Feeling let down am i flogging a dead horse

Pssst

Can i just say something really obvious here .....people dont change.

People are what they are. They can change a little,but often not significantly.

Now this is really important when it comes to relationships because if,one day,you have some kind of epiphany and realise that the relationship you are in doesnt fit any more,then often times,the best course of action is to ship out.

This is something you really need to consider.

Your partner doesnt seem to appreciate what the issues are. He can't recognise and compute them because they are so foreign to his past experiences of your relationship with him.

He probably just thinks you are being difficult,are having some kind of crisis or are wanting to give him a hard time.

EG you ask him to prepare a meal but he gets a takeaway...totally unacceptable.

Here,we just naturally take turns and share chores. We shop together,we alternate cooking duties,we have set roles for cleaning duties,we decorate together,i mend the cars,i know how the washing machine works,she arranges holidays and i vet them! etc etc

The biggest mistake most woman make is they do not expect/facilitate a mans independance. They equate loving him with doing stuff for him. All it does is make him lazy and inconsiderate.

Remember-relationships are made of two INDIVIDUALS who share certain aspects of their lives with eachother.

I'd say make some kind of assessment and if the end result is to move on then try not to fear it. You could be helping both of you.

santashelper_2

Pssst wrote: »

Can i just say something really obvious here .....people dont change.

People are what they are. They can change a little,but often not significantly.

Now this is really important when it comes to relationships because if,one day,you have some kind of epiphany and realise that the relationship you are in doesnt fit any more,then often times,the best course of action is to ship out.

This is something you really need to consider.

Your partner doesnt seem to appreciate what the issues are. He can't recognise and compute them because they are so foreign to his past experiences of your relationship with him.

He probably just thinks you are being difficult,are having some kind of crisis or are wanting to give him a hard time.

EG you ask him to prepare a meal but he gets a takeaway...totally unacceptable.

Here,we just naturally take turns and share chores. We shop together,we alternate cooking duties,we have set roles for cleaning duties,we decorate together,i mend the cars,i know how the washing machine works,she arranges holidays and i vet them! etc etc

The biggest mistake most woman make is they do not expect/facilitate a mans independance. They equate loving him with doing stuff for him. All it does is make him lazy and inconsiderate.

Remember-relationships are made of two INDIVIDUALS who share certain aspects of their lives with eachother.

I'd say make some kind of assessment and if the end result is to move on then try not to fear it. You could be helping both of you.

I hear what you are saying and also have the same view that a woman needs to facilitate a mans independance i have helped my OH to start up his business, helped pay his tax and supported him to find happiness and am just looking for the same support back now the children are older.

I may be wrong but it appears he wants to be treated as an equal to the children rather than their father and in hindsight when i was mothering him it was great, now i am trying to develop my independance because the children are now starting out on their lives he says he wants me to be a strong carear person but do not get the same support i gave to him, he sometimes says he would like me to be the breadwinner and he can work part time what i would like is the best for both of us and feel in the past i have made sacrafices to put our children first and instead of working together to achieve happiness it feels like he resents me for looking for this idependant happiness but on the other hand wants me to be the breadwinner.

Pssst

Slight misunderstanding...I'm not saying a woman SHOULD facilitate a mans independance. What I'm saying is that they should not assist him to avoid being independant..i.e dont keep running round after him. He must take responsibility for that which his has responsibility .

sodamnfunky

I had this with my 1st wife, I worked my !!!! off to give her everything and she was having nice things and I was struggling to pay for it, also she did naff all at home, and I would regulalry go home, cook the kids their dinner and go back to work.
In the end she had an affair, and I divorced her after 11 years, I guess what I am trying to say is, life is to short to live like I did and many do. If you are not happy then go. It may seem daunting to begin with, but I wish i ahd done it years before.