need advice please!!!

galvanizersbaby

pukkamum wrote: »

I'm not sure i agree what if he needs to fall for someone else before he can make the break with his ex,

Then he's a fairly weak insecure selfish person and a possible cheat so still to be given a miss in my opinion (no offence intended to you pukkamum, I'm sure your situ was different)

sarymclary

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

sarymclary wrote: »

There's obviously a physical attraction going on here, because despite him being a liar, you're wondering about whether to still see him. Well, why not just enjoy him on your terms? He's not ideal as a long term bet, but how about for a bit of fun while you want it? Then when you decide to move on, kick him to the kerb!

You sound like a girl with morals Newcook - don't sink to this level - no point - tell him your busy for the next couple of years - you don't need the hassle! x

Gee thanks!

My point here was, that maybe the OP would feel more confident, and self-assured if she was controlling any form contact with him on her terms. I don't think she was asking us to judge her (or anyone else's) morals. There are many people who are capable of having relationships without an aim for long-term commitment, and whilst I do not fall into that category, I certainly don't feel I'm in a position to judge them about their choices.

I was merely trying to give the OP another perspective.

pukkamum

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

pukkamum wrote: »

I'm not sure i agree what if he needs to fall for someone else before he can make the break with his ex,

Then he's a fairly weak insecure selfish person and a possible cheat so still to be given a miss in my opinion (no offence intended to you pukkamum, I'm sure your situ was different)

Aren't we all weak, insecure and selfish at times? Yes he's a possible cheat so was i but i never have and never will, it all depends on just how much the op likes this bloke and whether she is willing to take a chance after all he could be the love of her life! Obviously she would need to trust that it was truly over with his ex.

amyandoli

if he's lied I personally couldn't trust him and wouldn't go there. I'd worry he'd do it again and I think he's got a whole load of baggage that could cause a lot of upset in the future. my friend recently went on 4 dates with a guy then found out he was on/off with his ex when he'd made out he was 100% single.

pukkamum

In my situation i didn't see my dh again until i had properly finished with the other bloke maybe she could tell the bloke that she will only be willing to see him when he has definately finished with his ex, as for the baggage well there are a lot of men out there with baggage and as we get older the men we meet are more and more likely to come with ex's and kids etc should they all be written off?

galvanizersbaby

sarymclary wrote: »

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Gee thanks!

My point here was, that maybe the OP would feel more confident, and self-assured if she was controlling any form contact with him on her terms. I don't think she was asking us to judge her (or anyone else's) morals. There are many people who are capable of having relationships without an aim for long-term commitment, and whilst I do not fall into that category, I certainly don't feel I'm in a position to judge them about their choices.

I was merely trying to give the OP another perspective.

I didn't mean to judge anyone and I'm well aware that there are plenty of people happy to have relationships without long term commitment - a lot of my colleagues at work seem to have these sort of arrangements and they always seem to end in emotional disaster (usually on their part) - bores me tbh but that's just my opinion - I wasn't judging the OP as I'd imagine she wouldn't have posted in the first place if she was just after a bit of fun - looks like from her post she's decided not to pursue this chap so good luck to her

galvanizersbaby

pukkamum wrote: »

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Aren't we all weak, insecure and selfish at times? Yes he's a possible cheat so was i but i never have and never will, it all depends on just how much the op likes this bloke and whether she is willing to take a chance after all he could be the love of her life! Obviously she would need to trust that it was truly over with his ex.

At times maybe - but on/off for 15 years?!
Just my own personal op but I wouldn't be interested in somebody that couldn't make the break because they didn't want to be on their own and therefore had to meet someone else first and possibly cheat and lie to the person they didn't want to be with anymore - I'd prefer a strong independent type but just my own personal op everyone's different
Doesn't looks like he could be the love of Newcook's life as judging by her post she's calling it a day

newcook

pukkamum wrote: »

In my situation i didn't see my dh again until i had properly finished with the other bloke maybe she could tell the bloke that she will only be willing to see him when he has definately finished with his ex, as for the baggage well there are a lot of men out there with baggage and as we get older the men we meet are more and more likely to come with ex's and kids etc should they all be written off?

At the minute I don’t want to be with anyone who has kids. My ex has a child with his ex and while I loved his lad to pieces, me and ex could never have spontanious weekends - everything had to be planned and whenever I told him off I got told 'you cant tell me what to do, you're not my mom'.

While I know I wont get this from his kids (they are 18 and 21 - well, that’s what he's told me!) I don’t want to be seen as the reason why their mom and dad haven't got back together

*Louise*

newcook wrote: »

I do like this guy but I feel I cant trust him and can see that if we did get together then its going to be me who ends up hurt when him and his ex get back together.

So, do I follow my heart which is saying 'go for it - you deserve some fun' or do I go with my head which is saying 'you'll end up hurt'!?!?!?!

He's already told you a whopper of a lie. What sort of basis is that for a relationship.

Nuff said.

CB1979_2

most importantly why the hell did your mate not say anything?