Another potential break up

scoobydo_2

You basically want your cake and eat it !!!!!!!! you wana see who you want but keep the nice cosy family if you can't think of your wife in all this think about your poor kids .As for starting again you say you have buy to let properties ............. move out and live in one !!

rchddap1

You really have to work out your feelings. If you don't love her then it isn't fair on you, her or the kids. The details of house and finance are by the by. I don't know if there is still love there...buts its just become diluted by both the affairs and minutia of day to day life.

It isn't just up to her to say 'get lost'...its also up to you to decide 'this isn't fair on anyone and its time to start again'. Some people can get past affairs and other's can't. It all depends on what you really have in you relationship. Is there love there...or is it simply convenience?

I wouldn't want my partner to stay with me just because of the inconvenience of splitting. In fact I'd despise him if he did that. What's most important if you do split is your relationship with your kids...and that because a tad tough if mum hates your guts.

You both need to really talk to each other and not hold anything back. Perhaps go to see a counsellor. Whatever works for you both.

its not just her decision. Don't wait for her to say yes or no. You have a say in this too. Just talk to each other. No-one here can say exactly what will or won't happen. What you should or should not say. but something that is undeniable is that you both need to talk for the sake of your kids if not your relationship.

consultant31

QWERTY555 wrote: »

If I have to leave, which I dont want to, I want to know what to do.

I want to act in a grown up mature fashion. I dont want to make it any harder that it will already be.

Pity you didn't try that before having the affairs!

viktory

You are treating your wife badly. Leave her and let her meet someone that will truly love her, cherish her and treat her with respect. Pay for and support your children - and be damed sure they know why you left so they don't blame her.

Squashy_2

It's very easy to jump on this guy and say "you're this" and "you're that" but things aren't always so straightforward. He acknowledges what he's done, he sounds remorseful - why else would he want to stay? If he didn't care, he'd be off - out of there, without so much as a backwards glance, surely?

I'm not defending him, but also not judging him.

Sorry to talk about you like you're not here, Qwerty

I agree with what rchddap1 has said. Both of you need to talk and try to figure out what happens next. There is absolutely no point in anyone staying in a relationship that is unhappy - the only guaranteed outcome can be more unhappiness.

MonkeySaving?

QWERTY555 wrote: »

I want to act in a grown up mature fashion. I dont want to make it any harder that it will already be.

Trolltastic! Should have acted as the above before you dipped your one eyed trouser snake into someone elses quivering love pudding!

Mips

MonkeySaving? wrote: »

Trolltastic! !

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Mclovin it!!!

sara1880

Having been the woman who has been cheated on and hurt badly, but also being the woman who didn't just cut her losses and end it all i think i can maybe relate to this.

Qwerty make no mistake you have hurt her far more than you will ever understand, you have hurt her emotionally deep down inside in a way she will never be able to properly express to you.

She is more than likely thinking very similar things to you, that shes worried where the future lays and how will she cope without you, or even how will she cope if you stay!! both can be equally as hard. Talk to her.

But i do feel that although we are dishing out relationship advice here what you are really looking for is advice on how not to loose everything you two have built up together but also to not leave her or the kids short, you do hear some pretty bad horror stories of absent Dads being crippled by CSA house costs and divorce settlements, and no-one not even a cheating husband deserves to be forced into debt and a lifestyle that becomes no life at all. You need to maybe go seek some impartial advice just generally on how these things are normally settled just to give you some sort of idea.

Also one bit of advice on the relationship side, did you truely love your wife before she got into the internet and you got into other women? It is so easy to become absorbed in the internet and not realise what you are letting slip away in the real world maybe your wife just turned to the net as an interest but then let it take up too much time with out realsiing but You should have been man enough to say that to her instead of acting like a spoilt child who wasn't getting enough attention who ran off to find some.

we all need love and no-one wants to feel neglected, but the better ones of us, know fighting for the love of the right person is better than settling for cheap fleeting affection.


God i waffled on sorry hope it all made sense though heheh

bookduck

QWERTY55, the stats that her finding a partner are not in her favour, a sex interest maybe. The figure I was quoted that if a girl is over 28 then there is 1 chance in 20 that she will ever get married. and there is a 55% chance that she will be divorced again (it is amazing what you hear on the radio)

The golden rules of cheating are (a) you alway have to live with it (b) you can never ease your guilt by sharing/confessing it to your partner. (c) never sheeet on your own doorstep - but this is about life in general.

She may forgive you, but she may not and divorce, forcing you to sell your houses.

As a landlord, I'm sure you are aware that one of the biggest rental markets is in rooms to single divorced blokes, who are paying maintenance for the partner house, leaving them only enough money to rent a room.

Debt_Free_Chick

sara1880 wrote: »

we all need love and no-one wants to feel neglected, but the better ones of us, know fighting for the love of the right person is better than settling for cheap fleeting affection.

Amen to that. It should be something they teach us in school. Some of us found out the hard way