need advice please!!!

santashelper_2

Your self respect is worth a lot more than a man who leads you on.

Go girl:T

newcook

CB1979 wrote: »

most importantly why the hell did your mate not say anything?

I dont think he knew how well me and this guy were getting on tbh (he was busy having a row with his own girlfriend!!)

Gingham_Ribbon

You've done the right thing. He's not lied as such but it's a technicality isn't it! You handed him the opportunity to explain his situation and he twisted it to suit himself.

A relationship of that long, with children involved, is about as close to a marriage as something could be. He'd need to have distance of more than a few weeks, or even months from her before i'd consider anything. And I'd never consider something with someone who wasn't straight with me from the start.

belfastgirl23

I'm not so sure that he lied. Although he didn't exactly tell the whole truth but then again would you tell that story to someone you just met?

Personally I'd give him the benefit of the doubt on the lying front. But at the same time it is def not a good idea to get involved wiht someone who has not properly disengaged from another relationship. I'd ask him to come back after six months if he is still separated from his LT girlfriend. If he comes back then he was the right person and if he doesn't then he isn't....

I know though much easier to give the advice than to do it! Good luck!

basketcase

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I'm not so sure that he lied. Although he didn't exactly tell the whole truth but then again would you tell that story to someone you just met?

It doesn't sound as if he did actually tell a lie. But, as you say, he didn't tell the whole truth either.

My ex is a past master of that. He had most of his friends convinced that he was paying maintenance for DD as well as any odd things he actually did pay for such as trips I took her to see his friends because he couldn't be bothered taking the time off. (Never received a penny of support BTW). Yet he's never in his life told a lie. As he put it (when I took him up on it) "If they asked the right questions, I'd give the answers. If they want to think something that isn't true, that's their stupid fault, not mine!"

Should he have told the whole story? Perhaps not, but the bloke in question MUST have at least had an inkling as to why she was asking. And he didn't have to tell the whole "story to someone he'd just met". He could have said something like "I'm not long out of a relationship and I'm still in touch with the kids".

bandraoi

Did he tell you a lie or did he not tell you the complicated truth because it wasn't appropriate to the situation? To me how trustworthy he is, on this one, depends on how and when he was asked.

In a casual conversation, twenty minutes after meeting someone, who you're not sure you'll ever see again, then the simplest answer is usually the politest, particularly if you're in a situation where it's not appropriate to go into details.

If I'm asked what I do, I usually state my qualification for instance. My job is now in a different field but noone knows anything about it and trying to explain it is boring for both me and the person who asks.

If I'm asked where I'm from, I usually state the town where my parents live. Actually I only lived there from the age of 17 - 21, but in most situations nobody wants the extra details of where else I've lived.

Did he leave out the details of an on/off girlfriend and two adults to whom he's a father figure because a causal conversation isn't the place to say "I've just broken up with my girlfriend of 15 years, and I act as a Father figure to her two (adult) children"

CB1979_2

also bandraoi forgot to mention men will do almost anything for a bit of fresh pu$$y! lol

in fairness, i'd at least meet up with the fella again and have a chat with him.

i agree with a couple of the others on here, witholding information to a stranger isn't the saem as lying and it does sound a tad complicated.

i'd chat to him & your mate and get the lowdown on what your mate thinks of him too.

newcook

bandraoi wrote: »

on this one, depends on how and when he was asked.

we had been chatting for about an hour and we got onto the subject of ex's - I was completely honest and said I had split with my ex at new year and we are just finishing off the paperwork on the house sale but I had moved into my own flat. I then said 'so what about you? house, kids, girlfriend/wife? whats your baggage?!' he only said he had his own house.

elona

newcook

You were open and honest and stated what your situation was and gave him the opportunity to do the same.

He didn't.

Alarm bells are ringing and I don't think he will commit properly to anyone or anything.

He sounds shifty! Could you ever really trust what he said?