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    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    • 81Posts
    • 52Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?
    • #1
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent? 6th Jul 17 at 10:41 AM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    Since I started working, my mum has charged me £100/month in rent to keep living at her house, to help out with bills. Now after around a year she suddenly wants to increase it to £200/month, but I’ve stayed on the same salary. Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Luke; 07-07-2017 at 10:28 AM.
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Page 1
    • Anja
    • By Anja 11th Jul 17, 8:39 PM
    • 49 Posts
    • 39 Thanks
    Anja
    • #2
    • 11th Jul 17, 8:39 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Jul 17, 8:39 PM
    Ask her to give you a detailed breakdown as to how she arrives at £200. It helps you to understand what things will cost in the big wide world when you do eventually move out.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 11th Jul 17, 8:48 PM
    • 1,085 Posts
    • 1,654 Thanks
    pearl123
    • #3
    • 11th Jul 17, 8:48 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Jul 17, 8:48 PM
    Try and find somewhere to live for £50.00 per week including gas, electricity, water rates and council tax.
    £50 is a bargain.
    • robin58
    • By robin58 11th Jul 17, 9:55 PM
    • 1,653 Posts
    • 1,591 Thanks
    robin58
    • #4
    • 11th Jul 17, 9:55 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Jul 17, 9:55 PM
    Try and find somewhere to live for £50.00 per week including gas, electricity, water rates and council tax.
    £50 is a bargain.
    Originally posted by pearl123
    Plus nodoubt free food and cooked meals and your clothes washed too.

    Where do I sign up!!!!
    The more I live, the more I learn.
    The more I learn, the more I grow.
    The more I grow, the more I see.
    The more I see, the more I know.
    The more I know, the more I see,
    How little I know.!!
    • balletshoes
    • By balletshoes 11th Jul 17, 10:06 PM
    • 15,736 Posts
    • 40,121 Thanks
    balletshoes
    • #5
    • 11th Jul 17, 10:06 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Jul 17, 10:06 PM
    Plus nodoubt free food and cooked meals and your clothes washed too.

    Where do I sign up!!!!
    Originally posted by robin58
    as usual, the OP doesn't give all the information needed really.

    If the £100 per month you are currently being charged includes your meals at home, free rein over the contents of the fridge and kitchen cupboards, and your washing done, your mum has been subsidising you by a lot in only charging you £100, and even charging £200 she's only just likely to be breaking even.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 11th Jul 17, 10:08 PM
    • 3,074 Posts
    • 2,354 Thanks
    dekaspace
    • #6
    • 11th Jul 17, 10:08 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Jul 17, 10:08 PM
    Try and find somewhere to live for £50.00 per week including gas, electricity, water rates and council tax.
    £50 is a bargain.
    Originally posted by pearl123
    I think context plays a part in most things including here.

    The word family puts pressure on both sides for starters.

    If there was a breakdown of additional costs to the homeowner and it came to £25 a week then the other £25 is more convenience costs.

    My father used to charge me £30 in 2001/2002 a week claiming thats how much it cost them, and I used £12 a week alone in electric.

    Yet I moved out and paid £3 a week in electric (not including washing machine as hand washed, but mother at home put big loads together so at most it was her deciding my clothes were dirty that cost the extra) and my parents spent £40 a week on food with enough leftovers to feed one more person at every mealtime

    A cheap and nasty bedsit was £45 a week true but included council tax and in centre of town, my parents lived around 7 miles from town with a £3.50 return fare on bus in a town with high unemployment.

    So stay at home and pay £30 a week for everything but be on benefits for years, or move out and (short term) get housing benefit then pay £45 rent on top.

    I appreciate thats not the case here but its just an example of how its not as simple as it may seem.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 11th Jul 17, 10:31 PM
    • 1,034 Posts
    • 1,038 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    • #7
    • 11th Jul 17, 10:31 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Jul 17, 10:31 PM
    My parents never charged me to live in the family home and I will never charge my child. I think its a weird and quite unfriendly thing to do. If an adult child decides to make a contribution that's great ( and I'd hope they would offer) but a parent actually asking for money? That's your child. Next we know parents will start presenting their kids with an invoice upon their 18 th birthday. £5000 for nappies and milk, £4000 for shoes and school uniform, £8000 for food, £2000 for haircuts, £3000 for laundry services, £5000 for causing parent to get up at an antisocial hour......
    As you can tell I think its wrong. I worked with a woman who was fed up with work so reduced her hours and then promptly asked her son to increase his 'rent' to make up the difference.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 11th Jul 17, 11:02 PM
    • 3,074 Posts
    • 2,354 Thanks
    dekaspace
    • #8
    • 11th Jul 17, 11:02 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Jul 17, 11:02 PM
    My parents never charged me to live in the family home and I will never charge my child. I think its a weird and quite unfriendly thing to do. If an adult child decides to make a contribution that's great ( and I'd hope they would offer) but a parent actually asking for money? That's your child. Next we know parents will start presenting their kids with an invoice upon their 18 th birthday. £5000 for nappies and milk, £4000 for shoes and school uniform, £8000 for food, £2000 for haircuts, £3000 for laundry services, £5000 for causing parent to get up at an antisocial hour......
    As you can tell I think its wrong. I worked with a woman who was fed up with work so reduced her hours and then promptly asked her son to increase his 'rent' to make up the difference.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    I know of 2 families that chucked their sons out on their 18th birthday! One was wealthy too!

    I think its about context, if the son/daughter wants a free place to crash and have food and maid service then pay and even more so if they have a acceptable wage and otherwise just blow it.

    There was a story I think on here a few years back where this couple in late 20s lived with boyfriends parents and were complaining all they could afford despite being charged zero rent food or utilities was like a 1 bedroom house in London (not a flat a house), not in posh area but not in ghetto area either and were complaining that they would have to commute to work every day that way.

    I think both got around 24 grand a year each too and spent a grand or two on a holiday a time and had all the latest gadgets.

    Just as if someone chose to work 15 hours when 20 hours was available just to stay at home and have it easy knowing they didn't have to pay rent would not be acceptable.

    The perfect point is in the middle not taking advantage, work long enough so you can save a little and build a good social life (without going crazy) and chip in or pay a little amount every week then when stable increase hours and pay a little more and eventually move.
    • Newly retired
    • By Newly retired 11th Jul 17, 11:06 PM
    • 2,311 Posts
    • 2,674 Thanks
    Newly retired
    • #9
    • 11th Jul 17, 11:06 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Jul 17, 11:06 PM
    It is not much preparation for life to let your young adult children think that there are no bills to pay. Once they are earning they should contribute. Even if you do put it aside and give them a lump sum when they move out.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 11th Jul 17, 11:27 PM
    • 2,400 Posts
    • 2,259 Thanks
    cjdavies
    Don't like it, move out.

    Bills do go up.
    Last edited by cjdavies; 11-07-2017 at 11:32 PM.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 11th Jul 17, 11:33 PM
    • 35,515 Posts
    • 149,803 Thanks
    silvercar
    Seems a regular theme

    Previous threads:

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593151

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5540496

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5586899

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=286283

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5536596

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5500172

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5331060
    • bells on it
    • By bells on it 12th Jul 17, 5:43 AM
    • 114 Posts
    • 15 Thanks
    bells on it
    I think it's about finding a middle ground. It's important to help pay the bills when you're able, gives you an idea of what it's like when you're on your own, but also probably encouragement to try it alone as it might be easy at home but you can't stay there forever...
    I think it would be fair to ask for a breakdown, or a little context around why it's doubling as that seems unfair. My now husband used to get charged ridiculous amounts by his mum. Back in 2003/4 when he got a promotion and pay rise she found a wage slip and put his rent up to over £350 a month, I think he was earning about £20k at hat point? It made it harder to save for a deposit for a house and as it was a small maisonettes in a serviced flat which was also housing association so this was an ex council property her mortgage was about £300 a month, im pretty certain her total bills and mortgage were only around 450 a month? She was earning the same money as him too.

    What it did was prompt us to buy a house within a year, we were lucky at the time we could get 100% mortgages, and she wasn't at all happy that he moved out, he had to give a month or 2 rent as notice...
    • Elbella85
    • By Elbella85 12th Jul 17, 7:04 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Elbella85
    In all honesty I think you're being a little tight! If you're unhappy with the amount why not sit down with your mum and go through the household bills, food shopping etc? You'll be surprised how much these things cost, and as an adult you are using your fair share of electricity, gas, water. Running a household does cost money unfortunately, and if I could pay 200 a month for my rent plus bills I'd be over the moon!
    • SheilaE
    • By SheilaE 12th Jul 17, 7:14 AM
    • 3 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    SheilaE
    Paying your mother house keeping
    Yes, £100 is not enough, your mother was very kind to allow you to pay this for a year. She may be willing to discuss with you the house hold running costs. I would not be surprised to find she spends 90% or more of her own income just running the house, without taking into account paying for her own clothes etc..
    If you didn't live at home, you may pay at least £50 a week rent for a bedsit, this would not include any food etc. So even paying your mother £200 a month is a bargain.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Jul 17, 7:27 AM
    • 17,060 Posts
    • 43,123 Thanks
    Pollycat
    as usual, the OP doesn't give all the information needed really.

    If the £100 per month you are currently being charged includes your meals at home, free rein over the contents of the fridge and kitchen cupboards, and your washing done, your mum has been subsidising you by a lot in only charging you £100, and even charging £200 she's only just likely to be breaking even.
    Originally posted by balletshoes
    Exactly this ^^^^ in bold.

    What does the £100 per month (£23 per month) actually cover?
    How much is the OP earning?
    What is the reason for the 100% increase in board?

    S'OK - I'm not expecting any answers.
    It's a MSE money moral dilemma after all.
    • El butler
    • By El butler 12th Jul 17, 7:33 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    El butler
    What is wrong with kids these days!? I got my first flat at 16 which is admittedly young, but even before that I was contributing to the household from my job. My older brother (by seven years) was paying £200 a month to our mum in 1993. I am assuming you have a single parent, and to moan about that tiny amount of money to have a home is taking the wee wee frankly. Me and my brother have been financially supporting our mum since we were teenagers and we both moved out as teenagers.

    I also find the idea that a parent shouldn't charge rent to an adult child odd. They've done their job, brought you up, it's their time to kick back and enjoy being looked after a bit finally, let alone not being forced to financially support an adult who wants to keep all their money to spend on tvs and shoes. My dads rotten step kids are like this. They need a kick up the bum frankly.
    • Stylist1999
    • By Stylist1999 12th Jul 17, 7:50 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    Stylist1999
    Hi there, since I started working and still living at home my mum made me pay a quarter of my wages to her. I never had a problem with it as I always knew my parents didn't have a lot of money so had to do this. I think it has helped me for the future too to learn how to save money and spend it wisely. There are so many bills to pay each month too that the £200 will be spent easily on the bills but asking to see exactly where your money goes is a good idea just so you can see the price of things before you decide to move out on the future. Many parents cannot afford to let their older children live with them rent free and I think it is good to charge rent as it does teach their children that living does not come free. I have heard parents keeping the money they collect in rent for the child's housing deposits in the future. If they can afford to do that, then that's an amazing idea, but a lot of parents will have to use the money actually for the bills to keep things going which is what my family did. It definately teaches you about money for the future if you do pay rent to parents in my opinion. Don't be afraid to ask where the money goes though. It should come across that you are just intrigued and not moaning that it's gone up so much. If you still think after seeing the bills that it's too high, speak to them about it. Never an easy conversation but see xx
    • Dorrie
    • By Dorrie 12th Jul 17, 7:53 AM
    • 66 Posts
    • 46 Thanks
    Dorrie
    When my eldest started work I sat down with the accounts and worked out how much we paid on gas, electricity, council tax, food, etc., and divided that by 5 (hubby, three children and myself) - at the time I think it came out at something like £33 per week, so I rounded that up to £40 (for the room). My son was quite happy with that, as I explained how I came to that figure. Now only my daughter is at home and it has increased to £50 per week (£215 per month). Again, she is very well aware of what a bargain that is, especially as she has lived out of the house for a while (paying £300 per month just for lodging at one point).

    I think it is ridiculous not to expect to pay towards your upkeep when you are earning. The person who said they think it is wrong to charge their adult children - I personally think it is wrong not to - you have to help your children grow up and not expect everything handed to them on a plate.
    • ec81
    • By ec81 12th Jul 17, 8:06 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    ec81
    I wasn't charged any rent and my mother did pretty much everything for me. I got a 100% mortgage at age 23 and moved into my own home. Goodness, that was a shock! I had been used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted and spending my cash on nights out and clothes and now everything had changed. Things spiralled in the year or so it took me to adapt. My home was a cesspit and I racked up massive debts trying to live the lifestyle I had while living at home.
    Looking back, I wish my mother had charged me a little rent and forced me to get involved in the housework. I think I would have been much better prepared for what life had in store!
    • mrsammyp
    • By mrsammyp 12th Jul 17, 8:15 AM
    • 154 Posts
    • 75 Thanks
    mrsammyp
    As others have said, ask your mum to breakdown the costs of running a home, when you move out you'll realise that it's not just the bills/utilities that add up but also the basic stuff like kitchen/toilet roll.

    £200 a month is a reasonable amount to charge a young adult living at home and is very fair.
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