Advice needed quickly

dmg24

I think that there is a bigger issue here than the benefit entitlements of your daughter if she had to move out.

Those aged 16 and 17 can receive IS in extreme circumstances, usually when they are completely independent of their families. If your daughter is living in a flat owned by you, then she will not be independent of you.

You say that you were paying school fees for your daughter, surely this money is now available and could be used to support your daughter?

I would really look at getting help with your relationship, both as a couple and as a family.

Edit: Crossposted, computer at snails pace today!

McKneff

its outrageous that you will allow your OH to chuck a 16 year old out.
She is your child for goodness sake, and she is only a child. Get your
priorities sorted out and pack this bully's bag for him. Your children
must must must come first and foremost. Obviously there is a lot more
to this than what youre saying but i still stand by what i have said.
Stand up to him, tell him if he continues to pack her bags you will pack his
and do it.

alison999

ms_newbie wrote: »

I dont expect her to take the resposibility - you are correct that that lies squarely at the feet of us as parents. However that is how she feels - she has told me that herself.

The whole situation is a mess - I accept that. I'm just looking for advice on where to get her help if she does end up living in the flat.

i appreciate that its not a good situation to be in BUT it should be your partner that has to move. she may say that now but she is a child not matter how grown up she feels. it shouldnt be her decision to move, but your decision to get your partner ro move, he is a adult and has ways to support himself, your daughter doesnt

Gillianh2

ms_newbie wrote: »

Thanks for reply. In general I think she is a good girl - but there is lots more to this which I dont really want to post here. I've will be very worried about her however if she is in my wee flat then at least both she and I know the area, neighbours etc. I suppose i'm hoping it will not happen.

I'm just trying to get into the position that if it does happen I know where to get the best help available. My daughter knows I will support her as best I can.

I can understand you thinking that you will know where she is, BUT she will be a 16year old child living alone. Yes you say you will support her, but you wont be there when she comes in from school or college, you wont be there when she wakes or goes to bed? It might be a good area but bad things happen everywhere. You are still taking an enormous risk by letting a 16year old live alone. How will she manage financially, as even if she does qualify for the EMA this wont pay her utility bills and food.
If you can see no other way other than her moving out, is there not a Grandparent or Aunt she could go and stay with?
I wouldnt be happy doing this I have to be honest and would do as I stated in my previous post, namely moving both DD's and myself to flat and making a fresh start that way.

Oldernotwiser

There's obviously more to the story as the OP has said, so perhaps we shouldn't comment too much on the reasons she has to leave home. However, I don't see why the daughter should expect support from public funds and can't see why the money that's used to keep her at home can't be used to keep her living independently in this flat. There's obviously no shortage of money in this family and as the accommodation is available the outlay for her to keep herself whilst living independently should be manageable.
Obviously it would be better if the family could get some help without things going to this extreme.

ms_newbie

I didnt think people under 18 got IS under 18 unless they had kids - she doesnt.

I will talk to her again about all three of us moving to this flat short term then trying to get something bigger. It was her Dad that paid the school fees with money from a savings plan so I dont have more spare cash now that he has stopped paying. I will have less money as I will have no rental income from the flat.

Anyway I will talk to her again tonight and see what we can do.

SuziQ

Is there a young person's counselling service or family counselling in your area? In our area it is connected to the community mental health team. They can do family counselling and also one on one with her to resolve the issues-surely if you tell your partner you are going to get this sort of help to resolve the issues he will hang fire for a while?
Phone up your local youth advice service or local clinic and find out what's available as the disagreements won't go away-her leaving may end the dispute but it won't sort out the underlying issues!

dmg24

ms_newbie wrote: »

I didnt think people under 18 got IS under 18 unless they had kids - she doesnt.

I will talk to her again about all three of us moving to this flat short term then trying to get something bigger. It was her Dad that paid the school fees with money from a savings plan so I dont have more spare cash now that he has stopped paying. I will have less money as I will have no rental income from the flat.

Anyway I will talk to her again tonight and see what we can do.

You are in a long term relationship, and you have children. Why does he have separate savings that you do not have access to?

Are you married?

Please, please get help as a couple. Your relationship is having a terrible effect on your children. That is not fair.

ms_newbie

SuziQ wrote: »

Is there a young person's counselling service or family counselling in your area? In our area it is connected to the community mental health team. They can do family counselling and also one on one with her to resolve the issues-surely if you tell your partner you are going to get this sort of help to resolve the issues he will hang fire for a while?
Phone up your local youth advice service or local clinic and find out what's available as the disagreements won't go away-her leaving may end the dispute but it won't sort out the underlying issues!

Thanks SuziQ. This is great advise - I'm not sure why I didnt think of it first - sometimes when there's trouble brewing I cant seem to see the wood for the trees. I'll look into this and suggest it to everyone involved. Even if Dad wont come it will help us to talk things through in a controlled manner and consider all the other implications I have no doubt not thought of so far. Thanks again.

ms_newbie

dmg24 wrote: »

You are in a long term relationship, and you have children. Why does he have separate savings that you do not have access to?

Are you married?

Please, please get help as a couple. Your relationship is having a terrible effect on your children. That is not fair.

Thanks DMG. We are not married and we both have our own bank accounts. But your right - we need to get some family counselling. I'm going to try to find our nearest place.