Too many holidays?

dcouponzzzz
dcouponzzzz Posts: 450
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Apologies in advance for the long post!

So I'm posting here for advice on either of the two options:

- How do I justify spending money on holidays for myself, or
- How do I help my OH see my financial commitments don't allow me the holidays she expects.

I've been with the OH only a year now, and in that year we will have been on 2 bigger holidays (costing £1k+) and 3 smaller ones (countryside hotel stays). She has plans for about 3 more small trips before the end of this year.

Now, she's 23 living with her parents and on an average wage, with few outgoings and a fair bit of disposable income, whereas I'm 28 with a mortgage and all the financial and time commitments that come with it. I've spent 5 years living penny to penny and only in the past 3-4 months have I reached a career stage where I have any disposable income.

I have a list of home improvements in priority order which totals £3.5k that has never been addressed, plus my own personal list of items I would really like to own (£3k) which is lowest priority, but would be nice.

Nowhere on my list do beach holidays or city breaks appear. I want to have real experiences like visit Machu Picchu, the Mayan temples, cruise around Alaska, or even rent a car and drive around America camping for a month.

These still don't make it on the list because they're lowest of the low priority, just a dream in the far distant future when I've fixed up the house, bought my luxuries and saved an emergency fund. Possibly even after I've paid off the £130k mortgage, as I can now afford to over-pay by double the monthly payment, possibly triple if I continue as I have been.

To summarise... should I be taking every opportunity to travel and relax with priority over home commitments and personal goals? If not, how can I say no to the OH when she makes plans for how I spend my money? (she never asks for a penny from me, just making me spend it on myself). If I say no I'm sure it's a deal breaker, and everything else about her personality is perfect. I'm not even sure this is an undesirable thing...


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Started 07/15. Car finance £6951 , Mortgage: 261k - Savings: £0! Home improvements are expensive
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Comments

  • Kayalana99
    Kayalana99 Posts: 3,626
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    If a deal breaker is you going on a few holidays with her then she isn't perfect for you. I think you have to find the balance though, you need to achieve your personal goals and home commitments but it's nice to travel and relax...maybe commit £x amount per month to your goals and stick to it. If she starts pushing you over budget then explain you can't afford to as you are doing XYZ to the house.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,151
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    As you point she still lives her parents so no outgoings like owning a house does.

    Time for the talk and tell her how it is, what your priorities are, if she doesn't like it then she is not the one.
  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,201
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    Perhaps she can go on some of these breaks with her friends, not you? Then everyone gets what they want.
    2021 GC £1365.71/ £2400
  • dcouponzzzz
    dcouponzzzz Posts: 450
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    I've tried explaining about the other financial commitments but it's become a running joke with her and both our families that she wants to go on holiday every other week (exaggeration, but she still would if she could).

    Thank you for replying, but saying she's not perfect for me isn't constructive, otherwise I'd be single my entire life looking for perfection. I am prepared for her to call everything off for our interests not aligning on this because it's so important to her, but I wouldn't call it off just for this because it's not a deal breaker to me, just frustrating.
    Started 07/15. Car finance £6951 , Mortgage: 261k - Savings: £0! Home improvements are expensive
  • dcouponzzzz
    dcouponzzzz Posts: 450
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    I'd love for her to do this, but her friends aren't in the financial position to do so, with most of them pregnant/engaged/with children!
    Started 07/15. Car finance £6951 , Mortgage: 261k - Savings: £0! Home improvements are expensive
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    Just say no. It's that simple.
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
    Just tell her you can't afford it because you've got other financial commitments. She's not going to throw a tantrum about it, is she? Compromise on one holiday together a year maybe. If this is something that has become a big issue then frankly it doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.
  • dcouponzzzz
    dcouponzzzz Posts: 450
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    Guest101 wrote: »
    Just say no. It's that simple.

    If only it were that simple :rotfl: if your OH wants to plan a holiday to a log cabin in Scotland for her bday and you said no, I need a new fridge... How would that go down? Haha
    Started 07/15. Car finance £6951 , Mortgage: 261k - Savings: £0! Home improvements are expensive
  • Oakdene
    Oakdene Posts: 2,560
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    If only it were that simple :rotfl: if your OH wants to plan a holiday to a log cabin in Scotland for her bday and you said no, I need a new fridge... How would that go down? Haha

    Its simple, be honest. I'd rather my OH tell me the truth as opposed to doing something just to make me happy
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.
  • dcouponzzzz
    dcouponzzzz Posts: 450
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    Oakdene wrote: »
    Its simple, be honest. I'd rather my OH tell me the truth as opposed to doing something just to make me happy
    I've said the same things I have in this post to her a number of time but her response is that she wants to enjoy her life while she's young and before she can't because of having kids in future or not having enough money. I do have enough money to do this, just not enough for everything else as well!
    Started 07/15. Car finance £6951 , Mortgage: 261k - Savings: £0! Home improvements are expensive
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