Depression Support Thread

Horasio

Sorry for the essay and thank you for reading:)

Night-owl_6

Hi all!

I hope evryone is feeling okay.

I just want to asure people that if you are feeling depressed there is help out there, you can visit your GP or contact Samaritans.
If you are feeling really bad you can attend your local hospiatl or call an ambulance.

Remember that what ever your probelms that there is very little in this world that cannot be fixed or sorted

Night-owl_6

CCStar wrote: »

I need some clarification from you all.

I don't know if it is because I am feeling trapped in with my leg and cold but I am worried about the direction my life is taking.

We are going to be evicted from our house in September and househunting.

My OH has decided to take time off from working in order to set up a business. We sold our house and the interest is paying for our expenses. So far we have gone out on day trips - which we planned to do and settle in - to be expected.

In the last 3 weeks our lives have been revolving around helping my mother visit my step father in hospital - he is old and we have been willing to help her. This leaves very little time for my OH to work on his business. I hurt my leg the other day and he is having to do the driving and do odd jobs for us both.

We are grateful for what he is doing but and I am going to sound horrible now, he makes me miserable. I dare not get too happy as he sits there with a face as long as a fiddle and feel I am not good enough. I am trying every method I know to keep myself optimistic and cheerful but feel my mood drain away when he gives me a certain look. It seems like he is hell bent on bringing me down till I crack.

I know he is tired from looking after us all and trying to set up his business. He used to be tired all the time from working hard at work, which is fair enough and it is not easy for him now.

What upsets me is when things are less hectic he is still tired all the time and always has been since I can remember and even when things are going OK he is withdrawn and limp. I don't think he has the oooomph to set up a business and feel he is getting too old to find a decent job.

I try to talk to him about it and it ends up in a row. There are many things that are right but there is this one thing that upsets me to the core. I feel deflated a lot of the time and have to be in a supremely strong mood to not let him get me down. If I am ill or unwell, it bothers me far more and it depresses me. I feel I have to watch my mood for my own protection, that I will get upset by him. I get scared to get too happy or too ill. I don't feel this is right. I should be free to be up and down without fear.

You might say I am free to leave, this means I will have to live somewhere less nice and noisy. I can't stand attached properties and noisy neighbours. I have had my fill of this in the past for a long time and can't bear the thought of being near noisy inconsiderate people.

We can get a nicer place if we stay together but he will only spoil it. I want to help him with the business but every time I try, I feel deflated and bought down and go into a depression and goto my room to recover.

I cannot face him in the morning as he used to be all over me and I can't stand that when I first wake up, so have facilities to use till I am up to seeing him. He used to cry aggressively when I said back off. He is better now but have a fear of seeing him before I come round.

I don't know how to stop the deflation. Am I oversensitive? My mother says I am. I want to talk to her but feel she will try to control me. She gets odd with me sometimes just for asking for her to be kinder to me. She went off in a huff in the middle of the A&E waiting room when I asked her to keep cheerful so I could cope.

I have lost a lot of confidence over the years. I have been very needy towards any friends I have made and probably pushed them too far. I end up running back to my OH or mother as I have been hurt by the outside world. I feel I can't trust anyone. They either don't care or they want to control me if they show kindness. I was a bully's dream when I was younger. My OH gave me confidence to be more aggressive and sometimes assertive when I met him. I don't feel the need to be as aggressive but a lot of my anger stems from feeling angry at him.

I don't know what I can do to make a living and can't work whilst I live with my OH as coming home to him after work is another job in itself and I can't cope with that when I am tired.

He does do most of the phone admin as he has the patience to talk to Indian call centres and idiot garages - our car has been a nightmare since day 1.

I don't feel he is effective with our son and our son has become spoilt and uncaring. I used to get shouted at when I tried to discipline our son, so was undermined. This has gone on for 4 years. My mother is the same. They both moan he is not growing up yet don't do anything about it and undermine me. I feel sick that our son has done stupid things and I have had to sit there and watch it go on without any support from my family. I know kids make mistakes but feel had our family been stricter he would have had less hassles.

The other night he got really drunk and involved my mother who needed to rest in the evening. I don't know the full facts but he hasn't been drinking since but feel she bribed him into stopping for a while. She is paying half his rent when we move out so hopefully she might have some good influence. Between the age of 1-5 she had a lot of influence over him as she babysat for us.

My instinct is to run away and get my own place whilst we can afford to. My fear is not being able to maintain it financially and end up back with my OH or be lonely as I am quite shy and a loner. I also feel scared my mother will mess me up again if I am alone. I don't have any friends I can lean on during this tough time, so too scared to go it alone in a new place.

Hi CCStar and sorry to hear your troubles.
Dont worry about the essay, that is what this thread is for.

After reading your post you sound that yourself and husband need counselling, this can be arrnged via your GP or by you, the GP will have a waiting lisit but would be free or much cheaper.
There sounds like there is a number of issues that need addressing.
Dont stay in this relationship if you dont feel happy or right about it, your husband is better knowing sooner rather than 6 months time when you have no money.
It sounds like your husband/partner needs help with the drinking, I recommend that you talk to your GP about this also, maybe try the AA.
You need to go with what your heart is telling you, not what you think is best for your husband

Horasio

Night-owl wrote: »

Hi CCStar and sorry to hear your troubles.
Dont worry about the essay, that is what this thread is for.

After reading your post you sound that yourself and husband need counselling, this can be arrnged via your GP or by you, the GP will have a waiting lisit but would be free or much cheaper.
There sounds like there is a number of issues that need addressing.
Dont stay in this relationship if you dont feel happy or right about it, your husband is better knowing sooner rather than 6 months time when you have no money.
It sounds like your husband/partner needs help with the drinking, I recommend that you talk to your GP about this also, maybe try the AA.
You need to go with what your heart is telling you, not what you think is best for your husband

Thank you - I appreciate your time and reply.

We tried counselling before and my OH just ranted over me. The poor woman didn't know how to shut him up and it was horrible.

It is our son that was overdrinking not my OH. I do wonder if our son has been damaged by our horrible marriage. I did ponder leaving years ago but couldn't cope with our son by myself nor could leave him. Now he is 20 and this isn't an issue. My issue is being able to support myself once I leave.

You are certainly living up to your name - I thought I was the only one awake.:)

KentishLady

Morning all.

Been awake since 3:30 and can't get back to sleep. Am tired but just can't drop off. Normally would play a cd but DH is in the main bedroom because he has pulled a muscle in his back and it has the most comfy bed (as well as the CD player & tv). I have been relegated to the spare room so I don't disturb him.

Hi CCStar - I'm sorry that I don't have anything helpful to say regarding your post - my brain isnt in gear at the moment - but sorry to read things are difficult at the mo.

Went to the GPs yesterday to get a prescription for anti-Ds. She is being really supportive and I'm so glad to have found her! She is a regular locum at the surgery and I wish that they would employ her permanently - she only works one day a week at the moment at my surgery. She said I looked much better than when I first met her, and she is now encouraging me to think about returning to work. We have arranged for me to go back and see her the week after my holiday.

Last week we were so busy and at the weekend as well that I barely had time to keep up with the thread. The shed is now waterproofed with its new roof and I'm enjoying organising it. I've made a workbench at one end, and will be making a fold down table to go along the front wall under the window. DH is going to be using the shed as his weights room so it has to be tidy and he has to have enough room!! Have bought some flooring from B&Q to cover the concrete - they had some vinyl tiles at £1.50 per packet (half price) so I got them!

Anyway hope you all have a good day. Hugs to those who need them.

KL.

Horasio

I wrote about our problems a few months back and didn't act then as we had just moved house. We are having to move house again and since we have moved, I have seen my OH in a different light and I don't like it.

Night-owl_6

CCStar wrote: »

I wrote about our problems a few months back and didn't act then as we had just moved house. We are having to move house again and since we have moved, I have seen my OH in a different light and I don't like it.

Im sorry for the long wait for a reply.
It seems like you need to talk to your husband but he is unwilling.
An ideal I have for you is to write him a letter, and if you can try staying with some friends for a few nights, make it clear what you feel and how you are.
If you left him you could always remain friends, you could always put your relationship on hold even and see what happens but the most important thing to do is what you are happy with.
Make an appointment to see your GP, also you can go to counselling alone it might give you a clearer outlook on this

Horasio

Thank you

What upsets me is he says he loves me but seems hell bent on hurting me when I feel it is safe to be close. He says he is tired but sometimes wonder if he wants to control me by hurting me and making me feel insecure by cutting me off like I don't matter when we are alone and being the model husband when in company.

I get tired too but make the effort because it is rude not to. I might as well be alone for all the companionship I get most of the time.

Thank you for your suggestions NightOwl. I cannot drive just now and life is ruled by my mother and step father just now but I will have to decide soon.

I can't talk to my mother, she is a bully too. She is sometimes approachable but uses the information to control me, then I am trapped.

I honestly can't find anyone I can trust - my childhood was hellish and lonely, and thought my OH was the answer to my prayers but he didn't take long to mistreat me too by being withdrawn and making out it was me or him being tired. He never cared about me and I was ill!

Maybe I just attract bullies:(

Night-owl_6

CCStar wrote: »

Thank you

What upsets me is he says he loves me but seems hell bent on hurting me when I feel it is safe to be close. He says he is tired but sometimes wonder if he wants to control me by hurting me and making me feel insecure by cutting me off like I don't matter when we are alone and being the model husband when in company.

I get tired too but make the effort because it is rude not to. I might as well be alone for all the companionship I get most of the time.

Thank you for your suggestions NightOwl. I cannot drive just now and life is ruled by my mother and step father just now but I will have to decide soon.

I can't talk to my mother, she is a bully too. She is sometimes approachable but uses the information to control me, then I am trapped.

I honestly can't find anyone I can trust - my childhood was hellish and lonely, and thought my OH was the answer to my prayers but he didn't take long to mistreat me too by being withdrawn and making out it was me or him being tired. He never cared about me and I was ill!

Maybe I just attract bullies:(

Im sorry you feel this way
This sounds an aweful situation to be in.
I can only say that there is very little in this life that cant be sorted and you must always remember no matter how bad things are they could be alot worse.
You have had the bad run of these and you need to maybe move on, you need to maybe get the support you need and leave behind certain people.
I would recommend to you to maybe contact www.wdvh.org.uk
Now I know its not domestic violence your getting (I hope not) but they also offer other great support too or try seeing your GP.
There are people out there who will happy you.
If you need to talk at anytime PM me, im sorry I cant offer more than that

shazrobo

morning all, hope everyone is ok, and welcome to the thread blue sea.
hi diamond, please post whenever you want thats what its here for, and i know what your going through as a single parent with no support, i'm in the same boat too. the school blamed me for sons behavior when they were younger, they said its obviously my fault being a single parents, you dont get two kids misbehaving like that unless its how they brought them up, also i spent time with my lads at home helping them just like you are doing. i used to have a lot more friends and slowly they stopped contact too, didnt want my kids mixing with theirs either.
deep down i was and still am doing my best, but never feel its good enough, even since they have been diagnosed, i still feel like a failure, but we are good mum's we know that and gotta remember that.
ccstar, sounds like emotional and verbal abuse from your hubby, my ex was same, felt like walking on egg shells the whole time, and he made my depression worse. i'd be lying if i said it wasnt lonely cos it is, but i was lonely in the relationship too if that makes sense?
my neighbour is fairly noisy too, i just got a company to install soundproofing boards on the adjoining walls, problem solved. financially, it hasnt been easy, but i cant work, cos i need to be at home with sons, but we have roof over our heads, car and manage holidays, so we ok. whatever you decide, put yourself first.
hugs
shaz xxx