Lucielle's daring debt free journey

REDMADCURLS

We didn't get a calander either! Of course, DH, not like sensible L, bought one at £7.50, bless!

lucielle

Had a bit of a hard week with OH and life but I think things are ok now. DS2 enjoyed his skiing, got his last few bits just need to get his euros.

Still thinking about budgets and we are going to have to factor in Ds1s college fees, think these will be in the region of 3k for his bed and board. I was having a chat with him the other evening and trying to explain how much it was going to cost, not just keeping him their but travelling to and from etc. He said he was happy to stay at the weekend and I pointed out that he would need to do his washing and all the other bits he might need to buy, He did start to look a bit dazed.

DD1 is getting a bit chewed up about taking her options. On the whole she's happy taking Spanish, maths, science and English. Its the compulsory ology she isn't impressed with. She is thinking about food tech but to be honest DS1 has done this and its nothing like it was in my day. Still we have a big options night coming up which might help her.

After some advice regarding my mum, so any lurkers if you can help please post. My mum is going steadily downhill. She's married to my stepdad and up to a couple of years ago he was helpful and they got on ok. Things have deteriorated to such an extent that IMHO he is bullying her mentally but nothing physical. I do think that mum is losing her marbles but does have moments of lucidity. However mum isn't easy to live with, she is a very heavy smoker, drinker and is overweight which doesn't help with her mobility. She has frequent falls and her hygene certainly leaves something to be desired. My eldest sister has tried many different ways to help such as paying somebody every week to come and take her out but mum refuses any help. We have tried to get ss involved but again the cantankerous old sod wont have any of it.

My stepdad is terrified he might have to actually part with some cash. Things have come to a bit of head recently as my middle sister has been staying their and has seen my stepdad in a different light (I was the only who ever lived with him). They both have thought he was wonderful I kept quiet. Personally I think my mum and stepdad are well matched, but its not easy realising that you've become the parent and somebody is vulnerable. None of us are in a position to take her in. I do think that my stepdad should contribute something towards some sort of care package, my eldest sister has intimated they would help with the shortfall.

Stepdads attitude has eally changed with the death of his first wife at the end of December. His 4 children are back in the fold which is good even the one that did a runner with some money. They have all never worked in their lives and the day after the funeral they went back and divided up the flowers between them!!!!!! Just not sure how to help mum.

She does come and stay for a week to give them some respite and she is hard work. I have a battle to get her to go in the shower. Sorry this is a long one but anyone any experience of caring for a stubborn old boot let me know.
L

hypno06

Sorry Lucielle, that is a situation that I have absolutely no experience of in any way.

I hope that you are able to get something sorted that is satisfactory for all concerned. I certainly don't envy you xx

beanielou

You have hit the nail on the head saying she refuses help.
Would she still refuse if a carer turned up on the doorstep?
A difficult situation.
In my experience when push came to shove & carer arrived the help was excepted.

REDMADCURLS

Lucielle, I too have no experience of this but it sure is a pants situation........I hope you all get some resolution sooner rather than later.

PS Step Dad's kids sound like real charmers!

lucielle

She might like you say if push comes to shove but its the payback from stepdad thats worrying. Had my middle sister on the phone, she is the one who is pushing for something to happen but more often than not she engages mouth before brain. I think for now we are going to adopt the sit on the fence and see if things naturally come to a head. Still worrying a bit about stepdads kids being around as they can be a bit sticky fingered IYKWIM. My sister had found some of mums rings and wanted to take them away for safe keeping. Said she should leave them but she's itching for a fight and this seems to be her latest cause. She seems to think she is trying to do us a favour and look after 'our' interests. I told her not to bother on our account we are ok. Took the wind out of her sails.
L

Pippilongstocking

L can't help at all with the mum thing - except to say we're thinking of you - its a hard situation - my own mother is with an absolute !!!! who's one of those intimidating kind of men who is big, scary and loud and a bit too handy with his hands (although not with my mum) and its why I left at 16 tbh - constant conflict - shes fiesty, but I do worry if she gets ill - he's a handful and a half to deal with.

I hope you find a way to get a resolution which works for all of you.

(())

College is a worry - we're talking to ds about the 'reality' of university and the cost of it - scary. DD is off in Italy skiing - that took a bit of saving for but she went away happy on saturday - she's placed with her 'italian' family tonight - I hope she likes them, she was a bit nervous about it all.

x

REDMADCURLS

Sisters...................amazing people!

Seaxwyn

Hi Lucielle. That sounds a very difficult situation with your mum. I haven't got any advice either. When you say 'losing her marbles' do you think she has dementia? Does your stepdad look after her at all, eg pick her up when she falls? If not and if she is seriously at risk then surely she has to be persuaded to let social services come in and assess the situation. But if she won't cooperate then you can't make her. Good luck with it, it sounds a grim situation and made all the worse if your sister has her own agenda and you have dodgy step-siblings too! Courage!

lucielle

I think she might have dementia. She fell whilst my sister was there and I think it was more alcohol induced than anything but it has been known for her to come off her mobility scooter. He does help her up but none to gently. My sister (who is a trained nurse and never lets us forget) ended up losing her rag with him and told him that this was her mum and not a sack of spuds he was manhandling.

He did use to be very good and now its all gone very wrong. My mum also has serious hoarding issues and trying to sort anything out or get rid of anything is a nightmare. I do know if we are at risk of a food shortage I would go there!!!! He doesn't appear to 'notice' that her bed linen is soiled and the clothes she wears are stained with food. When she comes to stay I go straight through her case and put everything for the wash as its always filthy.
L