Please define what "Child Maintenance" Covers

Bellio

mitchaa wrote: »

I agree a father should pay for his child but in todays world the cost of living is so high, that a 15/20/25% deduction of net wages could mean a father leaving his job due to it not being financially viable.

Who then suffers? The father, the mother and his child, and for what??

This is very real.... Me, myself, i know of 2 men who have done just exactly that, im sure there are thousands if not tens of thousands of fathers nationwide who have done exactly the same.

If i had to pay 25% of my wage, i too would have to give up work as i do not have 25% left over after all my monthly deductions. I simply would not be able to put food on the table.

Expenditure like mortgages should definitely be taken into account, especially at the moment where cost of living is through the roof. My mortgage alone is just over 40% of my take home wage.

I too think that they should take mortgages into account, especially the ones your STILL PAYING OFF FROM PREVIOUS MARRIAGE !!!!!!! TO THE EX THATS SCREWING YOU OVER !!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark666666

1. Has anyone out there ever successfully represented themselves at court?

and

2. If I went to court over my own situation would I be responsible for the court costs or only my half as it were?

Donedoingdebt

Blonde_Bint wrote: »

lol:D

:rotfl:
:rotfl:
:rotfl:

watch what you say Doney love, you may be one of those people who unwittingly can see into the future:eek: and I dont like your predictions 'old man':D

I so wish you were right; I'd be sat on £75 million from the Euro lottery if that were true.

I'll let you know the results of my unwitting predictions when I reach 50 & am a really old man!!!!!!;)

Soubrette

Mark666666, I think your son will be using schedule 1 children act 1989 in his court case: Children who need maintenance to support them at university (tertiary education) would have to apply themselves, under the Children Act 1989, if they feel a parent needs to be forced to pay up to meet their costs.

I believe there are two relevant cases but for the life of me I cannot remember what they are but these are the cases cited whenever I've read about cases such as yours, here is one case at least:

http://www.lawcentres.org/support/knowledgebase.php?article=75

The following was settled before the court could rule and is under Scottish law, I just put it in so you could read other people's experiences:

http://findarticles.com/p/news-articles/scotsman-edinburgh-scotland-the/mi_7951/is_1998_May_15/student-agrees-cash-mother/ai_n32496369/

With regards to the help you will receive on here, in the main we are run of the mill parents who have problems with the CSA, you will be going through court proceedings and I think the advice here will be limited to rants, wails and gnashing of teeth. I think you need a lot more than that. It might be worth joining families need fathers as they do have more court experience but even then I'm not sure they would be helpful, maybe phone and ask before joining.

As to representing yourself - you will be in a court of law and will be expected to be aware of the protocols. You will also presumably be up against a lawyer representing your son who will be up on all case law etc. You need to be honest with yourself as to whether you are up to this job and have the time to research everything you will need.

In short - if you want tea and sympathy then continue posting here, if you are serious about representing yourself then you need to find somewhere a lot more serious and experienced.

Sou

Dancing_Shoes

I agree with Soubrette. This is a forum for people to get help with the rights and wrongs of child maintenance and get hints/tips with how to deal with certain issues but it will not be able to help you with your case. Has the solicitor advised how much their costs would be?

I feel it is very sad that you are already offering to help your son yet he has taken this route you must feel very disappointed in him:( I love my father very much and would never have inflicted this cruelty onto him.

Another site worth trying for advice only is wikivorce? Not sure if it is any good but an ex colleague raves about it

EDIT - The first case was strong because her mother SOLELY supported her for 16 years and she hadn't had money through the CSA. Your case is very different as you have provided for your son financially. Also it is more common for this to happen in Scotland apparently

Blonde_Bint

Mark666666 I strongly recommend you stick around here for the rants and wailings, for rant and wail purposes only of course because these can sometimes be helpful:D in a letting off steam, i'm not alone solidarity in numbers kind of a way and you sometimes find out how someone else deals with the same situation you are dealing with in ways you may not have thought of.:D

Mark666666

Soubrette. Thanks for the 2 cases you highlighted. Different situation to mine though in every way. I have paid for both my children for the last 8 years (I stopped paying for my daughter 3 years ago, when she was 18 and started work) and had a great relationship with my son until FIVE weeks ago, after which time he turned 'gangster' after being pressured by his bullying mother, refusing to answer 30 odd phone calle, texts etc. Can you imagine how you would feel if one of your closest friends suddenly ceasing communication. Totally confused and flabbergasted like myself no doubt. Now it's turning to frustration and anger.
Needless to say, I'm sure he is more than happy to receive his standing order money off me, which I will leave in place for now.

Stabbed in the back is not nearly a strong enough way of describing how I feel. He has achieved 'A' levels. Pity they weren't in common decency and respect for Dad etc.... It just goes to show what a totally domineering and bullying mother he has to cause a massive rift between him and I. He also tells me she regularly addresses him as 'You lazy F@ckn Bas@!rd etc etc.. I could go on - if that gives you any indication of her mothering skills.

I can't even fathom out how my son - who would ALWAYS confide in me (NEVER HER) and ask me for advice - can suddenly flip! But they do say money is the root of all evil and my son clearly seems to have '£' signs in his eyes. Strangest thing of all, is that the worst his 'mother' could do is threaten to kick him out (she'd be doing him a favour!) - and he could have squeezed in with me in my flat. I wouldn't mind but I'll bet this time next year he will almost certainly move in with fellow students into their own accommodation, so more's the pity he has not had the foresight to see he's destroying what was a great relationship with me - and for WHAT!

I take your point over the court situation. I'd be hung out to dry if I tried to take on those shyster lawyers.


P.S. Blonde Bint. You're right too. It does help to let steam off on these forums. I can feel at least some of my pressure subsiding. And some of the advice is clearly useful. Cheers.

chriszzz

Mark666666,

Your story is a very sad one and i can empathize with you. It must be heart rendering being in your situation. I don't know how i would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

I would hate if my ex made it difficult for me to have a good relationship with my kids and tried to put barriers up between us to stop that happening. I think i would feel the same if i was paying maintenance and having a struggle to maintain a good relationship. I would hate to think that my children got to their adult years and just wanted money from me and not the friendship. I think that's very sad.

I think in time maybe your son will see that, he too has been wrong and he shouldnt just want your money and ignore your calls. What chances has a dad got in situations like this? Its ok ppl saying go to court but court costs money and not everybody can afford to go down that road, especially more than once and really speaking no parent should have to go to court tofight for their rights to see their children unless they will be in danger of that parent and then their should be evidence without evidence ppl can say whatever they like.

I hope in time things come good for you, as you sound like a dad who has been there financially and emotionally.

Blonde_Bint

Money aside, its the father son relationship going down the pan that gets me. cant imagine how that feels for a father to be suddenly cut out like you have Mark, but kids of that age do that kind of thing even when you live with them (ask the parent of a 13 yr old the last time they held a conversation with their child:p). The laws and rules may change but kids still behave like kids no matter what the rules are Mark.

From what you say above its just a matter of time before he comes round, keep calm keep the door open and let him know the doors always open:) you know what kids are like to proud for their own good.

Soubrette

Sorry Mark, I didn't mean to imply that these cases in any way mirrored yours - these cases are the kind of thing that will brought out by any prosecuting lawyer to show there is a precedent for NRPs to pay maintenance to their children for university educations.

You have to find something that shows that you should not fall into that same group - so offering the facts that you've always paid child maintenance, that you've offered an amount of support during university etc - all these will help your case, but not as much as some actual case law where someone in your position did not have to pay out.

I'm afraid I can't find anything at all where someone has sued their non resident parent (you can't sue the resident one in the same situation) and their case has been thrown out - but maybe a proper solicitor would have some answers for you.

Sou