Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 6:31 PM
    • 4,872Posts
    • 10,042Thanks
    iammumtoone
    parents full time working
    • #1
    • 6th Sep 17, 6:31 PM
    parents full time working 6th Sep 17 at 6:31 PM
    It looks like I may be taking a full time job currently I work 20 hours within school times.

    I have some questions how people manage. I am a single parent but I don't think that is necessarily relevant in this situation it can't be that much different to two parents working full time.

    How do you do homework? I will not get home until 6.30 then will have to sort tea straight away with everything else bath etc not sure where the time comes in for this?

    What about dentists/doctors for child? I am not allowed time off for this (only my medical needs) so how do I arrange this, my son needs medical appointments/assessments for his ADHD and upcoming ASD assessment so not just talking about if he gets ill. Do you take holiday for this? this will mean cutting the amount of holiday available to do fun things with him.

    Time for yourself to relax - How do you find it. My son does not sleep he is never asleep before 12pm. Do you just manage on the occasional 10 minutes here and there when everything is quiet?

    House work - where does this fit in when you are either at work or looking after your child(ren).

    Shopping - how do you manage to get things that are needed (my son will not go shopping it stresses him) Food shopping I can order online but what about everything else? Do you order everything online?

    Clubs - this is probably irrelevant in my case as my son dispite me trying to persuade him will not attend clubs but I am hoping this will change in the future. How do you get your child there most start at I guess at 7 do you rush everything to get them ready in time. I am afraid my son does not do rushing

    Child is in year 6. My other worry is secondary school when there is no childcare available but my son is not safe to be left alone in the house. What do others do in this situation?

    Anything else I need to consider?

    I am dreading it my son is hard work (you may have seen some of my other threads but this isn't about that its about how full time working parents manage).

    I have the opportunity of a well paid full time job meaning I will come off benefits completely not sure if my conscious will allow me to turn it down, isn't that what everyone should be aiming for? However on the other side not sure if my MH will cope with the stress of not the job but looking after a child as well or if indeed it will damage my child health by taking it. (he is certainly going to be a nightmare at first but I hope he will get used to it)

    Its so hard, in some ways I wish the opportunity didn't come up.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 13-09-2017 at 9:14 AM.
    Sealed pot challenge ~ 10 #017
    Declutter 2017 items in 2017 - 78/2017

Page 1
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 6:46 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    • #2
    • 6th Sep 17, 6:46 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Sep 17, 6:46 PM
    I am so stressed by all this think I am heading for a breakdown myself

    What do, you do? Do you come off all benefits great I truly believe they are only there for those who really need them not to prop up everyone.

    Or do you put the heath of yours and more importantly your childs first? and just manage (living off JSA is not easy despite what people would like to believe)

    But then other/plenty of parents do work full time I am sure whether they have a child with issues or not they would still prefer not to.
    • tooldle
    • By tooldle 6th Sep 17, 7:22 PM
    • 270 Posts
    • 430 Thanks
    tooldle
    • #3
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:22 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:22 PM
    You will manage. Routine is key. When my child was younger i would do a lot of preperation at the weekend. Now i tend to use my slow cooker a lot, or part prepare dinner the night before.
    I try to do a little housework every evening. i leave early in the morning, but you might have time to squeeze a few bits in the morning i.e. Throw the washing in the machine, mop floors etc.
    Meal plan, batch cook, etc.
    Going into year seven kids start to become more independent with homework. Can you keep an eye on progress whilst getting a few bits of housework done.
    Shopping for things other than food is generally done online.
    Good luck to you.
    • Skibunny40
    • By Skibunny40 6th Sep 17, 7:29 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    Skibunny40
    • #4
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:29 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:29 PM
    Who is looking after him after school? - apologies if I've missed this in your post.
    Could he do homework there? Could that person take him to daytime appointments?
    Will you be working in town - if so, perhaps you could do shopping in your lunch hour? Or come to an arrangement with another mother that she takes your child for a couple of hours one weekend, then you do the same for her the following weekend?
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 7:45 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    • #5
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:45 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:45 PM
    Thanks, Yes mornings I could get up earlier to get some bits done, just never being able to sleep until gone 1 in the morning most nights I don't fancy getting up at 6 (that would give me an hour) I need my sleep. I suppose I will get used to it plenty survive on less sleep, I can't have everything.
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 7:52 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    • #6
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:52 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:52 PM
    Who is looking after him after school? - various, different each day mix between relatives and paid childcare apologies if I've missed this in your post.
    Could he do homework there? Could that person take him to daytime appointments? paid childcare don't do this, relatives not fair to ask as it is extremely hard work and struggle to get him to do it plus to be honest relatives probably wouldn't understand it - I have a hard job sometimes
    Will you be working in town - if so, perhaps you could do shopping in your lunch hour? unfortunately not by the time I go into town it would be time to head back to work again Or come to an arrangement with another mother that she takes your child for a couple of hours one weekend, then you do the same for her the following weekend? something to think about thanks.
    Originally posted by Skibunny40
    ..............................
    Sealed pot challenge ~ 10 #017
    Declutter 2017 items in 2017 - 78/2017

    • rhino horn
    • By rhino horn 6th Sep 17, 7:57 PM
    • 52 Posts
    • 56 Thanks
    rhino horn
    • #7
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:57 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Sep 17, 7:57 PM
    Could you get a cleaner? Even if they come fortnightly that would take the pressure off a bit.

    I buy nearly everything online, I probably go to the high street one every 6 months. No big deal.

    Slow cooker is a life saver, big batch cook and then freeze. Then you've got portions to defrost during the week.

    Be organised, prep what you can at the weekend. Washing, ironing etc.

    Your new job may allow you to make up hours if you have to take your son to a medical appointment, worth finding out. Just have to try and make the appointments as early or late in the day as possible.

    Often the thought of it is worse than the reality. Give it a go and see what happen. You'll make it work.
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 8:04 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    • #8
    • 6th Sep 17, 8:04 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Sep 17, 8:04 PM
    Yes I though of a cleaner myself, do you also get tidy uppers?

    I can't see where I could make up hours as already full time so no extra hours available to fit in company does not work weekends - How do others make it work? Making up hours is what I currently do in these situations when I can't get an appointment outside work hours but when you are only working 20 this leaves plenty of time for flexibility.
    Sealed pot challenge ~ 10 #017
    Declutter 2017 items in 2017 - 78/2017

    • tooldle
    • By tooldle 6th Sep 17, 8:11 PM
    • 270 Posts
    • 430 Thanks
    tooldle
    • #9
    • 6th Sep 17, 8:11 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Sep 17, 8:11 PM
    Holidays or unpaid leave is normal, unless you have a flexi time arrangement. I always keep a day of flexi in hand for emergencies, and lieu time as well, if i can. Could you catch up from home in the evenings?
    Can you ask others who work in the company how they work things?
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 8:22 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    Can you ask others who work in the company how they work things?
    Originally posted by tooldle
    None of them have regular appointments. I am sure all of their child(ren) need to see the doctor at some point I suspect the company just give them the time for this.

    We are taking more than that I am trying to get my child some kind of counseling, which will be needed even more if I work full time. This needs to be a regular thing. He needs to see the ADHD consultant once every 3/4 months this is a whole morning appointment. I don't know how many assessments and time it will take for ASD assessment. I need to see the school SENCO regularly as he has problems that I keep needing to address with them.

    Also I am on the phone to CHAMS getting advise for half hour on average once a week ( I have to take the call when they ring back but hopefully I can make up this time during dinner break)
    Sealed pot challenge ~ 10 #017
    Declutter 2017 items in 2017 - 78/2017

    • Tigsteroonie
    • By Tigsteroonie 6th Sep 17, 8:27 PM
    • 22,497 Posts
    • 56,057 Thanks
    Tigsteroonie
    Something else for you to think about - you'll get maybe four or five weeks of annual leave in the year; your child will have 13+ weeks of holiday in the year. You need robust arrangements to cover the difference, plus there is no guarantee that you'll be able to take all of your annual leave during the school holidays as there may be colleagues who want the same weeks.

    Personally, if I were a single parent, I wouldn't work full-time.

    I don't have to cover the holidays as Marley is a stay-at-home parent, but it is still tricky to juggle the need for a break as a family with the need to use my annual leave days for our lad's various appointments including school meetings. I know that I could take parental leave, but that is unpaid so it impacts our household income. And as a Mum I feel really guilty going to work when our lad is poorly, even though Marley is home to take care of him, it's just a "Mum" thing.

    I work with a colleague who is single mum to a young girl who isn't disabled, for whom finding a childminder or holiday play scheme is easier.. Dad is on the scene and can help when he's in the mood. But she still struggles to stretch her annual leave to cover the school holidays; our employer allows a paid emergency day if our child is poorly, but only the one, after which you're expected to use paid/unpaid leave; and she too has the guilt of not being there all the time for her daughter.

    Sorry, probably not the answer you were looking for!
    Going to become Mrs Marleyboy for real

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    Proud Parents to an Au-some son
    • tooldle
    • By tooldle 6th Sep 17, 8:37 PM
    • 270 Posts
    • 430 Thanks
    tooldle
    The company should have a policy on time off to care for dependents. This is likely to be where the solution lies, although also likely to be unpaid. Friends of mine working in the nhs get two paid days per annum for this. Where i work it is unpaid, although someyimes a blind eye is turned.
    Is thete any sort of flexi time arrangement in place?
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 8:43 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    I had forgotten about parental leave that is a good point, not sure if I could afford it but its at least there if needed.

    I still have to find/arrange childcare now for the holiday that wouldn't be any different just it would be needed for longer hours. Son spends all the time asking when I am coming home so whoever looks after him will just have to endure that for longer. Its not going to be nice for him as he refuses to go out anywhere in case I come back whilst he is gone. But having said that hopefully by the time the next holiday is here we might have got help to help him cope.

    It is difficult as I am forced to make a final decision now this job or dole I wish I could try the job for a few months and if we (my son more than I) couldn't cope with it leave but if I do that I wont be entitled to JSA as I will have left a job.
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 8:45 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    Is thete any sort of flexi time arrangement in place?
    Originally posted by tooldle
    No no one has flexi arrangements its not something that is done unfortunately.
    Sealed pot challenge ~ 10 #017
    Declutter 2017 items in 2017 - 78/2017

    • fishybusiness
    • By fishybusiness 6th Sep 17, 8:49 PM
    • 1,117 Posts
    • 688 Thanks
    fishybusiness
    But then other/plenty of parents do work full time I am sure whether they have a child with issues or not they would still prefer not to.
    We work and have an Aspergers child.

    Previously we lived off benefits, I was being treated for the big C and my partner, who is also Aspergers was claiming ESA.

    We work for ourselves so sometimes late home. Mornings we get little un off to school, then get ready for work and often don't get out until nearly 10am.

    After school....we pay for a local lady to pick up little un and look after her if we are home later. Lady isn't registered for childcare but is trained in ASD so we trust her and her home is familiar - we can't claim back costs.

    After reading the whole thread I'm thinking how the heck do you look after yourself, perhaps that is the key to job/ life/ home balance.

    There are two adults in our house, I don't know I could do all you are planning alone, do understand your needs and wants to work.

    Yes, cleaner is a great idea too. Ours tidies up, hoovers, puts washing away, does many of the jobs we don't now have time for. She is weekly for 2 hours, sometimes we beg for an hour more, it really does make a difference.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 6th Sep 17, 9:03 PM
    • 19,521 Posts
    • 31,536 Thanks
    Spendless
    Suggestion for dental appointments, could you book you and your son into consecutive time-slots? So that if you have to leave work slightly early for your appt, your son is having one at a similar time. You might need someone to accompany you though if he wouldn't be able to sit still through-out your own appointment.

    I work full-time, though mine are now teenagers. The 2 biggest time consumers I find housework wise, are what I call the 'washing and the washing up'. That's all apsects of doing the laundry and all aspects of meal times. Keep on top of these two areas and the rest is a lot simpler.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 6th Sep 17, 9:15 PM
    • 3,348 Posts
    • 7,382 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    How do you do homework? I will not get home until 6.30 then will have to sort tea straight away with everything else bath etc not sure where the time comes in for this?
    Originally posted by iammumtoone
    When I was at school, I did my homework, not my parents. They had no input into it other than "Have you done your homework?" (I always did, no tantrums about it, ever). You should be able to ask your child that when you get home.

    My mum didn't go back to work full time until my younger brother started secondary school and was home by 5pm, about 15 minutes after me and before my brother, who had a longer bus ride so no childcare required in our case and we just got on with homework. Dad stayed in full time + overtime (2h+ every night when available) all the time I was growing up, until he retired, so he often would get home at 6.30pm-7pm. We literally lived outside the factory gates though, so their commute was short!
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Tigsteroonie
    • By Tigsteroonie 6th Sep 17, 9:19 PM
    • 22,497 Posts
    • 56,057 Thanks
    Tigsteroonie
    Oh, and most of our shopping is online as I'm not fond of shopping at the best of times! Tesco do our main deliveries, Groupon for toilet & kitchen roll, Amazon for presents. About half of our clothes are purchased online, the rest are a Primark blitz twice a year. But then, you have to be in to receive deliveries ... catch 22 ...
    Going to become Mrs Marleyboy for real

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    Proud Parents to an Au-some son
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 6th Sep 17, 9:28 PM
    • 19,521 Posts
    • 31,536 Thanks
    Spendless
    I'm really pleased for you that you seem to have been offerred a new job. I've read many of your posts and was aware that you were worried about losing your current job. I just wanted to say well done
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Sep 17, 9:34 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 10,042 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    He does need help with homework, this is because the majority of the time he is not sure what/how to it as he has missed that bit of the lesson and no classmates around to check what they are doing. What he will do at school when has has missed/not understood something is look at what everyone else is doing and work it out from that. On the plus side this is only for a year at secondary school I believe they have homework clubs where it can be done.

    Spendless - that is a brilliant idea about dental appointments

    fishybusiness - currently my time is the hour I have between leaving work and collecting him from school. I have been fortunate to have this up until now its somethings all parents would value. I also have time when he sees his Dad although this is not relaxing as I am always on edge waiting for the phone call/door bell that father can't cope with him so he is back home.

    I do work full time now on occasions to cover holidays, it is very hard as sons behaviour gets a lot worse but that I believe that is due to a change of routine. I hope I am right in thinking that once he gets used to it, me working full time will be the routine.
    Last edited by iammumtoone; 06-09-2017 at 9:51 PM.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,375Posts Today

7,807Users online

Martin's Twitter