Depression Support Thread

alba37

blue_sea wrote: »

Hello everyone

first post on here and indeed first post on the forum...

had a really bad day and to be honest don't know where to turn to, I feel and am so alone- it's been awful, i don't want to die, but i really don't want to live like this, i can't stop the tears from falling

Aw, Blue sea. Feel free to post here as little or as often as you like. We all try to support eachother.

(((hugs)))

A x

Diamond78

It is very quite today isnt it???I hope everyone is ok and well. I wasnt going to post tonight. I feel guilty sometimes coming on here when on a downer. Everyone has their own problems and I dont want to depress you all even more. But Im going to post anyway. Sorry, I dont mean to make you all even more depressed. Instead of telling you all how I fell and whats going on, I should write positive and uplifting stuff.

Since last night, Ive been feeling kind of low. Having a bad nights sleep was bad enough. But my day just got from bad to worse. Sometimes I misplace things, I forget where I have placed it and look forever and I cant find it. Then suddenly it appears. It drives me mad and makes me think Im going mad sometimes:mad: . Not sure if anyone can relate to that.

Then in the afternoon, ds has open day at his school. I got his report but didnt read it till after I picked son up. Overall his report is good. He is exceptionally well behaved:eek: . Most of the time he is at home but has his moments like yesterday which just drain me.But unfortunatly son is below average in reading and writing. From when he joined they said he was being assesed to see if he has learning difficulties as he was below average i reading. They said it could be due to the moving around. They know why I have moved around yet make me feel bad and guilty like it was my fault. I have read to ds since he was a baby. She also stated he has problems with his hearing coz he cant keep up with the rythme in music lesson. I have always helped my son and do things with him. It really upset me and my son. I still praised ds and told him i was proud of him and he done really well. I told him not to worry and we would try a bit harder next time so Im going to treat him at the weekend. His only 6, why do they throw so much work at them so soon? His also worried that he has to do SATS in year 2 as half his class is formed of year 2 kids so he knows what goes on.

Anyway, then I rang the college to ask when my course was starting and spoke to the tutor. To my horror she told me how the course im due to start is an evening but I have noone to help out with childcare. Its from 6pm to 9pm and thats pretty late finish. I would have so many panic attacks having to travel late at night, especially where I live and recent stabbings and murders going on. She went on to say I would not get a refund on the £30 fee I paid. They never told me it was an evening course as the one in april was from 9.30am . They should teach me not to assume!!!
Cant explain how gutted I am. I cried and cried. Im so [EMAIL="pi@@ed"]pi@@ed[/EMAIL] off.I just feel its always me.

Then had to go somewhere and got on the bus. There was just one seat, so sat there with son on my lap. The man was so strange, he made me feel so scared. He kept talking to me but i couldnt hear him properly ans he was stuttering. he stunk of booze.So maybe thats why he was talking the way he was. he started asking things, personal questions. Honestly the man was proper starnge and weird. I was hoping he would get off before us. Waited ages for 2 empty seats together so we could move to that seat. After 30mins we moved seats and was getting closer to home. I had to get off in the end coz he kept watching me. Havent had a bad panic attack that bad in ages. I really thought I was going to die.
I hate feeling like this scared and fearful. Its such a horrible feeling. Ive also come on again. Only finished last week and Im on again. Got appointment with dietican 2moro about my eating and also seeing case worker for my old addiction.
I havent had a bad and long day like this in ages. Its so hard to relax and chill. How do you all wind down after a [EMAIL="s@@t"]s@@t[/EMAIL] day???
Sorry for the long rant.

Shaz, its so wonderful what you are doing for prem babies. I was ment to say it to you the other day but forgot. Sorry hun. I think I might start doing that seeing as I cant even go college. Im back to square one. I hate telling ppl Im unemployed. Ppl on benefits are made to look like scroungers and lazy but its not like that all. I would love to work and study and I will hopefully oneday.No one knows how hard it is unless they know where Im coming from and what I mean.
Hugs to you all
xxx

Diamond78

Awww shaz, sorry to hear that hun. Hugs xx

Blue-sea, aomeone nice is always around here to listen. Sending you big hugs xx

Stephb1986_2

Hi everyone how are you all this evening?

Still not found a van for on holiday argh!! i have a few weeks i know but i like to have things sorted

Im forever putting stuff away and not remembering where i've put it like my ipod! car keys ect ect i have a brain like a seive.

Hope your all ok today

love hugs and kisses

Steph xx

queensway_boy

Diamond

Never worry about posting in the thread whatever your feeling post it,thats what we're here for to listen and help,sometimes just by being here for you.Let it out.Try not to bottle things up.Big hugs to you.xx

queensway_boy

Thinking of you shaz,i know you had a draining day today,big hugs,xx

Diamond78

queensway_boy wrote: »

Diamond

Never worry about posting in the thread whatever your feeling post it,thats what we're here for to listen and help,sometimes just by being here for you.Let it out.Try not to bottle things up.Big hugs yo you.xx

Awww thanx hun. I felt I was coping really well and I was. I sppose I will pick up in a few days time. Rather than feel sorry for myself and worry myself like I usually do, im going to try and sort myself out bit by bit. I feel people, not on here but ppl i know in general expect to much of me. They seem to forget im a lone parent and have no family here for support. Im going to look into another course, atleast i tried. Thanx again QB.x

feelinggood_2

Diamond78 wrote: »

It is very quite today isnt it???I hope everyone is ok and well. I wasnt going to post tonight. I feel guilty sometimes coming on here when on a downer. Everyone has their own problems and I dont want to depress you all even more. But Im going to post anyway. Sorry, I dont mean to make you all even more depressed. Instead of telling you all how I fell and whats going on, I should write positive and uplifting stuff.

Since last night, Ive been feeling kind of low. Having a bad nights sleep was bad enough. But my day just got from bad to worse. Sometimes I misplace things, I forget where I have placed it and look forever and I cant find it. Then suddenly it appears. It drives me mad and makes me think Im going mad sometimes:mad: . Not sure if anyone can relate to that.

Then in the afternoon, ds has open day at his school. I got his report but didnt read it till after I picked son up. Overall his report is good. He is exceptionally well behaved:eek: . Most of the time he is at home but has his moments like yesterday which just drain me.But unfortunatly son is below average in reading and writing. From when he joined they said he was being assesed to see if he has learning difficulties as he was below average i reading. They said it could be due to the moving around. They know why I have moved around yet make me feel bad and guilty like it was my fault. I have read to ds since he was a baby. She also stated he has problems with his hearing coz he cant keep up with the rythme in music lesson. I have always helped my son and do things with him. It really upset me and my son. I still praised ds and told him i was proud of him and he done really well. I told him not to worry and we would try a bit harder next time so Im going to treat him at the weekend. His only 6, why do they throw so much work at them so soon? His also worried that he has to do SATS in year 2 as half his class is formed of year 2 kids so he knows what goes on.

Anyway, then I rang the college to ask when my course was starting and spoke to the tutor. To my horror she told me how the course im due to start is an evening but I have noone to help out with childcare. Its from 6pm to 9pm and thats pretty late finish. I would have so many panic attacks having to travel late at night, especially where I live and recent stabbings and murders going on. She went on to say I would not get a refund on the £30 fee I paid. They never told me it was an evening course as the one in april was from 9.30am . They should teach me not to assume!!!
Cant explain how gutted I am. I cried and cried. Im so pi@@ed off.I just feel its always me.

Then had to go somewhere and got on the bus. There was just one seat, so sat there with son on my lap. The man was so strange, he made me feel so scared. He kept talking to me but i couldnt hear him properly ans he was stuttering. he stunk of booze.So maybe thats why he was talking the way he was. he started asking things, personal questions. Honestly the man was proper starnge and weird. I was hoping he would get off before us. Waited ages for 2 empty seats together so we could move to that seat. After 30mins we moved seats and was getting closer to home. I had to get off in the end coz he kept watching me. Havent had a bad panic attack that bad in ages. I really thought I was going to die.
I hate feeling like this scared and fearful. Its such a horrible feeling. Ive also come on again. Only finished last week and Im on again. Got appointment with dietican 2moro about my eating and also seeing case worker for my old addiction.
I havent had a bad and long day like this in ages. Its so hard to relax and chill. How do you all wind down after a s@@t day???
Sorry for the long rant.

Shaz, its so wonderful what you are doing for prem babies. I was ment to say it to you the other day but forgot. Sorry hun. I think I might start doing that seeing as I cant even go college. Im back to square one. I hate telling ppl Im unemployed. Ppl on benefits are made to look like scroungers and lazy but its not like that all. I would love to work and study and I will hopefully oneday.No one knows how hard it is unless they know where Im coming from and what I mean.
Hugs to you all
xxx

First of all Diamond, DO NOT feel guilty about posting here. Thats the magic of the thread - we are all here together, whether we are having good days or bad days. If it helps you to post, then post away. I know it helps me to read about other peoples days, because it helps me remember that I'm not alone. Depression can make us feel very different from everyone else, and I'm sure your posts help more than just me!

Could you try and turn around the report on your DS? Instead of feeling bad about moving around, feel good that it is only a temporary problem, and one which you will overcome if you keep working hard with your DS, like you have been doing. You had valid reasons for the move, so don't feel guilty. Feel pleased that you have such a well-behaved DS who will be up to scratch with his reading and writing soon. You are doing all the right things.

I can sympathise about the bus incident. I got off the train a week or so ago, and was waiting for my friend. This man approached me, and started talking to me. I was leaning against the wall, and he stood really close in front of me, meaning I couldn't get away. He wasn't making much sense, saying things like if I didn't become a good Catholic, they'd steal my eyes. What upset me was there were lots of people walking past, and even a Big Issue seller less than 5 meters away. No one helped me, luckily my friend got there quickly. I understand that fear, and how it stays with you, even when you are out of the situation. It will pass.

I'm sorry about your college course, that is a shame. Perhaps you could ask if you could use the £30 to enroll on another course? If that isn't an option, please try not to feel bad. You made a big effort, and its a shame it didn't work out well. There will be other opportunities. As long as you know that you aren't lazy and a scrounger, that is all that matters. And we know too I'm on IB and DLA because of my Mental Health problems, and it hard to feel worthwile sometimes. But we are both fighting hard, and we will come out as winners. Something like the knitting is a great idea.

Good luck with the Dietician appointment. I'm still waiting for them to phone with an appointment for me. Let us know how you get on. Good luck with the case worker too.

How to wind down? How about a long, hot bath/shower? Sit down and read a book? Watch a film or TV show you really like? Phone a friend for a chat?

Hope you are feeling a little better for posting.

alba37

Diamond78 wrote: »

It is very quite today isnt it???I hope everyone is ok and well. I wasnt going to post tonight. I feel guilty sometimes coming on here when on a downer. Everyone has their own problems and I dont want to depress you all even more. But Im going to post anyway. Sorry, I dont mean to make you all even more depressed. Instead of telling you all how I fell and whats going on, I should write positive and uplifting stuff.

Since last night, Ive been feeling kind of low. Having a bad nights sleep was bad enough. But my day just got from bad to worse. Sometimes I misplace things, I forget where I have placed it and look forever and I cant find it. Then suddenly it appears. It drives me mad and makes me think Im going mad sometimes:mad: . Not sure if anyone can relate to that.

Then in the afternoon, ds has open day at his school. I got his report but didnt read it till after I picked son up. Overall his report is good. He is exceptionally well behaved:eek: . Most of the time he is at home but has his moments like yesterday which just drain me.But unfortunatly son is below average in reading and writing. From when he joined they said he was being assesed to see if he has learning difficulties as he was below average i reading. They said it could be due to the moving around. They know why I have moved around yet make me feel bad and guilty like it was my fault. I have read to ds since he was a baby. She also stated he has problems with his hearing coz he cant keep up with the rythme in music lesson. I have always helped my son and do things with him. It really upset me and my son. I still praised ds and told him i was proud of him and he done really well. I told him not to worry and we would try a bit harder next time so Im going to treat him at the weekend. His only 6, why do they throw so much work at them so soon? His also worried that he has to do SATS in year 2 as half his class is formed of year 2 kids so he knows what goes on.

Anyway, then I rang the college to ask when my course was starting and spoke to the tutor. To my horror she told me how the course im due to start is an evening but I have noone to help out with childcare. Its from 6pm to 9pm and thats pretty late finish. I would have so many panic attacks having to travel late at night, especially where I live and recent stabbings and murders going on. She went on to say I would not get a refund on the £30 fee I paid. They never told me it was an evening course as the one in april was from 9.30am . They should teach me not to assume!!!
Cant explain how gutted I am. I cried and cried. Im so pi@@ed off.I just feel its always me.

Then had to go somewhere and got on the bus. There was just one seat, so sat there with son on my lap. The man was so strange, he made me feel so scared. He kept talking to me but i couldnt hear him properly ans he was stuttering. he stunk of booze.So maybe thats why he was talking the way he was. he started asking things, personal questions. Honestly the man was proper starnge and weird. I was hoping he would get off before us. Waited ages for 2 empty seats together so we could move to that seat. After 30mins we moved seats and was getting closer to home. I had to get off in the end coz he kept watching me. Havent had a bad panic attack that bad in ages. I really thought I was going to die.
I hate feeling like this scared and fearful. Its such a horrible feeling. Ive also come on again. Only finished last week and Im on again. Got appointment with dietican 2moro about my eating and also seeing case worker for my old addiction.
I havent had a bad and long day like this in ages. Its so hard to relax and chill. How do you all wind down after a s@@t day???
Sorry for the long rant.

Shaz, its so wonderful what you are doing for prem babies. I was ment to say it to you the other day but forgot. Sorry hun. I think I might start doing that seeing as I cant even go college. Im back to square one. I hate telling ppl Im unemployed. Ppl on benefits are made to look like scroungers and lazy but its not like that all. I would love to work and study and I will hopefully oneday.No one knows how hard it is unless they know where Im coming from and what I mean.
Hugs to you all
xxx

(((hugs))) Diamond.

Your post just sounds like I could have wrote it! Don't feel guilty posting when you're on a downer, expecially when you want to talk about it. We are hear to listen and support you as much as we can (I know I talk for everyone here with that)

I misplace things all the time, I can hunt and hunt for them and more often than not they turn up where they should have been and where I would have looked in the first place. I'll never understand how that happens, but it does my head in.

My son (15) is below in reading, writing, grammer etc. He's only been diagnosed this year with a learning difficulty! I've been telling them since he was about 8, I've been worried! But I guess better late than never! The psychologist, blamed me for plenty things too :mad: I also try my best, and that's all I can do. You're a good mum, it's obvious, these people have no idea.

That's not good news about college. Is there any where else you can go to do the course? I would write and complain to try and get your fee refunded. It's hardly your fault it's in the evening and no one told you. It's normal to expect it to be at the same time as the last one.

The bus experience was bad, but you're home now, safe and sound. Try to forget about it D. Sounds to me like you cope very well, most of the time. Bringing up children alone is difficult and you will get worn out, most of us do, unless we are super mums! I wish! :rotfl:

Take care and I hope you get a good sleep tonight.

A x (((hugs)))

queensway_boy

I'm always losing my specs and they're perched on top of my head:rotfl: