Advice needed quickly

ms_newbie

My partner has had a major fall out with my 15 year DD and is threatening to make her leave home as soon as she is 16 (next week). He has already started going round the house packing up her things!

He has already stopped paying her school fees and I had to find her another school. She is hoping to go on to university to study medicine.

I have a small flat that I normally rent out which is about to become empty which I can put her in if the situation occurs. However as I wont be able to get any rent I wont be able to support her as well. I am really worried for her.

I can give her her family allowance but probably no more than that. Will she be able to get any financial help from anywhere else?

I dont think she can claim the EMA money as we have more than £30k income between us. Or will that not count if she is not living at home. I cant believe she might need to leave school when its just such an important time in her life.

Please advise what help I can arrange for her.

mitchaa

How about you packing up your partners belongings and kicking him out??

Your daughter is your daughter, partners come and go.

alison999

is your partner her dad? i cant really help with the financial side of things but i would never let me oh kick either of my children out if he didnt want to live with them, he would have to find 'alternative accomodation' himself. i feel extremerly sorry for this child (thats what she is, even at 16)

ms_newbie

mitchaa wrote: »

How about you packing up your partners belongings and kicking him out??

Your daughter is your daughter, partners come and go.

He is also her father and the father of my other daughter too. Various personal and financial issues prevent me from packing up the lot of us and leaving.

Believe me if it was only me to consider I'd be gone.

Gillianh2

I am sorry to hear the difficuties you are having am I right in assuming that your Partner is not your DD dad?
I have to agree with the above poster that maybe its your partner who should be moving out and certainly not an almost 16 year old. How will she manage on her own? Would you be able to rest easy knowing that your DD was living on her own and very very likely struggling?

From the small amount of info given, your DD appears to be attending school and is obvioulsy doing well and wishing to pursue a medical career. She doesnt seem to be causing any major problems ie refusing to attend school etc;So I am at a loss as to why you would be even contemplating letting your Partner throw her out.

My Own personal feeling would be to protect and help DD and tell partner to go whistle.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh and maybe there is more to this than you have posted.
But from what has been posted so far I would have to say that DD welfare must come first and she should remain at home.

ms_newbie

alison999 wrote: »

is your partner her dad? i cant really help with the financial side of things but i would never let me oh kick either of my children out if he didnt want to live with them, he would have to find 'alternative accomodation' himself. i feel extremerly sorry for this child (thats what she is, even at 16)

Yes he is her Dad. I did discuss with my DD that I would take her and other DD and the 3 of us could live in the flat (albeit it would be crowded) but she knows the impact this will have on DD2 and doesnt want to do it. I think she is hoping that if they get space it will resolve itself and is thinking if I take DD2 and leave there will be no way back.

alison999

ms_newbie wrote: »

Yes he is her Dad. I did discuss with my DD that I would take her and other DD and the 3 of us could live in the flat (albeit it would be crowded) but she knows the impact this will have on DD2 and doesnt want to do it. I think she is hoping that if they get space it will resolve itself and is thinking if I take DD2 and leave there will be no way back.

i think a 16 year old shouldnt have to be thinking about what kind of impact it would have on her sister, thats yours and her dads job. shes just a kid herself, you cant expect her to handle that kind of responsibility.

ms_newbie

Gillianh2 wrote: »

I am sorry to hear the difficuties you are having am I right in assuming that your Partner is not your DD dad?
I have to agree with the above poster that maybe its your partner who should be moving out and certainly not an almost 16 year old. How will she manage on her own? Would you be able to rest easy knowing that your DD was living on her own and very very likely struggling?

From the small amount of info given, your DD appears to be attending school and is obvioulsy doing well and wishing to pursue a medical career. She doesnt seem to be causing any major problems ie refusing to attend school etc;So I am at a loss as to why you would be even contemplating letting your Partner throw her out.

My Own personal feeling would be to protect and help DD and tell partner to go whistle.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh and maybe there is more to this than you have posted.
But from what has been posted so far I would have to say that DD welfare must come first and she should remain at home.

Thanks for reply. In general I think she is a good girl - but there is lots more to this which I dont really want to post here. I've will be very worried about her however if she is in my wee flat then at least both she and I know the area, neighbours etc. I suppose i'm hoping it will not happen.

I'm just trying to get into the position that if it does happen I know where to get the best help available. My daughter knows I will support her as best I can.

Gillianh2

ms_newbie wrote: »

He is also her father and the father of my other daughter too. Various personal and financial issues prevent me from packing up the lot of us and leaving.

Believe me if it was only me to consider I'd be gone.

Sorry my post crossed with yours.:rolleyes:

I am sorry to hear you are having these difficuties however I still stand by the fact that you cannot evict the 16year old. I know you said there are personal and financial difficulties, well these are not going to be resolved by your eldest D leaving home.
Have you taken legal advice with regards to getting a legal seperation from your OH?
You said you have a flat that is about to become vacant, then maybe the best outcome would be for you and your 2DD move in there and make a fresh start that way. You would I am sure be entitled to some financial assistance from OH (thats why get legal advice) and may also qualify for CTC and WTC to make ends meet.
Surely this would make for a better future for both DD's and yourself, no-one should live unhappily and under this sort of strain.
Perhaps you would like to give a little more info and maybe we can offer some help and advice.

Please think very carefully before you allow OH to throw out a 16year old child onto the streets.

mitchaa

If you were to leave your partner, she would i assume get the EMA money as it would be based solely on your wage.

I would imagine your CTC award would increase quite significantly, probably WTC on top aswell.

Along with CSA from your partner.

Of course, i'm not giving you relationship advice but if you're not happy, dont think you cant leave purely for financial reasons, as there are a whole load of benefits to help with situations like this.

I suppose it boils down to, daughter or partner at the end of the day, and like i said before your daughter is always going to be your daughter.

All the best.

ms_newbie

alison999 wrote: »

i think a 16 year old shouldnt have to be thinking about what kind of impact it would have on her sister, thats yours and her dads job. shes just a kid herself, you cant expect her to handle that kind of responsibility.

I dont expect her to take the resposibility - you are correct that that lies squarely at the feet of us as parents. However that is how she feels - she has told me that herself.

The whole situation is a mess - I accept that. I'm just looking for advice on where to get her help if she does end up living in the flat.