreebiehunter

Can see where you are coming from Fidgetxx though explained to my ds other week that we will be here alone etc and daddy will be visiting , and seems to be coping with it past few days,as long as he knows he will see him and we as adults do not argue in front of him then will see how it goes this way.
I know it may not work for others but will try and see if it does for us

gerturdeanna

The reason why my OH has took the kids down south to the wedding is cos DS said he would miss him. They've just phoned and DD has got a bridesmaid outfit - it looks sooooo cute - I wish I was there!! :-(
But I know I can't and I've been to plenty of family occasions (my side) with the kids without him - just making a solitary meal for one for my tea cos I've just realised I've had no lunch and I'm starving!! Missing my kids!! Looking forward to watching X-Factor from last week - not seen it yet!!

scottishfreebiehunter

gerturdeanna wrote: »

The reason why my OH has took the kids down south to the wedding is cos DS said he would miss him. They've just phoned and DD has got a bridesmaid outfit - it looks sooooo cute - I wish I was there!! :-(
But I know I can't and I've been to plenty of family occasions (my side) with the kids without him - just making a solitary meal for one for my tea cos I've just realised I've had no lunch and I'm starving!! Missing my kids!! Looking forward to watching X-Factor from last week - not seen it yet!!

Make the most of it Gerti though I know you will feel lonley xxxxx

My ds going to my dads tomorrow but there is always a saga has to go with it and they are speaking to me as if I am 12:rolleyes:so I will be having none of it.
It will do him good to get away for the night and was saying to kizzy last night I was meant to be going out for a drink with a girl I know but she aint the most reliable person so we shall wait and see.