Any help would be much appreciated!

SuziQ

GrahamJP wrote: »

Hello,
A typical day is for me to go to work all day. Drive back to see my daughter (while partner goes to gym!!), put little one to bed and then leave when my partner returns....daft eh?!?!!!! So basically I'm a glorified babysitter!
quote]
Grrrrrrr- you had my sympathy totally until I read this!
Why do men say this sort of thing? Babysitting your own child?Some men without contact would KILL to have that precious contact with their child,and what would you rather she do whilst you have that contact? The number of poor blokes I have seen having contact in Macdonalds over the years-at least you are able to spend time in your child's home where she has some semblemce of normality!

My first husband was happy to 'spend time with his kids' in our jointly owned house for years,but as soon as I found a boyfriend after almost 5 years on my own (he had been through several relationships by then!) he wasn't going to ** 'babysit' any more so I could see another bloke.So I bought him out,moved on with my life-and he was in a situation where contact had to be taken elsewhere.
Where most of us go wrong when reltionships break down is not drawing a line in the sand.ie you need to decide on a reasonable amount to support your child,not your ex.She also needs some privacy and for you to share the childcare to some extent-she may be a greedy whotsit who is trying to take you for whatever she can (which I do not condone) but she is also entitled to a life and some time away from your lovely daughter. You need to consider selling the house and she needs to sort an income out-either(hopefully) shorterm benefits then a job,or just straight to employment.

GrahamJP_2

Hello everyone,

Can I run this past you? I'm looking to see if I can get the mortgage into my name only and basically give my ex a lump sum to achieve this. My thought has been to offer half the difference between the mortgage outstanding and the house value. Is that normal?

Have worked out that the house value is currently about 10000 more than the mortgage amount so I was thinking of offering 5000. Does that sound reasonable????

Thanks.

N71

GrahamJP wrote: »

Hello everyone,

Can I run this past you? I'm looking to see if I can get the mortgage into my name only and basically give my ex a lump sum to achieve this. My thought has been to offer half the difference between the mortgage outstanding and the house value. Is that normal?

Have worked out that the house value is currently about 10000 more than the mortgage amount so I was thinking of offering 5000. Does that sound reasonable????

Thanks.

Sounds right. I had to buy my oh out, quite a few years ago. I think we had to get the house valued. So it was the new valuation, minus the outstanding mortgage, then I had to give him half the difference.

SuziQ

As soon as she sees a solicitor,she will be told as the pwc she gets a bigger slice of the equity to provide a home for the child. My current husband was absolutely fleeced like this by his ex even though she had never worked or contributed to the household income-once your ex gets legal aid Lord help you in our experience. My first husband and I worked out a fair split between us when we finally sorted our poroperty out as I was so furious over how my husbands ex took such a huge proportion of the equity, the best car and ALL the furniture etc except the jukebox which he could prove he owned prior to marrying her. In my current split I am trying to get my soon to be ex to agree what he agreed at the start-ie when he went on the mortgage I already owned £110,000 equity in the proprty-since then the mortgage increased and the house value has dropped slightly,so I am trying to negotiate with him as I feel he should not have 50% of the current equity as I have worked more during our marriage than he has in any case. He agreed at the start he would only take half of any INCREASE in equity in the house should we split.In that circumstance he would get nothing I'm afraid-but as his contribution here has been so low and irregular (part of the reason for the split!) I don't really feel it's unfair.He has agreed via email but it's getting it in a legal document that counts!
I really hope you will both be able to prioritse your daughter in all of this and make sure she gets to see her Daddy really regularly.

N71

Not sure if being married makes a difference - but in my case when splitting with OH (not married, but two kids) the house was split 50/50. So being PWC didn't give me a bigger share of anything.

We discussed who got what from the house - and that was pretty much 50/50 too, until he broke in and took other stuff from my 50% - but thats another story!

Anyway - back to your previous posts, did you move back in this weekend? Hows it all going?

GrahamJP_2

Hello again,
Thanks for the support again. Moving in date is now this Sat/Sun. My ex and my daughter will be moving out that day to rented accomodation about two miles away. It'll be difficult but I now believe it is for the best. Have had a few more discussions about maintenance. According to the CSA website, I should give between say 65 and 75 a week depending on how many night's my daughter spends with me. I'm prepared to give that amount. My ex thinks it would be fairer if I gave closer to £100 a week. Told her that there's no way I could do that as that would stretch me to the limit!!

At least things are moving forward!!!!

SuziQ

GrahamJP wrote: »

Hello again,
Thanks for the support again. Moving in date is now this Sat/Sun. My ex and my daughter will be moving out that day to rented accomodation about two miles away. It'll be difficult but I now believe it is for the best. Have had a few more discussions about maintenance. According to the CSA website, I should give between say 65 and 75 a week depending on how many night's my daughter spends with me. I'm prepared to give that amount. My ex thinks it would be fairer if I gave closer to £100 a week. Told her that there's no way I could do that as that would stretch me to the limit!!

At least things are moving forward!!!!

Glad you have so quickly moved this forward-well done.
What she wants and what you can afford are 2 very different things! I expect though that she will be applying for benefit? In which case,any maintenance given prior to any agreement with CSA will be voluntary,make sure you are not hit for 2 bills for the same period-ie get a receipt,pay her by cheque or DD that can be traced-I'm no expert on this but lots of lovely folk on here can advise you better than me. If she takes this money from you and doesn't declare it when applying for benefit then she will be commiting an offence. I think folk on here have said the pwc can only keep the first £10 of any maintenance given before the benefit is adjusted down.

If only the reasonable blokes (like you)married the reasonable women....................mind you I suppose then you wouldn't have split up!

Marker_2

First of all you both must of agreed for the missus to stay home and look after the little one while you earned the wage. Had she gone to wrk and little one in childcare I doubt your financial situation would be that different.

Out of interest, are you going to stay in the house while your ex and child move out? Or is there anyway that you both can come to an agreement where she stay there with the little one but sort herself out on the bill front. Make an agreement maybe that you both pay towards the mortgage and set a date and sell it.

PS: CSA payments are the bare minimum, as a parent I wouldnt be happy paying the bare minimum for my child

Edited: Just caught up on the thread and am quite shocked that a father is happy to move his child out of her home and is only offering the bare minimum in CSA - going to step swiftly away from this thread!

GrahamJP_2

Marker,
So how do you come up with that? As well as the CSA payments I've also agreed to help with things like car insurance payments so not only will I be fulfilling my obligations to my daughter but I will also be helping her mother. I am also buying them things like TV, irons, kettles, microwave, crockery, helping pay off a large chunk of her personal overdraft etc etc this weekend amongst a heap of other things. Does this look like someone who is not doing much for his child???

Yes, my payments may be what the CSA recommends but I am going to try to keep the house going (will be my daughter's one day). It's going to be a huge struggle financially but I'm going to give it a go. That's not the actions of someone who isn't helping his daughter. Oh and I've done all I can to keep my family together and desperately wanted them to stay. The final choice in all this has not been mine. DO you think this is the way I saw fatherhood turning out????

vixlivvy

Graham

Hope things get sorted out for you soon...you sound as though you're doing everything right.

Nice to hear that not all our Ex's can be ratbags and there are acutally guys out there that want to provide for their children.